Ginger Dean @lovingmeafterwe on Instagram is an absolute queen. Following her page on healing from narcissistic abuse and codependency saved my life. This post of hers reminding everyone why she makes woc/female specific content and honestly resonates to why I think FDS also is a female only sub. 💜👑

Platipus6 · 2022-03-16T03:00:28+00:00

Amen. People who use guilt, shame, ostracism or cancelling to force you to censor yourself or change everything about yourself in order to make yourself more palatable or accommodating for people who can't control their own emotions or reactions to reality, are abusers.

makeawomancum · 2022-03-16T02:34:47+00:00

Her caption on her Instagram post reads as follows;

lovingmeafterwe:

“It’s important to respect my boundaries around my audience and language especially as it relates to my expertise.

My expertise lies in helping women heal after toxic relationships. That much is stated and very much made clear in my bio.

Boundaries are necessary when telling someone else how they should show up so that you can center yourself and your needs while white washing my own and that of my audience.

Some coaches speak specifically to black people like @therapyforblkmen and @therapyforblackgirls.

Some like @thecanvaswithin and @mikecampbellmc speak to men directly.

Should they stop because it makes some uncomfortable?

I follow other therapists who speak to the Asian and Hispanic communities as well. I do not go there asking them to decenter themselves and their audience in pursuit of inclusion because I am Jamaican.

That isn’t inclusion.

Inclusion as you describe it requires de-centering and white-washing the experiences of the women in my audience in order to center yours.

So while I understand and respect your perspective, I do have boundaries around this.

I’ve chosen to speak to women for reasons frequently expressed in my content here. The same for the accounts/therapists mentioned above.

We all have our place and when I visit their accounts I take what works and discard what doesn’t without asking them to decenter themselves and their chosen focus.

I can honor and respect how you have chosen to show up and self-identify while knowing that how I choose to doesn’t have to be the same because where I end and you begin are 2 separate points.

This is a core tenet when healing codependency. Meaning, you don't get to enmesh your ideals around how I show up with mine and the work to bully me until I acquiesce.

Further, asking me to change how I show up around my content is also a codependency issue due to the lack of boundaries and the resistance to examine your issues with the use of the term "girl" here.

That is how I identify with my inner child and that will not change.

Again, because it is a boundary issue.

If I need advice on my content I’ll ask but until then, I’ll continue as I have been.”

lostmillenia · 2022-03-16T03:03:47+00:00

Oh my god. Im in love with her. She put it so perfectly.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-03-16T04:45:45+00:00

Peak eloquence!

makeawomancum · 2022-03-16T02:43:15+00:00

“You will not Christopher Columbus your way into my content. My lived experience matters and we can celebrate the differences, heal and grow while not asking others to decenter themselves so that you don't have to look in the mirror and see yourself.” was my favorite part.

I made the mistake in my most recent post’s comments of deciding to paste and respond to a scrote who really triggered me in my DMs. A mod helped me understand again why we have flairs and how me clapping back to an offended male was the worse option compared to how I could have simply ignored him. The rest of Reddit is male dominated and we don’t need to see their bs here especially. Men don’t deserve a platform here since almost all they do to us is gaslight and speak over women. I’m very sorry I didn’t realize I was letting him bypass the flair by publicly trying to defend myself the way I did. I should have focused on the good advice my FDS sisters were giving me, not the negativity coming from a random lvm. Ginger Dean on Instagram gets too much harassment mainly because her comments go unmoderated. 😔💜

CheetahEnergy · 2022-03-16T02:43:07+00:00

Ugh i love her so much. Not seeing gender/sex is like not seeing color. Aka a load of crap. Gtfo

2022-03-16T04:54:09+00:00

I'm not going to write paragraphs apologizing for owning my female womanhood experience. I could care less if men who think they're women think I'm "hateful". They literally expect all the privilege of being a man as a woman. Notice how these "women" are shocked when subjected to harassment, male violence, etc. Ya sweetie it's called sexism. Dumbasses

frenchroast67 · 2022-03-16T18:29:58+00:00

“Identifies as such with the feminine experience” this could include literally any man on the planet if he decides that he “identifies” this way

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