I hate had Red Pill caused me to hate myself and beat myself up for years because I was a traditional woman with decent behaviour and ethics but stuck in a body that has faught me for most of my life. I know I have so much to offer and yet they'll always make me feel as if it's never enough.

The dread gaming these men instilled into me and the silent treatment that followed if I messed up, even accidentally, gives me panic to this day and I haven't even been with a Red Piller for almost a year.

The constant and compulsive need to always be chasing improvement, never just relaxing, always checking and rechecking things, did I say that right?, did I understand their subtext enough or are they actually saying what they mean?, am I reading him right?! I can't tell!! Ahhh!! I really just want to lie down in bed, snuggle, and read a good book but that other woman is prettier and less awkward anyways, etc. I'm certain he'll enjoy her more.

I'm so drained. I finally just left them all. They've instilled a level of dread that I'm not sure I'll ever get rid of. I don't even know what makes a good woman anymore. I am a solid 6 and strived for perfection until they broke me and once I broke, they were done with me like yesterday's garbage, even though I helped them so much for years, served them, cooked for them, cleaned for them, planned for them, made calls for them... I hate what they did to me.

I know I was taken advantage of and yet they all still just blamed me for not doing enough. It was always something.

SORRY, BRAIN, YOU CAN'T HAVE A HEADACHE NOW. IT'S INCONVENIENT FOR MY RED PILL BOYFRIEND AND HE'LL LEAVE ME IF I DON'T PUSH THROUGH IT. :(

They ruined me.