So in 2015 I met a really fun girl. We hooked up on the first night and started seeing each other off and on for a while. No exaggeration, we had almost everything in common: our musical tastes, the food we liked, our (dark) sense of humor... everything. (It was actually borderline absurd how many parallels there were.) Now a blue-pilled mind might start thinking, "soulmate." I was however at a point in my life (still am), where I was not interested in pairing off, for various reasons, no matter how uncanny our relationship kept becoming, I refused to commit. I even let her know from the very beginning I'd be ending this at some point. We were just having fun, no big deal. It got to the point that despite the fact we didn't have an exclusive relationship, we were acting like a swinging monogamous couple, minus any titles. (I never ONCE allowed her to call me her boyfriend and I never once called her my girlfriend.) To be honest, I've never me a woman before or after that could *play* with me the way she could. Our playtime, not just in the bedroom, was awesome. If I had been of a monogamous mindset, I might have tried to choose her to pair-bond back then. It was only my cultivated mindset that kept me away from commitment.

This pseudo-relationship went on for years, honestly. We'd bang someone else and then come back to each other and talk about how insane most men and women are. I thought our relationship would end sooner than it actually did, but I wound up staying in Colorado longer than I expected, so we spent 4 years seeing each other... and she fell MADLY in love with me. I grew very, very fond of her, too, but she told me she would have stayed with me for life, and she couldn't help herself. She knew I wasn't hers, and that just made her want me even more.

At that time, I truly did feel bad for what I considered was "leading her on" but the truth is I was always honest with her. "I like you. You're fun. I like the way I feel when you're around. But I'll be leaving someday. I know we're not the right one for each other for life." However I NOW see that I was working crazy dread-game on her without even realizing it. By placing her in an impossible situation where she could never have my heart permanently, (I told her it was elsewhere), she must have internalized my value as a mate being off the charts, and couldn't help herself. I always gave her the choice to leave, and she never did. This created a spiral of me liking her more and more even though I still knew I'd end it someday, and she responded to this incredibly well as far as her feelings for me went as she was constantly experiencing a plethora of both positive and negative emotions about our relationship without being able to blame me for any mistakes I made.

I also remember really internalizing red-pill only months before our relationship ended and changing the way I approached sex with her, acting like I was entitled to it and she didn't really much of a say about it.

I've never seen her more wet in my life. Fucked with my mind hard, but it is what it is.

I honestly had no intention to create dread game, I just didn't care. I was just being honest about where I was. It is actually quite disturbing to me, in retrospect, to realize that I had allowed my self to fall head over heels with her and give my heart to her fully, she may not have fallen for me the way she did at all.