They know what they're doing.

InspectorGadget07 · 2021-12-22T16:39:38+00:00

What’s the proof for those of us who are lazy?

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-12-22T16:54:43+00:00

Great. Very important info.

Hostileovaries · 2021-12-23T08:51:07+00:00

I will also say this. I'm not saying couples therapy or therapy in general is always a waste of time but it's beyond a waste of time with a narcissist or gaslighting partner. Because while in therapy they will have a mask on and turn the therapist against you or the therapist sees beyond it and knows your partner is the issue but will never really able to get them to see it because they refuse to stick to individual therapy/medication.

CandidKick · 2021-12-23T11:49:28+00:00

Dr. Ramani! Her work is amazing! She helped me identify and change the way in which I deal with toxic individuals. I would HIGHLY recommend checking out her other videos, as well.

InspectorGadget07 · 2021-12-23T22:02:59+00:00

What I like about this is the negging and criticisms she cites are some that I might not even have thought of as that because they’re so subtle.

You leave a party where he’s super charming and as soon as you get in the car he begins criticizing you with:

*Why didn’t you talk to my mother longer?

You didn’t have my back when that guy was talking to me

You know you really weren’t that nice to my boss, that would’ve helped. Don’t you want me to get that promotion”.*

All of those things can be cut downs but will fly under the radar because most women will just look at them as observations or constructive criticism that maybe may be valid and correct and instead question themselves but the aim is letting you know your performance wasn’t good enough or that you weren’t “enough”/ who they needed you to be.

It makes me look at interactions I had with my boss differently. We had a big party once where he was the incredibly charming lead, and very publicly hinted about a promotion he intended to give to me. After we left people broke up in small social groups to talk. I was with his but noticed everyone else of my title and station went back to work long ago. Only managers were left and people who can decide their working time and I’m not one. I meekly put in that perhaps I should go back to work. He flew off the handle yelling at me- FINE!! Just go!! No ones forcing you to be here!!

It was bizarre and so inappropriate to have embarrassed me like that in front of a small group of like 4 talking people especially after having just stood up give a very public monologue highlighting and elevating me as the second coming among a group of 150 onlookers. It was like being in a relationship with a narcissist to an extent

I started thinking about some of the more subtle things he said to me that I took as just being observational but in retrospect were subtly mean to lower my self esteem. Like sending me back 5 times with a simple letter Id written. It could be argued I was new and he was just teaching me to do it properly but the way it was done was definitely subtly meant to make me feel small and a bit stupid and set up a certain power dynamic between us.

One day I made a mistake on something and he called yelling at me that I embarrassed him in front of his high friends and colleagues. Late I received a 6 am text saying something positive to get my spirits back up.

Those things are obvious but there were so many just little things said to me that were really definite attacks on my confidence and self esteem but couched so subtly that they seemed to be purely observational and maybe even true and just caused me to question myself whether I was indeed flawed in that way. They were cut downs in disguise and it was emotional manipulation

Title	They know what they're doing.
Author	divination__
Upvotes	171
Comments	9
Date	December 22, 2021 4:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rm8n83/they_know_what_theyre_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/they-know-what-theyre-doing.1091165 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091165

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