Hi

Father of 2 via surrogacy (she couldn't have children). She's never really developed a connection with the children and always delegating others to deal with the kids. I've felt like I've essentially raised the kids alone, especially since our 2nd was born. Its never felt like its been a joint effort. Always, I need to do more to keep her around (and her being around because we lived near my family was her part of the effort -- tried living closer to her family, but job required working every other weekend and a 35% pay cut... I couldn't handle the hours and pay cut without her picking up the slack.... she hired nannys to be with the kids while I worked).

Aside from all of the above issues, she's now developed (or worsened) an eating disorder. 35-45 miles a day of exercising. Dropped 40 lbs over the past 3 years from already being pretty thin (lost like 30 lbs in 2020 alone). Hospitalized with a severe lung infection and liver problems over the past summer. Lied to doctors.

Socially isolated herself or sabotaging friendships.

Been told that we have a co-dependent relationship.

She's resistant to getting the help that she really needs. It took me almost a year and a half to get her to talk to someone (psychiatrist over the phone) , did a single 30 min nutritionist meeting -- all remotely. I've brought up her to starting treatment with an eating disorder center. Where she gets angry at me that I'm just deflecting from my issues. And I should worry about myself and let her deal with her stuff.

At times, she says that 80% of the problems in our marriage are her issues, but then puts on all of these expectations of me if I expect her to stick around. Been hoping she would take the action to just go stay with her family. I've tried to entice her with getting treatment near her family where she wants to be. But everything requires her to want to go and she's been refusing.

Not sure what kind of damage she's done to herself over the past 2 years (complains about hip and knee pain constantly, ear bleeds daily -- worried about all her sun exposure and cancer now). Her skin is all leathery (spending $1000-1500 a month on creams ..).

More than for myself, feel like I need to get my children away from her as much as I can. That she'll just bring misery and heartache to them. Never mind her emotional abuse at times.

Last week was pretty much the last straw for me. Preplanned a trip to visit my brother 2 hours away for dinner, Christmas light show drive through and having the kids spend a night in a hotel (they've wanted to travel for along time now). I unloaded on her the week previously because i was frustrated by her treatment of me (basically yelling at me for not doing more with the kids and around the house), the kids and her regressing back into bad habits. So her way of showing me she could change and be around (and not hold it over her that she doesn't do anything). So she got in the car with us for the drive. Passed out immediately until my son asked if we were there yet. Once up, she spent the remaining 90 mins complaining about me and all my issues. Then tried to change all the plans I had made. Agreed to an earlier dinner at 4:30 pm. Dinner wasn't the best (understaffed). After dinner she had a panic attack and basically twisted my arm to take her back home. I didn't have the energy to deal with her all night (I haven't slept well in 3-4 weeks because of her nightly panic attacks at 2 am). So i had to break my kids hearts and cancel the light show and hotel stay. And wife couldn't deal with the crying in the car and blamed the kids for the awful drive home. Should have just left her in the hotel and gotten a new room for the kids and myself or gotten her an uber in retrospect.

I've spoken to 2 different lawyers and psychiatrists about her and 4 different eating recovery centers.

Anxious about signing but more about telling her about it.