How can I get better at letting him lead?

scallopkid · 2022-03-14T01:25:51+00:00

Even if you have more local or practical knowledge in an area, you can ask for his input on the higher level decisions like what the goal or overall direction should be and then use your knowledge to fill in all the small decisions that lead toward those overall goals.

Juiceunderthetable · 2022-03-14T01:10:31+00:00

Have been in the situation with a woman quite few times of being in their country, sometimes not knowing the language, didn't stop me leading say 70%-80% of the time.

Are you sure the circumstances will change things? If no, you can't really make someone lead who doesn't want to.

On the other hand if he's trying to take the lead and you aren't letting him, try to bear in mind that you trust his judgment and abilities and just go with his flow.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2022-03-15T02:33:28+00:00

Try reading The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. One of her favourite sayings to defer responsibility to your captain is "Whatever you think! I trust you."

"He always listens to me and is very considerate but every now and then he lacks common sense so I have slight hesitation."

This is a disrespectful comment, frankly. Do you tell him this, that he lacks common sense? If so, this attitude may be creeping in consciously and subconsciously, and be the root of why he doesn't step up more to lead. His common sense is just different than yours. And it is your role to trust that judgement even though you may have made a different choice.

Try using one of Doyle's sayings next time. For example "Wifey, should I take the highway or the side streets to get to the restaurant?" Reply: "Whatever you think!" and then let the man be, do his thing, and then praise him for getting you there safely (or whatever works). X

FleetingWish · 2022-03-18T14:47:39+00:00

Common sense = stuff that seems natural/ important to me.

If you're waiting for the stuff that is natural / important to you to be the same as what's natural / important to him then you will never have him as a leader.

Having a leader means trusting someone especially when they do things differently than you. If you only trust someone when they do things the same as you would do them, then you don't need someone to lead you there, do you?

Bossko971 · 2022-03-14T01:21:21+00:00

You have to know what do you want and then ask him without judging what does he want from that relationship. Then you'll know where to go

AdjectiveMcNoun · 2022-03-23T04:30:15+00:00

May I ask what your cultural backgrounds and/or home countries are? If you don't want to say, I understand. The reason I ask though is because a lot of the differences in the way people do things may be from the way they were raised.

For example, my partner is Egyptian and only moved to the US for his PhD program in his mid 20s. I grew up in the US. His formative years were vastly different from mine. Punctuality is a big difference. I was raised that if you aren't 15 min early, you are late. He just gets there when he gets around to it. If I need him somewhere at a certain time I have learned to tell him a half hour earlier than he actually needs to be there. His Egyptian and Arab friends are the same way. It works pretty well.

Paying for things is another one...he got a little upset the first time I tried to pay for something because that just isn't what his culture does. It's insulting to try to pay for a man because it is implying that they cannot afford whatever it is. We talked about it and decided that I won't offer to pay for anything but if he ever wants me to pay he will ask.

Finding those kind of differences and actively trying to compromise or adjust for them is a big help.

When your man is slow at the stores it may be because his culture just doesn't rush or get in a hurry for that kind of thing. Maybe you could remind him while in line that he needs to have his card ready. If you don't make suggestions or let him know what is bothering you he will never know. Give him a chance to adapt.

As for him asking you for help, it may be because he does not know his way around, or maybe he is following your lead because it is a new place to him but you were raised there. Perhaps he will take the lead when in his home country. Be patient with him and see how it goes when he is in a more familiar place.

You can try to start encouraging him to make decisions by saying "it's up to you" or "whatever you decide." Something like that. I don't know if those would work for the specific situations you are wanting him to take the lead in but it may be somewhere to start.

rammerplex · 2022-03-14T02:10:41+00:00

At the end of every day ask him how you can help him more.

You are already doing a lot, so this question will both reinforce his appreciation of your current support and help you plan for what he needs in the future.

Title	How can I get better at letting him lead?
Author	wasuphomieG
Upvotes	25
Comments	16
Date	March 14, 2022 12:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/tdkois/how_can_i_get_better_at_letting_him_lead/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-get-better-at-letting-him-lead.1106398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106398

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