Tips on making (female) friends

alady-in-the-streets · 2022-12-16T00:37:58+00:00

My advice for meeting people would be to join a group that has a shared interest, like a hiking group or a book club, just something casual that will attract healthy, intelligent people. That way you have a default topic to talk about and something to do together. And make sure it has nothing to do with college, because college kids are really not the best people to socialize with if you’re not into the party scene. i’d try being friends with older people. i’ve pretty much exclusively been friends with women 5+ years older than me since i got out of high school. I even hung out with a woman older than my mom for a while 😂 age difference really stops being weird in the adult world so take advantage of that. most older women are more than happy to take a young woman under their wing.

My advice for conversation is to just ask questions about them. Where are you from, what’s it like there, do you miss it, etc. Find something you have in common and talk about that. And if you really have nothing to say, ask a completely random question like “if you didn’t have to work, what would you do?” people are usually more than happy to talk about themselves

spruceofalltrades · 2022-12-16T04:43:10+00:00

People especially at that age aren’t interested in others. They are mainly interested in themselves. If you go places where others AND you both have a common interest, that friendship will go on a while. I’ve been ostracized in this way too. Taking strides to meet people and nobody welcomes you. Here’s what you’re gonna do: spend your birthday with people who would be happy to see you…. people who need love. The nicest, warmest, most dear people in the world are people you find donating their time around town. It doesn’t matter how big your city is, but for your birthday get off campus and get into your city. It’ll be a nice break from the shallowness you’re experiencing on campus to go learn about the community you’re in, treat yourself to get ubered around the city, get a spa treatment, and stop at some places you can volunteer, where you may meet people who have once felt the same way you do. The soup kitchen..big hit in the winter, you’ll meet lots of people, and definitely check with a senior center or nursing home. The elderly loooove doing crafts, games, and holiday stuff with us young folk. You’ll find good friends if you do something like this consistently, and trust me when I say it doesn’t matter the age gap between you and your friends. I’m 26, most of my friends are older than me, and I’m the most interesting person in the room. They love hearing about what it’s like to be in your 20s again, and equally love answering your hard life questions. Having friends in different age ranges is extremely underrated and if you give it a try you will not miss your current “friend group” that’s treating you so poorly at all.

LeicaRedEye · 2022-12-16T15:20:11+00:00

Join female groups of your special interest, preferably in your area. Get together with them for meet ups, and be kind and generous to eachother. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world but I enjoy meeting new people, and communication is my strong point, I have friends from running group, foreign language group, luxury goods group, poetry group, skincare group etc. We have been spending a lot of quality time, and some of them are super close to me, they were there for me when my dad was dying, and even if we can't meet up often we keep in touch. Avoid the bitter ones, because they will drag you down in a maelstrom of misery.

It doesn't have to be Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn ride or die bond, just casual, positive, decent friendship.

CountTheBees · 2022-12-17T02:00:24+00:00

I think you need to be more selective about your friends, only spend lots of time with someone you 'click' with. Putting too much pressure to spend time with people who you don't have good chemistry with would exhaust anyone (I'm getting secondhand tired just from reading it!). And especially with the situations you described, it sounds like those people were 'meh' and didn't click with you at all, you just wanted anyone around. It takes compatibility and vetting to find good friends, same as dating. Not just anyone can do. It sounds like you believe that the better you know someone, the more you can ' click' with them. This is only true for friendships where you are forced to spend time together (eg in the same classes or at a workplace) and NOT true for voluntary associations (outside of school or work where either of you could leave or not turn up). For voluntary associations, you two have to have similar communication styles, values, humour, and interests. The amount of time you two can spend together is directly proportional to how well these match. You can also modify your natural communication style or humour to match someone else but if it's too different this will get tiring. I think this is why you're not having much luck - you're going for people that are too different who are getting tired from trying to accommodate you. Search for people more similar to yourself and drop people that tire you out, too.

Margareydragonslayer · 2022-12-18T06:49:10+00:00

Hold on girlfriend I don’t want to invalidate your struggles but I think you are worrying a little too early. Of all of my highschool girl friends they ALL say they felt absolutely crippled with loneliness for the first year of college. About a third felt lonely all four years and most felt lonely some semesters and happy others.

Secondly, consider the role that your own insecurity can play into this. I 100% know what you mean when you talk about the “weird look” but sometimes it is genuinely a miscommunication - like maybe a friend was confused and you read it as “she thinks I’m weird”. Also, our generation is super lazy and will flake often. It’s possible that you just got unlucky and every time you asked someone to hang the pull of laying-in-bed-scrolling-TikTok was too strong. Also two weeks is wayyyyy too short of a time to make a friend (unless you are a middle schooler at summer camp 😢 i miss those days).

That being said, let’s suppose that you genuinely are having difficulty making friends. I have a critique and some tips that have sort of worked for me.

I noticed you said you don’t “bad mouth” anyone. That’s a great habit to have! But I get the sense that you might resent people who do “bad mouth” others. There are good and bad things about gossiping. I’ve honestly come to believe that gossip is more than just a vice - it can serve an important social function. Regardless of whether or not gossiping is good or bad, people HATE feeling like they are being judged. I would try cleansing your self of any resent you may have for gossipers.. people may feel your judgement more than you realize and pull back.

Okay here are some of my tips for making friends:

Learn how to receive from friends. There’s a lot of talk about gracefully receiving niceties from male romantic partners (like saying thank you when he opens a door) but it’s soooo important to express appreciation when a friend does something nice for you too. If you guys work on homework together, later on say “omg you are a l i f e s a v e r I appreciate you so much for helping me” even if you were helping each other equally.
Also, remember to “give” to friends. Pay for their coffee if they forget their card, give them your class notes if they were sick. Sometimes my instinct is to “over give” just because I’m a lil desperate for friends lol but I’ve noticed this can sometimes make my potential friend feel uncomfortable like now they “owe” me something in return. Try and keep things roughly even.
Even if you’re super lonely, don’t try to force a friendship with someone you don’t admire/ don’t “click” with. It will just make the friendship feel draining (if the other woman even enjoys it enough to continue), make you lose your confidence in your ability to make friends, and you will lose the chance to practice genuine friendship skills.
If you have a “friend crush” on someone, don’t be shy about it! Be brave and text them first, let their fashion choices influence yours, tell them how much fun you had after you guys hang out. The risk of being open about liking them is the possibility that they don’t like you back ie they respond to your texts slower, they never initiate hanging out. Get to a place mentally where you can accept that, as much as you want to be their friend, they don’t want to be yours. If you’re comfortable with sitting with the sadness of rejection, then you are able to safely express affection. And when two people realize that they BOTH want to be friends with each other and they are both comfortable with being open about that…. Magic happens <3
Just like how you would shower so you don’t smell before socializing, clean your attitude before hanging out! It’s easier to be friends with someone who is, in general, okay with the flow, responsive to the conversation, and not sullen. So before you hang out with friends… wipe as many of your worries/insecurities away as possible. After you’ve built up a bond with someone and some trust you can begin to say things like “I’m actually kind of sad that I got a bad grade on that exam” or “sometimes I worry about my parents getting older”. Expressing vulnerability and receiving comfort is so important to friendship but it has to come AFTER you have a repertoire of having fun together.

Having male and female friends in college was personally so confusing to me in college. I felt really safe and comfortable with most of my guy friends and we always seemed click really well. But with female friends it always felt like it took a bit more effort. Now that I’m older I’ve realized that my friendships with men often felt very natural because they were (consciously or not) physically attracted to me which made me feel accepted, so I was more bold in making jokes, so we had more fun together etc. Obviously the friendships never lasted. With women, I’ve really had to take a step back and realize that adult friendships are just hard and require conscious effort. It’s a tough and very sad lesson.

Cheers and I hope someday you get that friend filled birthday party your heart is yearning for <3

ygfam · 2022-12-17T12:01:08+00:00

thanks everyone, ill take everything you said into consideration :)

AutoModerator · 2024-07-12T08:25:52+00:00

Title: Tips on making (female) friends

Author ygfam

Full text: growth bike cooing poor cats rustic jar school rob books

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-12T08:25:53+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Embarrassed_Cup2524 · 2022-12-15T23:46:10+00:00

i have made friends with pretty, nice, similar in hobbies, similar in values type of girls

my first friend was when i was in eighth grade i would say. i would go to her house and we played some games together on the ps2. she is younger than me, which is ok. most of my friends have been younger than me. i think you normally want a friend who you can teach morals to or who can inspire you to be a better woman

AutoModerator · 2022-12-15T23:43:15+00:00

Title: Tips on making (female) friends

Full text: Hi everyone, hope you're having a nice day/evening.

I started college and I thought it would be a new start (which it is) but I'm honestly struggling. My bday is coming up in a few days and I have no friends to celebrate it with. I see all other groups of friends hang out after classes but mine never does. I've tried asking them to hang out but mostly everyone declines, they would always rather go home than hang out. In my "friend" group at college there are both girls and guys, but recently I feel like the girls are kind of resenting me, they sometimes look at me weird, I don't know how to describe it. When I talk they just stare at me blankly like they're just waiting for me to stop talking. And I'm nice and don't bad-mouth anyone (there have been many opportunities to do so but before college started I took a mental note to not do anything bad or something that could ruin my reputation) so I have literally zero idea what made them this way. This has been like this for two weeks now.

I've tried making friends with other girls but I get so shy that I tend to get ignored because I don't talk too much. I don't think I have social anxiety, just that I'm shy. Not terribly shy that I can't get a word out of my mouth but it's obvious sometimes I have no idea what to say when I'm getting to know a person and need them to lead the conversation, versus if I know them for some time. I feel like I always get ignored by girls though. It's happened to me multiple times that I start being friends with a girl but in a few days she finds another friends and I start feeling like her puppy she takes along and thus I leave...

I have tried bumble bff (and the population there is very slim since bumble just got introduced in my country) and I thought I finally met a nice girl, we hung out a few times but same story. Like she lost interest. So no luck there but I'm trying still, not giving up lol.

Do you guys have any tips on how to make feminine friends?
I have no problem having men attracted to me but that's not what I'm looking for, at this point I'm so tired, I just want friends.... I hope this doesn't feel too much like a rant, sorry and thanks in advance :)

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Tips on making (female) friends
Author	ygfam
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	December 15, 2022 11:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zn08hd/tips_on_making_female_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/tips-on-making-female-friends.1143725 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143725

Comments