Parents going through a divorce, how do I keep things fair?

PriscillaPresley · 2013-08-28T04:26:20+00:00

Just make sure to call your dad often as you can, and let him know you're looking forward to seeing him. A lot of guys I know go through divorce thinking they'll lose their kids completely.

because_misogyny · 2013-08-28T04:21:50+00:00

You can't. Bless you for loving your parents and wanting what's best for both.

rapiertwit · 2013-08-28T10:38:25+00:00

It's your parents' job to work this out. The only thing you can do is to tell them BOTH that you will lose respect for them if they can't do this gracefully and cooperatively. In your mother's case, maybe acknowledge that she has a potential advantage due to her sex, and if you see her exploit that advantage for all it's worth, she basically loses the right to talk about equality to you ever again. The only leverage you have, as a child/dependent, is the relationship you have with your parents. Telling them what actions will cause you to lose respect for them, or be less interested in what they have to say, is the only carrot you can dangle.

mikesteane · 2013-08-28T07:01:19+00:00

You can mention to your mother that cultivating fairness and reasonableness brings happiness far more surely than getting rich.

Bookworm12k · 2013-08-28T07:02:31+00:00

My parents divorced years ago when I was 6, but I made the mistake of getting involved a couple of years ago with their disagreements on child support. It can be incredibly stressful to try to moderate. Just do the best you can to maintain a good relationship with both of them. Don't take one side or another, and don't try to be an ambassador. It's not healthy from my experience.

avantvernacular · 2013-08-28T12:15:46+00:00

I would let both your parent know that while you cannot affect what they choose to do, how they handle this divorce and how they treat each other in the process will greatly shape what you think of them both as a mother/father and a person. That's all you really can do: make it clear to them that if they try to use corrupt attorneys or twisted divorce laws against one another, They will permanently lose the respect of their child.

rightsbot · 2013-08-28T04:14:17+00:00

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MakhSC · 2013-08-28T12:41:37+00:00

By the sounds of things you and/or your brother are older. Typically, once children get to be 15-17, they start to get their own say about who they stay with and when.

Clauderoughly · 2013-08-28T13:35:55+00:00

You can't.

You're Dad is getting Divorced in California. You're mum is going to bleed him dry because she can.

Cali law is stupid biased in favor of women.

crankypants15 · 2013-08-28T16:50:01+00:00

how can I keep neither my mother nor my father from getting completely screwed over in this divorce?

You can't. That's up to how the judge interprets the law. The wife can get more than 50% of the assets based on various factors, like if the husband was cheating.

Will California law completely honor my mother's demands?

Possibly. The judges often favor the parent who has the kids for the most time each week.

Does my dad get any say at all in this? I will gladly stand up if I feel something is unfair.

Yes you and he can speak up in court. That doesn't mean your voices will carry any weight. Because fathers are expendable.

If your two parents agree on splitting the assets a certain way, they can do that. The judge just gets involved if they can't agree. While your mom might get the actual house, your dad should get half the equity in the house as cash. In a divorce, first all assets and liabilities are split 50/50. Then allowance for child support and alimony are made. This is usually the point where the father uses his life savings (house equity) because both child support and alimony are unreasonably high.

I support child support but not astronomical amounts.

As far as the rest goes, after the divorce, don't take sides. Don't testify against your mom or dad. Don't say bad things about them.

Do you really want to spend the time above with your parents like that? You have a right to decide even if you're a minor. (That's how it is in Michigan.) In Michigan, at age 10-12, the courts will take your opinion on visitation more seriously.

And thank you for trying to stand up for a fair divorce.

Title	Parents going through a divorce, how do I keep things fair?
Author	Vinyls_Scratch
Upvotes	7
Comments	11
Date	August 28, 2013 4:13 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1l8m2z/parents_going_through_a_divorce_how_do_i_keep/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/parents-going-through-a-divorce-how-do-i-keep.1165297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1165297

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