Husband's consoling technique with baby doesn't work, advice needed

Easywintergardening · 2022-06-13T03:26:51+00:00

When is your baby crying and why? What is he doing to console that seems to make it worse?

Sometimes there are favorite parents and if you’re with the baby all the time it’s probably natural that the baby is crying because they would rather have you. I would sweetly explain that to him. Also unless he’s hurting or getting extremely upset with the baby I don’t see the problem of letting him deal with the crying until he accepts advice on better ways to do it. Just my opinion. My husband just passes the baby to me when the baby is fussy. It’s tough but really the most passive way to deal with it than explaining how to handle things himself.

Edit: okay I read another post of yours and I see it’s because he’s not bouncing or rocking the baby. I really don’t think he’s doing anything wrong and think maybe because your sil is there you’re really taking on her anxiety about the baby crying with your husband. Maybe babies are all different but I’m not a baby bouncer and do basically what your husband does to calm my kids down. They learn to handle that type of soothing. I would maybe deal with it when your sil is here but not worry too much. I really don’t think he’s doing anything wrong and the baby probably wants you instead or is not used to the soothing method yet

EGOtyst · 2022-06-13T11:23:12+00:00

That's exactly what I needed when my kids were young and I was a new dad.

I was doing everything I could think of to bond with them, and it felt like they hated me and I felt like a terrible father who could do nothing right!

Luckily, my wife swooped in and took the baby, told me I was doing it wrong and confirmed those fears I had! So now I let her do all that and just don't try anymore. I guess I'll check back in when they can catch a baseball.

/s, BTW.

Squirrels_Angel · 2022-06-13T21:00:32+00:00

Ok women can make more expressions with their faces then men do. There has been numerous studies on the nuances of this and infant interactions. Babies will take longer to calm down typically with a male due to this, however the nuance is that the more said baby is exposed with the father uninterrupted the more adjusted the baby gets. It is also a common issue in Nicu and Picu with male care givers. Also its common when the baby is born super early to associate with nurses more, and gets squared away with kangaroo care. However, I do not know the age of the child in question. There could be visual issues where the kid is going based off smells and of course your smell would probably be associated with milk and nurturing. It could be just a colicky baby. My daughter was miserable almost constantly and her issues was colitis. I would say if given ample time your husband will be able to soothe the baby if there is not a health reason for the issues.

anneofgreensuburbs · 2022-06-14T23:54:38+00:00

Part of the reason for baby's distress may be that he senses you near, especially if you are nursing. You smell like milk, comfort, and cuddles. Leave the room. Ideally, leave the house for a little while. Let them have time to figure it out and bond.

Thank your lucky stars that your husband is willing to get through the fussing, and do the work so that he and your baby understand each other. This will take time, and trust from you. That doesn't make it easy on you, I know. It's SO hard, but this is short term discomfort for long term benefits for you all.

Hugs, Mama. I've been there.

airpork · 2022-06-17T02:55:19+00:00

i have a 5 month old and I get it. i feel we can respect our husbands but also no need to tiptoe around them? we are wives not slaves. I gently tell my husband my views on parenting and how certain decisions distresses me (for eg. hearing baby cry too much). we then discuss and come to a compromise. My husband is highly masculine and highly successful but he is empathetic and logical when it comes to child rearing. If this is your first child there is bound to be friction. I hope you guys find a way!

happytoadgang · 2022-06-13T15:24:28+00:00

What bad thing do you think is going to happen if the baby cries? What is “too much”?

brushshstrokes · 2022-06-30T19:47:29+00:00

Ask your husband if he wants advice but don't force it on it. He probably feels emasculated, like when women comment on men's driving.

While it's not great to keep the baby crying, trust that your husband will figure out how to console your baby on his own. It may be a slow learning curve but it's better than nagging.

Also, your husband likely wants a chance to feel competent at this on his own. Give him that opportunity.

Title	Husband's consoling technique with baby doesn't work, advice needed
Author	lunavicuna
Upvotes	14
Comments	23
Date	June 13, 2022 1:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/vb157a/husbands_consoling_technique_with_baby_doesnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/husbands-consoling-technique-with-baby-doesnt-work.1116210 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116210

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