Do I have to put on the fun,stoic,carefree act forever?

clear_lights · 2016-09-19T17:12:42+00:00

Welcome to Western society. You aren't going to find that one you want in the places you're looking for. You'll have to go to places where feminism is barely relevant or find them when they're really young and mold them on your own. Takes a lot of energy though ..

MuhTriggersGuise · 2016-09-19T20:32:11+00:00

You shouldn't be pretending to be stoic, fun, and carefree; you should aspire to actually be these things. You shouldn't get upset when women act like women; do you get upset when a toddler throws a tantrum? It's just they're nature. You don't get mad at the sun for shining, do you? That's just what it does.

You shouldn't show weakness. You should captain your relationships through action, not "serious talks". Women are turned off by effeminate men. Don't act like a woman. If you have urges to do these things, you know what areas you need to grow in.

Imagine a woman complaining about having to be fit, pleasant, clean, personable, and fashionable to keep a top tier man interested. Can she dump the "act" eventually? Sure, but a top tier man isn't going to stick around for her getting fat, dumpy, and bitchy. She should aspire to be a better woman until it comes naturally with little effort. On the same token, you should work in growing into a man that naturally exudes positive male qualities, instead of just faking them. Don't want to do it? Then don't expect to pull and keep women who are doing their end of the bargain to be a top tier female.

PoofyPossum666 · 2016-09-20T00:57:56+00:00

You're 24 and already living independently in your own place, lift regularly, look good and you're pretty successful with the ladies. You're already doing significantly better than the vast majority of men in their twenties.

With your success you've created an unprecedented level of outcome independence, only you don't realize it yet. From your description I'd be correct in assuming you're in many social circles? You have many groups of friends?

You credit your success to "faking it." Okay, well you're successful now, so you can afford to drop the act in one of your social circles and grow from the experience that comes with it.

Pick one of your groups of friends and actively become more honest with them. Say what you feel, say what's on your mind. Don't sugarcoat anything.

At worst, you lose that particular group of friends. At best you learn more about yourself as well as others and grow as a person. At best you'll see the different reactions from women to the 'real' you.

From this you might be able to find out which parts of the 'real you' you're willing to change or improve on, and the parts of the 'real you' you aren't willing to compromise.

"Fake it 'till you make it" is a good strategy when it comes to most of life's pursuits, be it women, business, politics. "Fake it 'till you make it" is good for game.

You're talking about personal fulfillment, OP. You can't fake that. You need to develop a foundation of self love, and to do that you need to open yourself up to pain.

Ironically enough, by being so successful (through 'faking it') you've created the conditions in which you can do this with significantly less risk than the average joe.

TL;DR - OP's faking it as an alpha and needs to embrace his inner faggot to find true self love. Fuck, man, why do you think gay men are always so cheerful?

Edited - Wasn't gay enough.

samuraiBR777 · 2016-09-19T19:28:15+00:00

I think exactly the same as you dude.

I don't like pretending being another person, as I have already did before to get a girl. I feel disgusted for being somebody that it's not the real me. I search a girl to make me grow up and for me to make her grow up, where I appretiate the way she is and she appretiate the way I really am.

casemodsalt · 2016-09-19T18:35:30+00:00

I stopped caring and trying at all. It is indeed to much effort. I just use tinder, set whatever I want in my profile, then spam the heart button every day and filter out what matches I actually do get. I also cover the pictures because they are irrelevant until matched.

Gawernator · 2016-09-19T20:39:48+00:00

Fake it 'TIL you make it.

jeezydasnowman · 2016-09-19T21:43:56+00:00

Try being not fun, caring way to much, using no emotional intelligence. You think the grass is greener?

JaneeCathartica · 2016-09-19T22:57:20+00:00

You'll never find anything real under false pretenses, but trp thinks women only love opportunistically. You can take that as a rule, or remain open minded. Just know that you do deserve real love.

rep_movsd · 2016-09-19T23:48:27+00:00

"Doing the carefree act" to get girls is really not the point. It's like using steroids or Synthol to get big muscle. Not sustainable over the long run.

The point of self-improvement is to actually be that fun, stoic carefree guy.

It shouldn't need to take any effort, once you are there. But there is no real moment you have "reached".

Self-improvement, discipline, and all that jazz seem like lots of effort to most people, but over time it becomes a habit.

The natural way of a man is to progress in every dimension possible. Respect, and sexual attraction are a side effect of that.

If you're 10% BF and lifting 4 times a week, then its become part of your nature. Perhaps you need to tackle some other "weakness"

Censoring your true self never leads to anywhere good. If you feel you have to keep humoring women, think hard about why you are doing that.

onmyownpath · 2016-09-20T02:00:29+00:00

Keep working on yourself until you are no longer pretending.

wont_tell_i_refuse · 2016-09-20T03:46:09+00:00

As others have said, don't pretend to be that man. Become him. If you keep faking, eventually you're going to meet a real alpha and feel like shit because he'll have "it" and you won't. (Most) women can't tell, but you'll know. Don't ever settle for less.

And stop judging yourself by your n count.

[deleted] · 2016-09-20T04:25:59+00:00

You can only be a completely self-sufficient man. Learn to love your aloneness.

As a man, we have strength in our ability to reason and our ability to suffer. It's what we are and not who we are.

Women act on what they are.

[deleted] · 2016-09-20T05:25:35+00:00

Keep doing it until it's no longer an act.

everythingisthrown · 2016-09-20T06:28:17+00:00

AFPJ · 2016-09-23T22:19:26+00:00

here's the catch, I'm not being anywhere near myself and really want a relationship.

It's pretentious for anyone to attempt dictating your desires, alas this limbic tendency demonstrates that while you may have read & memorized TRP, you haven't internalized it. You don't FEEL it. Once you do, the rosy glasses come off and you realize that almost all relationships you have with women will be detrimental or barely even in terms of benefiting your life - which is how you'll know when you're ready to engage in LTRs: aiming for a happy medium.

Women are a handful. They need to be made felt good, coddled, taken care of in many ways just like kids. If you haven't been doing this, your relationships have a pattern of failing. Once you start, you realize it's a lot of work.

It makes me sick to my stomach that putting up my fake act works so well.

Probably because you still see them as your equals. Your best male friend or brother is an equal. If he sees you freaking the fuck out, he's not going to leave or also freak the fuck out - he's going to help you figure shit out.

What if you were flying a plane and freaked out? You think your passengers will feel safe? Think back to when you were very young and your parents freaked the fuck out, how did you feel? That's how your date / girlfriend feels.

Willow-girl · 2016-09-20T03:39:08+00:00

As a woman, I find it touching that even on this site -- which seems to be mostly dedicated to strategies for banging slutty chicks -- a lot of the men seem to hunger for a real relationship. Even here! That's kinda sweet. OK, I'll bow out now.

Title	Do I have to put on the fun,stoic,carefree act forever?
Author	You_Know_Its_True_69
Upvotes	27
Comments	42
Date	September 19, 2016 4:55 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/53ij6n/do_i_have_to_put_on_the_funstoiccarefree_act/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-i-have-to-put-on-the-funstoiccarefree-act.111527 https://theredarchive.com/post/111527

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