Practical activism

Oncefa2 · 2022-04-01T15:46:22+00:00

In the past I've been active politically with legislation designed to reform the family court system.

At one point I had a rather disheartening conversion with a couple of representatives about theft in divorce. The response I got was "that's what prenups are for". It hasn't all been negative though and I like to think that I've helped. I've gone out of my way to email cosponsors on bills that I like, for example.

I also think I'm pretty open about some of my opinions and have probably convinced a few people IRL on a number of points. Including my girlfriend on the whole marriage thing, and a friend of mine who's a white mother of mixed boys on the issues around the police and stigmas about criminality (she thought that maybe they'd get a pass for being mixed, and that's just not how it works). On that note I also try to be a good male role model and a good father / step-father at home.

I like to think that I'm there for my male friends also and try to organize activities and stay social as best as I can, although COVID and parental responsibilities has definitely put a damper on that. It's real easy to retreat to your home life and forget about all your friends and people outside that environment (speaking about myself). I know what the research in psychology says about that, but much like what I've noticed about chores and domestic labor division, sometimes that just kind of happens on it's own without you realizing it.

There's something to be said about educating people and speaking out online also.

DekajaSukunda · 2022-04-01T19:20:40+00:00

English isn't my first language and I struggled to write this. Sorry for the vocabulary.

Every semester my college does an "expulsion" process where all the students that have had low enough grades according to some metrics they have, have to write an appeal. College was the worst time of my life (for a multitude of reasons), and I found myself in this situation many times.

This made me notice 2 things. First, that the people who find themselves in this situation are overwhelmingly male. Second, that the person in charge of representing our students in front of the council is the vicepresident of the student council. Being a political charge in college, this was very feminist dominated.

Now I want to be fair - all the women who had to represent me were dilligent and I never felt like they misrepresented me. But this is a very stressful situation, one you don't often talk about with your family, some people don't have many friends, so sometimes this person also ends up being a bit of your confidant. And there's a lot of things I wouldn't like to open up about.

So what I've been doing for the past 2 years is offering my help so I could play a bit of the confidant part and help these guys (and some girls) write their defenses and prepare them for the oral appeal, that can be very nerve-wracking.

It's not much. I wish there could be more options for men to do male-specific advocacy, the way women do. Having to start so much from scratch makes it all harder.

hendrixski · 2022-04-02T11:32:12+00:00

Donate to National Parents Organization. I hope to volunteer some time with them as well.

molbionerd · 2022-04-06T05:07:58+00:00

I make a point of being open with everyone, but in particular the men I'm close with, about the mental health issues I deal with, the fact that I'm on an antidepressant for MDD, have adult diagnosed inattentive ADD, anxiety, and see a therapist.

It has certainly caused a lot of people some discomfort when I causally bring it up (when appropriate to the conversation). I've had people do the slow back out of the circle, give me the side eye like I'm now more of a threat (dude it depression, not uncontrollable fits of violent outbursts), or even just fall silent.

I think its made a difference. My friend group has always been really tight and open (hugs every time we see each other and before we leave, expressing feelings like "I love you, and I'm lucky to have you as a friend", etc) but the mental health stuff was a little bit harder to break down the walls. But its been years since I was diagnosed and made a point of being total honest about it. Most of them were surprised at first because they didn't know how severe it was (which is why I make it point to be open about it now) I think they all understood the idea of putting on a mask but didn't really know about "smiling depression", or the extreme dichotomy between what I presented (I'm the happiest guy in the room and can make friend with everyone) and what was going on in my head.

I think its brought us all closer as friends, and I hope it helps reduce some of the stigma they and other men may feel.

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