Situation: Overcharged $1 at checkout counter of store (20% of total cost of item).

Male companion verbalizes the error.

This is good right?........not so fast.

I had noticed the error right away, but *I decide* that my day/time/peace is more important to me than holding up the people behind me and, potentially, ruining the cashiers work-shift with a customer complaint. I decided to let it go and requested that he do the same.

Male companion will not let the situation go, wants to call the manager to issue a re-fund.

I walk away irritated that my own desires about my own money have been ignored.

**There are a couple of layers to this which I think are important to outline when vetting a partner.**

Isn't it romantic that someone will go to bat for you? Not exactly. Benevolent sexism can feel like someone having your back but it is rooted in the belief that you are unable to watch your own back.

This specific situation could be exacerbated by his feelings that you are bad with money, that he owns your money, that you are simply incapable of handling customer complaint situations appropriately, and/or he is cheap. NONE of which are good.

The ultimate goal is to have a partner that is protective of your interests like he protects his own WHILE respecting that you are the ultimate decider of your own life both in large and small things. \*AND he is ok living with the consequences of your choice.*\**

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Other instances of benevolent sexism that, when combined with the feels of a romantic partner, one may confuse as protective behavior:

  1. Making suggestions on what you should (according to him) be eating to be what he considers ""healthy.""
    1. Vetting Strategy: Tell him that you're open to try anything he shops and cooks for you but only on a day that fits into your own diet plan.
  2. Side-seat driving. You know the directions to a place, but he points out turns and ""reminds"" you of the speed limit or that there is a car in your blind spot.
    1. Vetting Strategy: Gray Rock
      1. does he continue or get more ""helpful"" or recognize his error?
  3. What price you pay for make-up or clothes...that he knows ""good quality"" for cheaper.
    1. Vetting Strategy: NONE
      1. You are allowed to live at the level you have provided for yourself without guilt or justification.

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Ladies, other examples?