“It will happen one day”

CFinCanada · 2022-03-30T17:34:26+00:00

I think there's obviously some pragmatic steps missing in that rhetoric.

Yes, you should work on yourself. You should also be proactive about getting out there, join meetup groups that suit your interests, activities, go to street festivals and events where you live, try and be friendly and open as people are drawn to those with a happy and open disposition and who are having a good time, if you like to cook join cooking classes, if you like to work out consider joining yoga or Pilates classes, schedule a photoshoot for some headshots for your online dating profile, make sure you have pics of yourself smiling, not just smouldering, above all, make your #1 priority making friends of both sexes. That should come first before dating because believe it or not, for multiple reasons, a often leads to b.

n0name1026 · 2022-03-30T17:44:33+00:00

Most people are not good at giving other people advice. Its not their job and often times generic advice is thrown out there because people are uncomfortable with being asked to solve a situation they have not personally lived.

The #1 question i always ask is "what do you think will change in your life?"

If youre struggling emotionally and in other domains in your life, those should come first. People who are unhappy single can be miserable in a pairing. The Hollywood trope is that a relationship 'completes' you. Hollywood is famously wrong about most things. A gunshot wound to your arm or leg is still fatal. Knocking someone out doesn't put them to sleep, it actually kills them if they aren't revived immediately. College and high school(especially if youre a zoomer) isn't an endless orgy of easy hookups and alcohol. And many men and women would rather be single than be with someone who they are incompatible with. A lot of things that happen in life or don't happen just boil down to luck.

You could struggle to meet women in your town, but then when you're on vacation and forced to talk to people to find your way around town or to practice your language skills with the locals you could meet someone who genuinely finds you interesting and would like to go out with you, or you could be in another city and for whatever reason the women are more similar to you than the ones in your town.

Redpill literature offers a simple answer to a complicated question. There is SOME truth to it(you should be healthy, articulate, and know how to tell a story in an engaging way such that even something mundane like going to the grocery store can be a funny or interesting story) but all the stuff about being an alpha male is just largely based on a misunderstanding of animal behavior. It persists because its easy to understand and package to sell to people. Not because of any scientific veracity.

achyshaky · 2022-03-30T23:52:26+00:00

I think you're misinterpreting "waiting", but I don't blame you. On it's face, the advice gives the wrong impression.

"Waiting" doesn't mean literally sitting around and hoping someone will stumble across you and like you. In reality, the advice should be "stop devoting so much of your mental energy to relationships."

At the risk of ruffling some feathers, I don't believe that a lack of success in dating is the biggest risk-factor for becoming an incel. It's actually a crippling fear of being single.

I don't blame men for having said fear - it's more or less forged into our identities from a very young age. Any media we can imagine - books, TV, music, cinema, whatever - tells us that we're fundamentally missing something if we don't have a date. And in a way, we sort of do, but not for the reasons we think.

Men generally are very reluctant to be emotionally vulnerable in a platonic context, especially with other men. This only reinforces our sense of emotional neglect, and hence our beliefs that our basic emotional needs will never be met if we don't have a romantic partner. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it's easy to break out of. The key is learning to be comfortable with single life.

Now, that's not the same thing as throwing in the towel. It simply means realizing that our worth as human beings isn't, and shouldn't, be tied to our relationship status. Neither should our sense of contentment.

In fact, being comfortable single is pivotal to success in romance. Again, another sentence that doesn't make sense, but it's actually a simple concept.

When you're confident single, you're almost certainly going to become more confident in other areas too.

And when you aren't scouring every inch of the earth looking for a girlfriend (or frustrating yourself waiting for the day someone finally notices you), you'll have more time and energy to devote to bettering yourself.

You can develop hobbies that make you happy. You can probably find a job that gives you basic financial stability. Most importantly, though, you can make friends. Friends who you can be vulnerable around, helping to regulate your emotions to an extent. Friends who will then look at you and see a confident, happy, responsible, independent, and emotionally mature man staring back at them.

And when those things combine with a good chemistry, shared interests, and matching attraction, then you'll find your partner. No sooner, no later. No one can put a date on that, but that's perfectly okay.

That's what "waiting" means - realizing that romance isn't a matter of life or death, but ideally is something that just... happens, without much input. Not letting a passive desire for a relationship turn into a craving.

AutoModerator · 2022-03-30T20:07:48+00:00

You are correct that simply waiting around for women to fall into your lap is terrible advice if you weren't lucky in the attractiveness department. But there is a big luck or chance encounter aspect to getting a gf. Like maybe you are single for a few years, but then meet a cute girl at work who is into you.

I suggest you do your due dilligence. Work on making yourself more physically attractive, have a social life where you are meeting women, make a good online dating profiles, initiate with women, and learn what you are supposed to do when dating.

Do things that will improve your chances with dating but also improves your life anyway. Try to live a fulfilling happy single life where you have close friends and connections. If you don't ever find a gf, then at least you can say that you did it right, and you have a good life anyway.

difficultconcept · 2022-03-30T18:59:05+00:00

Bullshit, it might and might not happen.

ahimsa_42 · 2022-03-31T10:31:11+00:00

the longer a man goes without attracting women the less likely it is that he will ever find a romantic partner. one is attractive when other people are attracted to them and when a women is attracted to a man, the vast majority of times she will make that very clear to him. men who never get choosing signals over a very long period of time are simply not attractive and due to OLD & social media, average is the new ugly. self improvement is great for certain things but the bottom line is that despite popular opinion it is impossible to out work your genetics so without a certain baseline of height & looks, it does not matter what else he may have to offer. when she likes his personality but not his physical appearence it means a trip straight to the dreaded friendzone.

the fact is that unless a women finds a man physically appealing, nothing else he has to offer is going to make her find him attractive. the sad reality is that despite what they may claim, what women find attractive in men is entirely genetic (height, face, hair) so your smv potential was determined at birth. he can however get away with being deficient in one area if he makes it up in another. for example, a 5'6 man can have success if he is also very facially attractive and an average looking man can have success if he is also tall. the issues come in when a man has mutliple negative physical attributes-like being short, bald & average at best looking. in this case it's pretty much game over for him when it comes to dating & relationships as women are simply unwilling to settle for inferior men when they have a plethora of tall, good looking men with good hairlines available at the swipe of their phone screens.

AutoModerator · 2022-03-30T16:39:37+00:00

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RedPillDetox · 2022-03-31T08:28:22+00:00

No, it won't just "happen one day". From a probabilistic point of view, if we are walking on this earth for an average of 80 years, and having social interactions then yeah, at some point you'd probably date someone, still, that's no guarantee whatsoever. If you want to date, you need to put yourself out there, chase women as much as possible, risk rejection, be very mindful of your own worth and what you can realistically get.

carritotaquito · 2022-03-31T17:56:15+00:00

It will happen one day, or:

God has a person picked for you.

There is one soulmate out there for you, or there was ... and he/she/they just died in a car crash.

Love will show up when you will least expect it.

Finding a relationship is all a matter of luck and chance.

You don't find love; love finds YOU.

All of that... #IT IS BULLSHIT!!

YOU, AND YOU ALONE... #ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

If you want to find a partner... find ways to improve your health, improve your hygiene, try to heal the biggest emotional hurdles in your life, and just try to be okay with yourself. Not perfect, of course. We are all works in progress: always. Just good enough that you won't hurt another person with your own adversities.

But never, EVER, think that love will just magically appear out of nowhere.

Title	“It will happen one day”
Author	HinterweltDelendaEst
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	March 30, 2022 4:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/tsakuw/it_will_happen_one_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/it-will-happen-one-day.1109403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109403

Comments

All of that... #IT IS BULLSHIT!!

YOU, AND YOU ALONE... #ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

But never, EVER, think that love will just magically appear out of nowhere.