Not long ago I got out of severe depression. However, one cannot really repair 22 years of psychological damage quickly. I've been thinking for about 3 months now about how to actually get somewhere, but I don't really remember much from school, and have no idea what kind of college I should go to, as I'm really kind of an empty canvas right now. Since I don't really know what steps to take, I figured I could just think up my strategy, since being analytical is the only thing I can comfortably use (because I have repressed emotions due to my childhood, which makes me incredibly vulnerable to manipulation through it, as I haven't made that part of me mature up yet).

However, I eventually realized I started thinking too abstractly for it to be of much use. You could say "I could look at things 20km away, yet not at my own feet." Thinking about philosophical things did make me realize my shortcomings, but it didn't give me any actual ideas that I could grab, which resulted in me being stuck in analysis-paralysis.

It also doesn't help that I'm struck with fear anytime I try to do anything that has any significant risk of crippling me long term, yet am too ashamed to talk to people IRL about any help, since I am too much of a failure to even have a job. The lack of intimacy and even close friendships then makes me more likely to act slightly more in a way that has a significant risk of crippling me long term. And in the never ending cycle I stay...

I also don't have endless time, so I really need to start taking some steps already. I don't really have much time to think about what to do at all. Which is why I ask what advice would you give me?

Sorry if this isn't exactly the sub for it. I really don't need only feel good words or have everyone give me the same generic response both of which I would most likely get on any kind of mental health sub.