I don't know that this really warrants an entirely new post but there is no daily or weekly chat for me to report into.

Thanks all for the really great advice in my last post. The overarching suggestion was to just have another conversation. u/thetwincessmaker gave me a helpful script that I actually had in hand on my phone as I approached the conversation.

What I essentially asked:

  • "I want to get out of debt, so we can start planning for a family. How can we do that?"
  • "Twenty-eight was already a big compromise for me. I made it clear that I didn't want to start a family later and you agreed. Will we be able to stick to that?"
  • "What do you think will make you feel 'ready' for a child? Do we need to save a specific amount of money/pay off a specific amount of debt? Are there other life goals we should accomplish first?"

What he communicated and what we've settled on, which is now written down as a checklist in my notes app:

  • Both of us need to demonstrate financial discipline, which looks like not making un-budgeted purchases from here on out.
  • He has fear his personal goals will be mitigated when a kid comes (he's working on a Youtube channel and enjoys our local car meets/car community).
  • He wants his personal trading portfolio to reach a specific amount so that he can get back into options trading, and he wants it to be able to stay at or above that balance for a minimum three months.
  • He wants all credit cards at 30% or below utilization.

We also walked through the budget and planned aggressively (but realistically) for December and January.

He agreed to work on his fear of loss of freedom for hobbies and interests by demonstrating consistency with his hobbies now so that he will be able to better navigate changes to those routines later. Similar to working out now so that it's easier to continue it post-baby, even if it may be reduced or put on hold in the beginning.

I've set a goal for my birthday in April as the end date for my cards, which should be doable and keeps me motivated. I felt like I was in a holding pattern with no direction.

All in all, I think it was a productive and respectful conversation. I'm satisfied I have what I need to not keep bringing up this subject and feel we are working toward the same thing now.

My intent here is not to get financial advice - there are plenty of resources and subs out there for that, and I'm revisiting Family Finances right now. I just wanted to share my experience with a situation like this in case there are others experiencing similar, either with financial goals. And to also thank the sub for being so patient and informative with me.