Advice on getting ex to adhere to court approved visitation/custody agreements? Please and thanks!

cschoonmaker · 2022-09-05T20:42:38+00:00

A lot of this will depend on where you are. My son was 16 when he had problems with his mother. She threw him out twice and he came to live with me both times full time. But Because he was a minor and a court order was still in effect, I couldn't do anything to stop her from coming over to pick him up on "her days". The only thing that prevented him going was the he was 6' tall and weighed 200lbs. So she couldn't just pick him up and put him in her car any more. I was afraid she would involve law enforcement or the courts and claim that I was depriving her of her relationship with her child. So after the 2nd time she threw him out and he came to live with me, I filed for a change of custody. I won. I didn't get sole custody, but what I got was her visitation limited to the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends (5th weekendonly happens every 6 mos or so) of every month, AND the judge included in the order that him going to visit her was ENTIRELY at HIS discretion. Which means if he didn't want to go to her house on "her weekend", he didn't have too and there was nothing she could do to me about it.

The nice part for me is that he WANTED to be with me full time just like his sister. He had no structure over at her place. His mother didn't really spend time with him. She didn't cook so they were always eating fast food. It's like she wanted him there to prove to herself that she was a good parent. But he hated being there. And 2 years later, he still only sees her maybe once a month.

Your rights are spelled out in the visitation schedule. However you cannot force a 16 year old to do anything. Keep the lines of communication open to him. Let him know you are there for him anytime he wants to talk. Tell him about your concerns, but do it without judgement or blame. Let him know that you love him and only want what is best for him. He may reach out to you, or he may not. But attempting to force him to do something is only going to push him away. It will build resentment. I don't envy your position. I wish you all the luck possible in reaching him.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-05T23:57:20+00:00

As a dad who has spent nearly $500k in legal fees and now in debt - I would suggest you stop ruining your financial life. Always be there for your son, reach out to him, but you need to put an end to your own financial destruction.

captainchippsixx · 2022-09-05T21:23:59+00:00

It ain’t working. Sounds like you need to think out of the box. People your dealing with sound like they have problems probably with all aspects of life. There goal is try to get more money from you through court? Kid left alone? Kids failing school, how’s there attendance? Anonymously Call dcs? Same with iIRS. Use your knowledge of her to work a plan.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2022-09-06T00:33:18+00:00

Holy crap! Same issue with a 15 year old daughter. She changes into the dark person when she is at moms. Now she’s refusing to come to my house. I’m only in 5 years and 70,000 into the legal fight.

James1933-75 · 2022-09-06T13:03:00+00:00

Do not force a child of that age. Why did the divorce occur, adultery? If you force him, he will forever hate you.

Help7117 · 2022-09-06T10:31:00+00:00

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the guidance and recommendations.

pk2at · 2022-09-06T00:16:01+00:00

He's 16, so not much you can do at this point. Ask him to repay Child support, that may give him some motivation to work

BlackHoleSlurpy · 2022-09-06T09:37:47+00:00

File a motion for criminal contempt. She's not following the order. A civil contempt is just a fine that takes money from the family and children. A criminal motion can either put her in the clink for a few days or, if you're nice and don't want that, at least get her on criminal probation which means if she even does the slightest thing to violate it during probation then she's in a probation violation situation.

Title	Advice on getting ex to adhere to court approved visitation/custody agreements? Please and thanks!
Author	Help7117
Upvotes	15
Comments	8
Date	September 5, 2022 8:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x6q0j4/advice_on_getting_ex_to_adhere_to_court_approved/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice-on-getting-ex-to-adhere-to-court-approved.1129967 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129967

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