The difference between bemothering and caring for your man

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-01-21T22:35:05+00:00

The unfortunate truth is there isn’t a huge difference, but I would say the biggest difference is that you doing it because you want to, not because you need to.

If your man needs you to make him every meal, wash his clothes, clean up after him, and take care of him, that’s mothering. If you want to, but he can do it himself and does when you don’t without complaining, that’s partnership.

sunglasses90 · 2023-01-21T21:07:51+00:00

As long as it’s things other people can’t really see. Cook him dinner, do his laundry, mother him when he’s sick is all fine. Calling his doctor or boss on his behalf DON’T. Basically, avoid anything that removes his autonomy. You’re his helpmate. You’re not his boss or parent.

cohost3 · 2023-01-22T04:06:36+00:00

I think the big difference is that a wife’s care doesn’t come with any bossing around?

I’ll gladly cook, clean and care for him but I’m not going to order him to eat his veggies or go to bed at a certain time.

If he’s sick I’ll really pamper him, but I would never force him to rest or take medicine (like a mother would). My husband constantly goes to work when he’s sick. I’d never reprimand him for doing so, I just make sure he has every comfort he needs when he comes home.

undothatbutton · 2023-01-21T19:43:11+00:00

Well when my husband is sick, I really don’t fuss about if it feels like I’m “mothering” him. He’s sick. When I’m sick, he “mothers” me. I don’t feel the need to take some big stance on this when he’s ill or injured. When I broke my leg or had our baby, he didn’t make a big fuss about how he isn’t going to “mother” me, and if he had, I would’ve felt very unloved and disrespected. He just took care of me as needed because that’s what you do when you love someone. So jot that down. Unless you for some reason feel you’re being legitimately taken advantage of, I can’t see why it would matter if you’re doing motherly things for your sick spouse?

In the rest of life, “mothering” someone would be doing the things you do for a child because they’re helpless or incapable (or seemingly helpless/incapable). My husband is very much not helpless or incapable, and he would never take advantage of me caring for him.

There are certain tasks that are mine to do, and other ones that are my husband’s. I’m not going to baby him, he’s a grown man, but I absolutely take care of him and do the things in our home that are my jobs to do, just like he will take care of me and do his jobs around the home. This might look like: I know he’s going to be working late so I make a pot of coffee for him. I notice his desk is getting messy so I gather up the trash to make it tidy for him. He notices the car is low on gas and knows I’m taking the baby to an appointment later, so he refills the gas for me. He knows the baby was up a lot last night, so he sneaks in to grab baby and let’s me sleep in.

The things I do for my son are not reciprocated. I cook his food, I cut his food, I clean his face, I wash his hair, I tie his shoes. He’s 1. Of course I do these things. He can’t. And my son obviously does not return this energy to me, because again, he is a baby. He simply can’t. I would not be cutting my husband’s food or tying his shoes unless there was some unusual circumstance. Like when I was 9 months pregnant, my husband certainly tied my shoes for me. Or when my husband sliced his thumb open, I absolutely cut his food since he couldn’t properly hold a knife and fork at the same time.

It goes both ways. My husband in no way feels like another child I’m caring for. The jobs I do around our home, I do for all of us, just like he does his jobs for all of us too. I might cook dinner for the family, including him, which could be “mothering” him, except that he might do the laundry, including mine, which would just as easily be “mothering” me, if we weren’t reciprocating these things.

Is your love and care not reciprocated? I don’t mean the actual tasks themselves but is the energy not returned to you with other but equal care?

Jenneapolis · 2023-01-23T00:38:44+00:00

To me I think about it a little bit like Laura Doyle talks about staying on your own paper. The things I do for my partner to help are usually things I would be doing for myself anyway if I was single - making myself meals, doing my laundry, cleaning my house, etc. So I’m now just doing that for two people, like hey you can be included and benefit from my effort. Mothering to me, crosses the line where you are overstepping your boundaries and crossing into items that are on his paper. He needs to be able to manage those and will face learned helplessness if you do everything for him.

red_Mercedez · 2023-01-21T20:30:53+00:00

I think some men love mothering, others find it repulsive. There is a strict line, like having a 'limit' i guess? Sometimes I feel like Im on the border of this. I think what is the most important is letting him make the decisions and be the man :) Your question is a little broad though, does you man not like the mothering when he is sick which is why he acts passive?

Also, (in terms of discussions, arguments etc), I think your 'tone' is important. For example, a mom will always use a dominating harsh tone (i think at least?!) ? I learnt that you have to use a soft tone, speak smarter. Be wise like a mother but in a feminine way, not a 'motherly' domineering way.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-21T18:55:42+00:00

Title: The difference between bemothering and caring for your man

Full text: Could someone clarify the difference? When I feel like I'm caring I quickly catch myself in motger territory and my man gets passive.. Want to learn to avoid this even in times when he's sick? How do you deal with it?

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Title	The difference between bemothering and caring for your man
Author	floravanderrohe
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	January 21, 2023 6:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10hyk61/the_difference_between_bemothering_and_caring_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-difference-between-bemothering-and-caring-for.1149458 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149458

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