Hey all,

I posted previously about my area and how crazy expensive it is. Depending on alimony/child support costs.. I don't think I can afford much beyond a 1bedroom until all assets are divided. That could be a year or longer I am told. As such.. I have a couple kids.. one in college 1 in HS. Current house is big enough for them. If I leave.. and STBXW keeps house.. she has room for them, I would not be able to afford a place beyond a studio to 1 bedroom, which I believe is not enough to allow a child to stay a few days (if we were to do 50/50 custody). Or.. worse.. if my HS daughter wants to live with me.. even with minimal child support I might get, I couldn't afford food/car/etc to pay for a 2bedroom place.

So.. in these situation where one parent has to forgo custody.. e.g. even weekend visits due to unable to afford a place big enough that the state allows the kid to stay there.. how do you deal with visitations? Do you just take them out to dinner or a show once a week?

Also.. teenagers.. seriously.. they don't really want to hang out. Unfortunately the STBXW and I been fighting for years and it's ruined a lot of any family dynamic between me, her and the kids. They always want to be in room or on video games or.. when possible out with friends. We dont have any sort of family dinners, huddles, etc. I literally feel like until my kids are older and have families of their own, I wont see/hear from them much. They just don't have that desire (at least at this point).

I am partly OK with that.. I'm a bit of a loner anyway.. love my kids but was never big on family vacations, get togethers. Enjoyed them younger at Christmas, etc.. but as they've gotten older I recognize they are typical teens and I give them their space. Maybe that's hurt our relationship, at least in the short term.. not sure.

So with all that said, especially if HS has to live with STBXW.. and I pay alimony and child support, at least for the next 2 years.. I likely wont have the money for anything beyond a studio where we live. So.. what do some of you do in situations like this? How do you remain in their lives.. at least until they are a bit older and understand the shit that happened when they were teens and why mom/dad split, get past the immature stages and become adults, how do you spend time with kids? Do you just show up to sports games.. and give them a call from time to time to see if they want to go to dinner, etc?

I can tell you.. unless I take their phone.. dinner would largely entail them being on their phones. It sucks, I know.. but it is a bit of the world we live in. I know some would say "fuck that..Im dad (or mom) and I'll take their shit away when we visit".. but with an already volatile family dynamic.. I would be a wee bit worried that could be enough for them to not want to really hang out or visit.. or care if I do or not.

Love to hear those of you that have experienced this.. what worked, what didn't, did you just let it be the way it is and maybe understand that in a few years they'll be adults and more ready to be active in life with parents?

Thanks.