How to deal with hostility from other women without becoming depressed about it

dancedancedance83 · 2021-10-08T02:36:55+00:00

I have gone out of my way to make them feel comfortable but I refuse to dim my light which ultimately is what they want.

I know you don't mean for it to be, but by your actions, this is an oxymoron. Why are you trying to make them feel comfortable when they could give a fuck if you are? You are going out of your way to get these women to like you and to admit why they are mistreating you and because of that you are dimming your own light.

The first thing you need to do is let the notion go that:

You and these women are going to be friends or friendly
They will say "sorry" and explain why they are cruel to you

Neither is going to happen. Not now, not ever. It doesn't really matter why they're bullying you, it doesn't change the fact that they are and they aren't shy about it. What I would do in your situation is go out of your way to be extremely professional at all time. Treat everyone as colleagues if you need to interact with them. Colleagues DO NOT = friends. Only deal with facts as pertains to the job. Get very clear on your state's labor laws and also the ins and outs of your job so they can never try to screw you over for your performance. And if something does go awry where it isn't in your favor, let those people know you will fight back if not sue because they broke xyz rule. Over some petty bullshit. Management will back down even if those women won't. I would also suggest to start documenting their behavior: dates, times, people, witnesses and who said what.

Also, when these girls start bullying you, you up the ante with being overly, and I mean OVERLY friendly. Take what they are doing as if they meant it in a positive way. What I mean is if they say something sly and insulting to you, say "Oh thank you so much, Sara! I do look great today!" and act like you are taking it as a compliment. Then walk away. After all, you are confident and since they went out of their way to try to make a dig at you, why not turn it into a positive? That will confuse them and bother them. Let them simmer in their negativity.

If they say something under their breath about you, ask them "Sorry what was that?" and look them in the eye. More than likely they won't answer, but if they do, say "Oh" and walk off. I'm trying not to say "play the game right back" but in order to stand up for yourself, you need to let them know that they do not phase you and you aren't going to let them get you down. They need to get the memo that you aren't scared of them. Right now you are SCREAMING to them that you are afraid of them and that they bother you. Can't do that anymore.

With women, their bullying sucks because it's almost always psychological warfare. You can't expect every woman to be on your side and for women just because you are. Lots of women have no problem throwing other women under the bus for the sake of men or because they are insecure. Your best bet is just to find that out about them sooner or later and cut your losses of ever being close.

In the long run, this is likely to repeat itself in another workplace so this is good practice that you're learning now. Also, might be good to start looking for another job in the meantime.

Competitive_Bar8657 · 2021-10-08T02:09:34+00:00

It disheartens me hot many straight Picmes out there prefer not only to be ambivalent towards women, but sometimes openly hostile if they feel threatened. They mostly stay close to men and do anything for crumbs of their approval. When something terrible happens, Pickes grind other women down and its so, so sad.

miloba_ · 2021-10-08T01:11:09+00:00

You sound like you come from a good place and have a good heart. You’re trying your best, it seems. For that, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling disheartened by your colleagues - that’s unacceptable, and I imagine that must be tough for you.

I hope you keep in mind that people act this way because of their own insecurities and weaknesses. Perhaps they’re truly malicious. Or, perhaps, they’re hurting inside, and they feel as though the best way to heal is to avoid looking inward and instead project their insecurities onto others.

Keep your head high. As you mentioned, you’re confident, intelligent, and attractive. Continue paving your own way and try to remember that people who are truly happy with themselves won’t take it upon themselves to bring down others. Keep hyping other women up - we need more women like you out here!

And, if it truly begins to make you miserable, I’d consider finding another branch or a different gym. This isn’t you “backing down” or “letting them win”; it’s you putting YOUR happiness and mental health first. It’s OK to recognize that you can only take so much. Wishing you the best ❤️

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-10-09T11:16:35+00:00

Sounds to me like you’re being discriminated against Bc you’re lesbian. I’d bet anything they are afraid if they get too friendly with you people will think they like you. It’s quite silly really, but human brains aren’t always logical.

You can’t make people like you, so personally I’d stop trying. I’d also look for a new job if your work environment is that hostile. No one deserves that.

Colour_riot · 2021-10-10T18:12:01+00:00

They are not your friends. Leave the workplace.

The most beautiful woman I've physically seen in my life, a senior ex-colleague, was also bullied to hell.

She was extremely kind and gracious and hardworking, but we were in an industry where looks mattered, and they intuitively realised that she was competition.

The chief bully was basically the second best looking girl for that cohort, who wasn't that smart (albeit street smart), and wasn't that good looking and she knew it.

Some of the guys actually joined in, one of them told me later that he thought she was actually an awesome person but joined in because he thought that her beauty was too threatening (I kid you not...).

He thought the chief bully and her right hand woman were "snakes" but joined them anyway because he though it would benefit him

Title	How to deal with hostility from other women without becoming depressed about it
Author	SunflowerinVirgo0903
Upvotes	35
Comments	6
Date	October 7, 2021 10:38 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/q3khhl/how_to_deal_with_hostility_from_other_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-to-deal-with-hostility-from-other-women.1076820 https://theredarchive.com/post/1076820

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