Dating as an autistic male vs autistic female

throwaway67575753 · 2022-01-09T01:27:27+00:00

It must be nice to have the luxury of picking when and who to date. Some of us (mainly guys) would probably have to pay someone just to talk to us!

You have the luxury to choose regardless of your autism. Your partner should accept whether or not they can deal with autism or not and if they are willing to be your partner make strives to learn about it and accommodate you for things you cannot help.

Trust me when I say that that being autistic and living with it and the perception isn't relative to specifically the dating sphere and merely just a factor of people not really understanding neurodivergent people as much. The fact that you attack someone out of jealously for living with the same issue you do based on the mindset you have for me is just not healthy. I'm not on the side of any gender for this issue because autism isn't gender-related.

LiaraLynx · 2022-01-09T01:57:16+00:00

I saw a YouTube video of a woman who is mentally handicapped that married a seemingly decent guy with a decent paycheck. If she can land a dude like that and keep him, well, I think that just shows that women are inherently privileged when it comes to the dating market.

TheSnesLord · 2022-01-09T02:13:11+00:00

Women can have all kinds of faults and they can get dates from men. Also, the media and society encourages men to date women who are/have fat/obese/mental problems/etc., you know to "be a good man".

Men have one single fault and he does not get dates from women. In fact, he is treated like a contagious disease. Also, the media and society discourages women from dating men with any sign of faults, you know "the queen should always date the best men".

The_Final_Skywalker · 2022-01-09T04:30:17+00:00

Oh for fuck sake. STOP MAKING POSTS THAT ARE CENTRAL TO WOMEN! It's not what his sub is about, and everytime this happens, is just for reasons why people don't support Mens Rights cause they see it as men just being sorry for myself I'd they check the top posts of this sub

UnconventionalXY · 2022-01-09T03:32:49+00:00

It's not about the autism per se, but the inherent privilege of women controlling supply side of sex by being the supply, which the demand side of the equation (men) is allowed no power over. Consequently, men are held hostage to what women want, whether that is reasonable or not.

Autism simply becomes another factor on a checklist, like height, which women use to determine whether to engage in sex. Being the supply of sex, with men the rampantly horny demand, means that women can afford to be selective, although ironically 100% of women selecting 20% of men means 80% of women and 80% of men miss out. I'm assuming there are some women who think it through, question their selectivity and go for other characteristics that might make a particular man a good choice, because there aren't 80% of women missing out. But I'm generalising here and the world has enough variability that women being more selective in some areas is offset by women being less selective, or selective of other characteristics, in others, however in the West, the trend seems to be to greater selectivity and damn the consequences.

At the end of the day, if you don't meet a woman's particular checklist, you are unlikely to be chosen and that's just how it is, regardless of how unfair.

A man can rightfully feel envious about this situation because it is unfair, however biology is unfair and nature doesn't consider fairness: it's an evolved human intelligence characteristic to want things to be better, but if you are selfish, then it means someone else can be selfish towards you and the end result is someone wins and someone loses and that could be you or someone else the winner, depending on circumstances over which you may have little control (such as in women's choice). An evolved approach attempts a win-win solution, but that requires reason, rationality and the moderation of primitive emotional responses and women seem to err on the side of emotional response rather than reason.

However, applying reason, we can consider whether a woman really is the only avenue to happiness: they certainly are the traditional point of focus we are conditioned to follow, but since they control supply, men are basically enslaved to what they want, including their unreasoning choices. Instead, perhaps we can consider what aspects of life result in happiness and whether multiple individuals can meet different aspects or different combinations of aspects of that happiness. Friends are always important and its unreasonable to load all our happiness requirements onto one person, so platonic male and female friends should be a given: friends don't have to be local, telepresence has removed the tyranny of distance; and friendship can take many forms, doesn't even have to include visual engagement and is far less selective about characteristics. Sex may be available for purchase, which makes it a much more easily acquired thing and less susceptible to selectivity. Most men don't explore their own erotic potential for fulfilment beyond rudimentary methods and often completely ignore the possibility of recreational sex and/or intimacy with another man (when a man masturbates, he is having sex with a man and anything men do together is inherently masculine). If you want unconditional non-sexual affection, consider getting a dog. Having children is where it starts to get more difficult, but even here, there are options that don't rely on a woman's selectivity.

So, don't mourn that women are unlikely to select you, or envy the men who get picked: 50% of marriages end in divorce, there is no guarantee the relationship was happy even before the divorce and those men are held hostage by their woman for what she wants and not vice versa. Spend your time more productively exploring options that are available to you for achieving happiness, that don't rely on someone else's approval.

Yes, having a "disability" can make it more difficult and there are no guarantees, but far less difficult than if you concentrate getting what you want from one woman who has been given the whip hand.

Diversity is an actual thing in the universe that has been ignored for the longest time and it includes diversity in achieving happiness. If the freeway is blocked, there are usually other roads also leading to the destination, perhaps less traveled, but maybe offering things you never expected on that journey.

bottleblank · 2022-01-09T04:03:39+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, and sympathise, I am also autistic and have the same troubles you've described here and in your comments below.

However, I wouldn't be so quick to say that autistic women have a free ride. I appreciate that women do seem to get it easier, nobody would doubt that any half-attractive woman is going to get approached and hit on sometimes where men definitely aren't. But autistic is, to some extent, autistic. It's difficult for those autistic women too, they still have some of the same stuff you or I deal with, the same sensory issues, the same social issues, the same comorbidities, the same anxiety, the same uncertainty and confusion, the same risk of exploitation.

I do think women do have some advantage there, autistic or not, because men are thirsty and, without wishing to be too crude, to some men "any hole's a goal" and they'll take whatever. But an autistic woman may not want that, they may not be comfortable with that, and may even avoid any situation where that might be a potential circumstance. I wouldn't blame them for that either, if it makes them feel uncomfortable, it's their prerogative to deal with that however they need to.

Instinctively, intuitively, yes, my reaction is to say that you're probably right. I do think that women have the advantage by not being the ones who have to approach, by being in demand, and (as a straight male) being the more attractive of the sexes. I just wouldn't be so quick to write off any potential for it not to be that easy after all, because it may be awkward for an autistic woman to deal with that kind of advance, and they may be pressured into something they don't want, or may feel threatened. That's not even just a "women fragile" thing, that's an "autistic complicated" thing. I've had situations where advances have made me feel confused and vulnerable too, and I'm a man.

Title	Dating as an autistic male vs autistic female
Author	BradenAnderson
Upvotes	4
Comments	22
Date	January 9, 2022 1:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rzff60/dating_as_an_autistic_male_vs_autistic_female/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/dating-as-an-autistic-male-vs-autistic-female.1093910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1093910

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