Experiences with relationships that started online?

sunglasses90 · 2023-02-09T19:14:55+00:00

LDR’s can work sometimes for some people, but without the opportunity to vet each other thoroughly in person they can be huge wastes of time. You’re 27. It’s time to take dating seriously if your goal is to get married and have a family.

You can definitely talk to this guy and see where it goes, but I’d definitely be trying to date locally and if this guy doesn’t seem like a serious longterm options over the next few months then move on. You should have at least 2 real dates with new people per month until there’s a guy worth locking down with. Dating to marry is a part-time job. It’s a serious life goal and serious life goals take time and commitment.

No_Objective_1239 · 2023-02-09T20:01:25+00:00

I personally wouldn’t do a LDR.

There are a number of issues that make it difficult to vet. The first thing that comes to mind is that psychological thing where people value things that they put effort into. If someone spends hours traveling somewhere, I feel there is a psychological bias to make the time spent together worthwhile. Meaning, you aren’t seeing the real person. They kind of have a vacation mentality.

I personally feel that if someone is your soulmate (your ideal companion) you - or they - will be drawn to move to the same city. No LDR required.

I’ve also found that when God/life/the universe wants you somewhere else, nothing will stand in the way. Not even school. If you are he aren’t meant to wait 2 years, stuff will happen beyond your control.

Veryanne · 2023-02-09T19:33:34+00:00

About a year and a half ago, I met someone in niche interest group on discord, we got talking and really hit it off. We spent about 3 months talking online (about 6-8hrs average every day, I was making living with medical trials so I was in a good position to mold my schedule around his) we talked about anything and everything, and fell deeply in love. The last few weeks of that were extremely hard. Eventually, I was able to go meet him in his country, and I stayed for 3 months, we then spent 3 months in my country before moving to where we're living now, where he was offered a good job. We've been married for just over half a year :)

An LTR can work, but it's hard, and I don't recommend it for "just some fun". Obviously you guys need to get to know each other, but if you go through with this, I reccomend taking it seriously for yourself: evaluate regularly where you see this going; what obstacles need to be overcome and what possible solutions there are; where does he stand on a future and do your goals and values align, or can they be made to align; what are you willing to give up to be with him down the line. It helps that your lives are somewhat connected already, that sounds like it might make it easier to integrate into each other's lives down the line. However, personally, if I knew up front (before I'm already head over heals in love with this man) that we were gonna have to do long distance for TWO YEARS, I would walk away.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-02-09T19:59:23+00:00

All of my serious relationships were long distance, but I met the guy at least once before we started dating so it's a bit different.

I would say if he ever travels to your state for work, you could keep things pretty casual until the opportunity arises to meet and see how you feel from there.

It wouldn't be the end of the work to date each other - especially if you don't mind using budget airlines like Spirit and Frontier, where round trips often go for like $100. My husband and I used to visit each other every month, and I wouldn't recommend going more infrequent than that. There's only so much Skype/Discord calls can do. At least you'll have long breaks from school and could visit longer during those parts of the year?

He sounds great so far! Sorry things didn't work out with the last guy, I remember your posts about it

AutoModerator · 2023-02-09T18:22:15+00:00

Title: Experiences with relationships that started online?

Full text: I don't know if this a question particularly suited to RPW, but do any of you have experiences with people you first talked to at length online? For me, it feels lucky to meet someone you click with, but also a bit strange. I've only been talking to this man for 6 days at this point, so I'm not in very deep. But the questions are starting to arise in my head. Like, "What are we doing??" "Is it a waste of time?" "Are we just a distraction to one another?" "Am I making myself look desperate, like I can't find someone in my city?" I'm somewhat newly single, so I don't know if my judgment is clouded.

He's not totally random: we went to the same small college but never met; have mutual friends. He added me almost 10 years ago now on Facebook and we've had our eyes on each other on Instagram for long enough to notice that we have uncanny similarities (niche interests in common leading to similar senses of humor, obv shared education and even now share research interests, both doting pet parents, same level of athleticism, parents in the same field and similar upbringings... one of his favorite countries is even the one I'm a dual national in). He's super smart, interesting, and successful, and has a job in software that makes me think the distance could be closed if it panned out. I can see that he had an LTR with someone I recognize that ended a healthy amount of time ago, and they were each willing to travel for each other's opportunities. Right now, he's a 2 hour flight away, but apparently has clients in my state. I'll be done with graduate school in 2 years, and will need to move anyways, likely to the Northeast (where he is).

Looking for tips, advice, and any stories you may have!

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free_breakfast_ · 2023-02-11T19:29:30+00:00

This a post I saved from /u/youllknowwhenitstime on her field report for long distance to marriage.

I remember from your post that you've typically had good mindsets on approaching your relationships, so you may already be familiar with her advice - but having personal experiences and stories as well as community is always great to have.

Plus, this is one part of the wiki that needs expansion on for long distance relationship game theory that I'm hoping can receive more field reports and write ups on.

Title	Experiences with relationships that started online?
Author	neuro_mancy
Upvotes	2
Comments	19
Date	February 9, 2023 6:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10y1xd4/experiences_with_relationships_that_started_online/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/experiences-with-relationships-that-started-online.1151325 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151325

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