How to talk about sex: a very simplified version.

KombuchaEnema · 2021-03-25T19:43:46+00:00

Weird question, feels invasive (and you’ve probably already thought about it): do you masturbate? It’s about to get TMI in this comment.

I masturbated a lot as a teenager and from that route learned what feels good/makes me orgasm quickly. For me I need both penetration and clitoral stimulation for an orgasm, so if we’re having sex I’m also stimulating myself and it’s wonderful. Some men seem to feel inadequate when women do this but fortunately my fiancé finds it to be a turn-on when I touch myself during sex.

You’re absolutely right when you say it’s harder for women. Our anatomy isn’t so...obvious. I mean, I didn’t even know where my actual vagina was until I tried to use a tampon for the first time at the age of 13. That was an eye-opening experience. I knew it was there, of course. I knew what a vagina was. I knew I had one. But I had never touched myself or inserted my fingers inside of myself. And for some reason I thought inserting a tampon should feel good, shouldn’t it? So why didn’t it feel good? It took me a solid year after that to actually give myself an orgasm after doing internet research about the clitoris and the G-spot. We could come with an instruction manual, honestly.

And touching ourselves is something we should be doing. In the same way that you can feel for breast lumps, you can also feel for abnormalities in your vaginal wall that would signify any number of health problems. Yet, a lot of girls grow up never even touching themselves. There are grown women out there who don’t know what the inside of their own vagina feels like. I’m not saying you’re one of them, just that this is actually a big problem in general. We have pelvic exams once a year. So if you developed a abnormality two months after a pelvic exam, it would be ten more months before anyone noticed it.

I think the first step is to become an expert on what makes you feel good. You might have already done this, and I’m sorry if you have. If so the next step is to educate your husband (maybe even demonstrate for him) and then figure out how to incorporate it into sex. But I also know that’s easier said than done.

Do you have issues with orgasming even while masturbating? Or is it specifically with sex?

1987dd1987 · 2021-03-25T16:30:13+00:00

I would suggest reading come as you are, mating in captivity by ester perel, and/or the foreplay radio sex therapy podcast with Laurie Watson and George faller.

Maybe even enhancing couple sexuality by Barry McCarthy.

Most women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone. If you can broaden your idea of sex to include multiple stimulation or different activities (oral, hands) that “count” as sex it may be easier. The McCarthy book talks about coming together to enjoy touch as opposed to coming together for the goal of orgasm. Perhaps use the “come as you are” book to help you identify some of the brakes that may be stopping you from fully embracing sex.

Jenna_Rink30 · 2021-03-25T15:53:23+00:00

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JacksonPolish · 2021-03-25T20:38:09+00:00

There have been some really great suggestions here so far. Two others are pompoir and ashwagandha.

Pompoir is a series of pelvic exercises that give you more control of the muscles. It's fun for your partner AND it makes you more sensitive and increases your blood flow. I found some great resources on Reddit about it.

Ashwagandha is an herbal supplement. I've noticed my libido has gone way up since being on it.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-03-25T16:20:34+00:00

Does he worry if you are getting anything out of your activities?

Jenna_Rink30 · 2021-03-26T04:55:52+00:00

I can only comment on the orgasm part- are you on hormonal BC by any chance? I found that I really had a hard time getting to the big finish when I was on hormonal BC no matter how good the sex was or how into it I was. It wasn’t till I switched to paraguard IUD that I realized it wasn’t me at all. All those hormones were interfering with my sex life. Maybe that’s what’s going on with you?

LexiFromWestchester · 2021-03-27T10:20:22+00:00

One trick you can use until you have it all figured out is just be a really good actress and fake a really good orgasm as he climaxes. You will be blindsided by his renewed confidence and ego boost after the fact. In this respect I see it as a gift you're giving your boyfriend. No more feelings of inadequacy on his end...he will feel like a complete man again, which will only benefit the relationship further.

Title	How to talk about sex: a very simplified version.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	March 25, 2021 1:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mcybld/how_to_talk_about_sex_a_very_simplified_version/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-talk-about-sex-a-very-simplified-version.1187805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187805

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