A woman new on the dating app scene will be enamored by the attention- so many options, often exceeding her wildest fantasies. A gym-rat in his early-thirties, looking to relieve a bit of stress after leaving the office; the twenty-four year old bartender; the frat guy cheating on his teenage girlfriend; everyone vapid and interchangeable- all chasing a woman over forty. She always knew she could do better than her husband- and with the maturity of age, now she’s comfortable enough with her sexuality to indulge without regret.

And even if she had more fun than she ever thought were possible on those lonely nights, sitting under the glow of her television, with an open bottle of wine, playing and replaying the eventual conversation she’d need to have with her husband; even if she had gotten to live out the female version of every man’s fantasy, with the only limit being a time predestined by her own genetic code, a threshold causing the attention to taper- she’ll one day realize that coldness had always surrounded her, even if she couldn’t always feel it.

[Excerpt from: WELCOME TO HELL]

Lesson: I thought of my poor old Dad last night when talking to a female friend about a friend of hers who's been "doing the dating app" thing after she'd gone through her divorce. Part of it has been great- men everywhere! Taking her out! Taking her on vacations! Dinners! Wineries! Sexy young men! Wealthy older men!

She had felt so lousy and dejected after her divorce that all the attention had made her feel like she was in college again.

That's part of it.

The other part is that she drinks more than she ever has and cries just as much. After every conversation about keeping things causal; after every text she gets the next morning, last night was great but I don't think we have chemistry, despite him fucking until the blue chew wore off... It's the same story, every single time, and now she expects it like clockwork.

I thought of my poor old Dad last night, the time he explained to me, as a teenager, that none of the girls I was palling around with on the phone- on school nights, as they'd gossip about boys they liked- were actually going to be my girlfriend. They were just using me...

As I explained to my friend, about her girlfriend using these dating apps. None of these guys will want her to be their girlfriend.

Funny how it switches like that.