Before having the talk and dealing with all this inner conflict, it certainly helps to research places and things you want to do once you are free.

xjeeperx · 2021-12-13T00:01:49+00:00

Sound advice. Wish things were different honestly, but I found peace with it before we got to this point. In my own journey of trying to change myself in order to make it work, I came to the realization that I’m not responsible for her happiness, and she isn’t responsible for mine. I’ve shouldered a lot of her baggage for 10 years, and realize that she initially appreciated it, but at some point the appreciation turned to expectation. And I shouldn’t be expected to go above and beyond her expectations in order for her to be happy with me.

ThGr8Brettzky · 2021-12-12T23:49:43+00:00

Probably sage advice. I never had “the talk”, I was served papers via certified mail while stbxw was standing right next to me… good times

Tomo201070 · 2021-12-13T05:28:55+00:00

I’ve just booked myself on 2 months R & R over in Thailand. I fly out Thursday evening and come back in February. I’m picking up a friend’s motorbike and just fucking off into the wild.

Wish me luck, fellas!!

julianvgs · 2021-12-13T00:04:42+00:00

Great advice. I friend suggested me to make a list of all the things I would like to do after divorce; he gave me an example ..."the first thing I wrote and did was to be able to make craft beer, here take one of my fines batch".

Ashamed-Country-8024 · 2021-12-13T00:45:57+00:00

This. I've spent a lot of time over the past year writing down things I would like to do but my wife isn't interested in. One if them is hiking/backpacking/camping. Went for my first hike earlier today. Also been keeping a bucket list as well.

relationshiptossoutt · 2021-12-13T16:07:16+00:00

Oh man, I guess I am a man who just enjoys the small things. I am looking forward to just living in peace in my own home. I haven't been able to truly relax here at home for a long time. I was worried about conflict with my wife. When she's home, I'm anxious and worried about upsetting her. Doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. When she's gone I still have the trigger of wondering what I need to do to make sure she's in a good mood when she comes home. Maybe I clean the kitchen or put the laundry away. Something, anything, to ensure I'm not punished when she gets home.

I have lived as a conflict-avoiding pushover for way too long, in constant fear of my wife and any consequences she'd have in store for me. I do not need motorcycling in Thailand, I need peace in my own home. That's what I'm looking forward to, once I am free.

Title	Before having the talk and dealing with all this inner conflict, it certainly helps to research places and things you want to do once you are free.
Author	LostAndFound1stTime
Upvotes	23
Comments	11
Date	December 12, 2021 11:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rf13g9/before_having_the_talk_and_dealing_with_all_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/before-having-the-talk-and-dealing-with-all-this.1092780 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092780

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