Boyfriend told me he cheated years ago, don’t know how to feel about it

KombuchaEnema · 2022-11-11T22:33:28+00:00

He might be trickle-truthing.

A lot of cheaters will tell only a small percentage of the truth. Why? Because it allows them to relieve some of their guilt without telling you the full details. It allows them to control the narrative. And it allows them to gauge your reaction so that they can decide if they want to tell you the full truth or not.

So it’s highly likely that he did sleep with her. But he’s telling you they only kissed. Again, this is so he can relieve the guilt without any fear of losing you.

I say this because trickle truth is extremely common in regards to infidelity. I highly recommend sitting him down and asking him if there’s anything else he wants to tell you. And you need to put the pressure on him.

He’s already proven that he’s dishonest. There’s no reason to assume he’s telling the full truth right now. If he’s an honorable man (and he is telling the truth), then he will fully understand your suspicion.

ladida1321 · 2022-11-11T21:39:53+00:00

Why is this just coming out now? And is that woman still in your lives?

Striking_Builder_380 · 2022-11-11T23:30:06+00:00

Why would he tell you?

I was cheated on once when I was young and he came out and told me. My dad told me that men will only own up to cheating if they want an excuse to end the relationship, or to selfishly alleviate their conscience at your expense. Over the years I've found that to be very accurate. This noble "you deserve the truth" thing is total BS imo.

OkraGarden · 2022-11-11T21:29:24+00:00

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" tends to be true. The odds are excellent that he will cheat on you again. Even if he says he won't, if you stay in a relationship with him long enough he is likely to give into the temptation to cheat again in the future if he feels bored with you or simply comes across someone he likes better. He has shown that he is someone who has trouble saying "no" to temptation and that's a personality trait that's not going to change.

jaydeke · 2022-11-12T13:48:35+00:00

Kissing and other stuff is still cheating, even if it doesn’t end with having sex.

That said, I’m sorry this happened to you. Do you think you can forgive?

AutoModerator · 2022-11-11T21:18:23+00:00

Title: Boyfriend told me he cheated years ago, don’t know how to feel about it

Full text: (English isn’t my first language so please excuse my weird phrasing) Today my boyfriend of 5 years told me, that 4 years ago he (almost?) cheated on me. He told me, that back then he invited a women he had a fling with before we were together to his house, he said he planned it as a friendly meeting. I always had a bad feeling about this woman and he told me they kissed and almost slept together but he stopped it and told her to go home. I don’t know how to feel about it, since it happened long ago and I don’t really want to end the relationship and our plans for the future over this. Still I’m very hurt and I don’t know how to act or feel about it, any advice?

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VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-11-13T15:27:46+00:00

Still I’m very hurt and I don’t know how to act or feel about it, any advice?

This was cowardly on your bf's part. While I do not date monogamously, I do not pretend that I do. In fact I am rather up front about it. People who do (which they shouldn't) cheat in monogamous relationships need to take that to the grave with them. All he has done is (as /u/KombuchaEnema correctly points out) is relived himself of guilt and he has now passed the burden of bearing it to you, which is tres unfair.

I am also not buying the "oh, but I didn't bang her" BS. He's withholding that information now because he's afraid you might dump him for it now. He is behaving stupidly; don't cheat if you are in an exclusive relationship, but if you do, the burden for that is on YOU, not your partner. And WTF bring it up 4 years later? That's the kind of thing that women write down in their ledgers and never let go of. Dumb move on so many levels.

Title	Boyfriend told me he cheated years ago, don’t know how to feel about it
Author	rebepe
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	November 11, 2022 9:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ysnh1p/boyfriend_told_me_he_cheated_years_ago_dont_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boyfriend-told-me-he-cheated-years-ago-dont-know.1138952 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138952

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