Update from last post: "Afraid to accept Im straight"

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-03T03:26:06+00:00

Some advice to take with you.

Women are people.. people can either be good or bad or neutral. We are people contrary to what the red pill says. I'm sorry about your stepmother no one deserves to go thru abuse. And treating you poorly isn't going to solve her issues with men. You are someone's son, you are someone and deserve to be treated as such with basic human dignity because you are someone.

I can get the allure of the red pill because you want some kind of explanation is to why someone would behave like that towards you. TRP simplifies things and makes things black and white terms and points out the most negative aspects of women and says hey here's what you are dealing with. And it validated your pain. I see a lot of men who go into it are men who had self esteem issues and men who have been really hurt by women. It won't push you closer to anyone it will keep you at arms length because it plays upon and validates those struggles you have.

My best advice work through the prior emotional abuse and a divorce there's a hurt little boy inside of you struggling and scared. You are not a bad person for falling for the snake oil that is red pill, the good in you realized it was damaging to you overall and that tells me you want to grow and learn and be better. Harboring resentment about women will not get you closer unlearning the expectations the red pill has placed on you will bring you to a better place. I hope that helps.

princessbubbbles · 2022-12-03T07:15:19+00:00

What a journey. I don't have good words of advice for you. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you for coming to terms with all this. It's going to be a while of contemplation and living to feel confident in who you are and what you're doing. But you'll get there.

EmbarrassedEmu27 · 2022-12-03T10:59:46+00:00

I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been for you.

When bad things happen some of us have this urge to blame someone or ourself. The reality is bad things happen and that’s just it . We don’t have to look for anyone to blame at all.

You had difficult teen years and you matured . Most of what you went through was beyond your control and looks like anger triggered by TRP gave you control though it didn benefit you.

You are more all these bad experiences. Don’t let this define you anymore. Go live an awesome life.

ModestMinerva · 2022-12-03T12:52:04+00:00

Figuring out your sexuality is so difficult, especially when most belief systems and general society still try to force straight monogamy. My journey was similarly traumatic as yours and just know that therapy really can help these things and help you figure out who you really are inside despite societal pressures. Hopefully with enough validation and patience, you can take off that mask, and learn and grow as your whole true self.

vcreativ · 2022-12-03T12:52:37+00:00

Congrats on your coming out as a straght person. ;) Hopefully that's not a joke too soon.

In any case, go you. In a moment of pain you understood that things may not be as they present themselves on the top-layer, you asked yourself why and henceforth entered the realm of reflection, one of the key behaviours of a group of cognitive patterns known as meta-cognition.

From a how does the mind work the notion of a thought about the thought is crazy exciting and distinctly non-trivial. What an achievement. To me this is the most exciting part about being human, to think about thoughts.

Also what you were feeling doesn't appear all that weird to me. Growing up we tend to blame ourselves for bad behaviours of our parents and seek for ways to correct them. Here there's an additional snag that your mum was removed from your family by "women", meaning the pain is two-fold. Turns out you couldn't trust your mum to stay, and you also can't trust women now, because they turned your mum away.

That's a ton of pain to process for an adolescent. Nobody expects you to see nuance there in the moment.

You argue that you projected your mum's homosexuality on yourself so that she didn't have to leave. Clearly you know better than me, still I feel somewhat compelled to allow for an Occam's razor type hypothesis which I consider somewhat simpler (though heavily dependent on your emotional realities which I do not know).

Specifically, by you being gay you completely remove the need for women in your life. Which to me makes a ton of sense because one could argue that the woman the closest to you betrayed you, the "replacement" turned out to be dysfunctional, and from a simplistic(!) perspective one may consider womenkind to blame for your mum leaving in the first place. Add to that that anti-positions are common when confronted with the sins of one's parents.

An aside...

Hopefully, others on this sub understand your example not only as one of instance, but rather as one of principle in that "ways out" exist, but it's critical to transcend the issue you think you're having by thinking about it. And it's difficult to think about thoughts that one actively avoids.

What I'm trying to say is, people should stop thinking about pain as pain, and rather view it as a healthy signal that something is wrong and therefore start looking into it deeper.

Usually, on here, that's one of "women/not getting laid enough/being (possibly perceptively) mistreated by people (women in particular)". Accepting this as a symptom one may start thinking about underlying issues and squarely ought to land in attachment-style land.

Here one may learn that there are (roughly speaking, it depends on whose model you follow) there exist four of them, though they may overlap. Upon investigation which of these resonate one could investigate possible causes and attempt to bring them together with childhood experiences.

Add to that that many instances of attention deficit disorder and neurodivergences may simple be misdiagnosed neurotic patterns due to early childhood experiences and trauma an entire world of healing possibilities open up.

And for each of these developmen of meta-cognitive behaviours is a key predictor for recovery. Recovery here meaning a state of "earned secure attachment".

I should add, whereas people with "secure attachment" seem like the winners of this all, they do have their weaknesses. Emotionally speaking, they can be pretty vanilla, development of depth is a difficult process and it doesn't really occur unless absolutely necessary. A key perspective change ought to be to view difficulty as a chance.

On the other hand, a purely secure person may also tend to be somewhat naive when it comes to trusting other people. With dissimives or even more so disorganiseds being worlds ahead when it comes to noticing potential threats.

TheLavaLeffel · 2022-12-05T13:27:20+00:00

Yeah, the redpill loves to dehumanize women and make them out to be mindless automatons who are slaves to emotion, hypergamy, and solipsism (especially when the cult-leader erroneously defines the last two).

Keep going with your detox. You're on the right path.

Title	Update from last post: "Afraid to accept Im straight"
Author	This-Wasabi-3152
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	December 3, 2022 3:08 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/zb62j5/update_from_last_post_afraid_to_accept_im_straight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/update-from-last-post-afraid-to-accept-im-straight.1143133 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143133

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An aside...