Just got the I want a divorce talk

danrule88 · 2019-10-18T21:59:46+00:00

The first thing you need to do is breathe.. just breathe. It’s all going to be ok. But it will be hell for quite a long time first. One day at a time.

If she really is honorable and you expect her to be, don’t go on blast and hire an attorney today.

This weekend, Sit down and figure out your assets and debts. What bills do you have? And what do you owe. Next week, Get on your state’s superior court webpage and read everything you can about the divorce process.

Don’t move out of the house. Continue to be a good father, pay the bills, go to work. When you’re not so emotional, in a day or two, ask for a sit-down and Set some boundaries with your wife. What does this week look like? Are we in separate rooms? Are we splitting bills? if things get uncomfortable, request some time space to think and process.

Keep things business like and the communication open. Cry a lot. Sleep, work, love your kids. Cry a lot. Get a therapist.

Don’t talk to the kids until you two have a solid plan on financial split, and living arrangements in concrete. The kids will be upset. Having a plan on what their life is really going to look like in the months after the divorce day in and day out, will help them.

jabruno12776 · 2019-10-18T22:41:55+00:00

I had a similar situation. The above post is spot on. I put together a spreadsheet detailing what an “equitable distribution of assets and liabilities” would look like. Consider all cash’s and real assets and liabilities. Don’t forget retirement and life insurance. Try your best to be fair. Take some, give some. Come to agreements as best you can between you two. If you are both committed to this process go see a divorce mediator who will help with things you’ve not thought of and work through whatever disagreements remain.

It is horrible. I’ve been there and there will be alot of people who are going to say “you’ll be better off”. It’s cliche but they are right. Godspeed.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2019-10-18T23:28:07+00:00

Protect yourself. No matter what she says things can go sideways quickly. Also be there for your kids as much as possible.

2019-10-19T00:57:13+00:00

Something I wish I did during my divorce was be more patient. Be more calm. Try to talk to her and see where she is coming, see if there can be anything done. And if she gets mean or salty don't return it.

The kids need to see their parents be adults. This is the most important lesson you'll ever give your children RIGHT NOW-is how you handle this and treat each other. Their future is the most important thing. Mom and Dad need to be able to talk to each other even if it's hard. Especially in front of the children you need to be as united as possible.

BirdsNest87 · 2019-10-19T02:35:19+00:00

I'm a few months into something similar. Take some time, but if can live together keep doing so. Figure things out, it may be easier to do some conversations in writing, we found it help us deal with assets/debts without too much issue so far. Educate yourself on both of your rights and obligations and see take a business like approach to the situation. It's an emotional rollercoaster but it will work out in the end.

2019-10-19T01:33:37+00:00

Be calm. You may work this out or you may not. Be prepared either way. This is the time to prepare.

Protect yourself.

Learn the laws and at least consult a lawyer.

How you and your children end up is based upon how calmly and wisely you react right now. Be smart. You aren't asking for this, don't get taken.

Don't be emotional, be wise. Emotions will come later and then you will be OK. You'll be OK one day IF you don't let your emotions rule THIS day.

Remainstrong · 2019-10-19T02:15:49+00:00

First thing...DO NOT MOVE OUT, let her move out. This will be the worst mistake you will make financially. Live separately in the same house, continue to coparent. Keep it normal. If you move out to be noble or dutiful to do so judge's frown on that when it comes to the kids. Find a way to coexist. Remember this divorce is what SHE wants, not what you want. Stay calm, don't overreact, maybe this will pass, maybe it wont. As soon as the 'D' word comes out it's a 90% shot it's going to happen. Don't engage her in any argument, walk away. She may try to bait you then call the authorities in order to have you removed from the house, never to return and you'll end up paying for your household and the new apartment you will have to rent. My friend, the first salvo has been fired. Don't retreat into despair. Call a good attorney, stay away from 'men's only divorce law firms', and get good initial legal advice.

JohnnyMnemo · 2019-10-19T00:10:28+00:00

Get yourself a lawyer yesterday. She doesn't want it to be messy is womanspeak for "You give me everything I ask for, or I'm going to make a mess out of your life". 10:1 she knows your finances better than you do, including how much the house is worth, and where the online child support calculator is. Her friends have told her all about alimony, and how much she deserves, and how they know the perfect guy for her.

She's just "playing" dumb. I promise. Your state has the Cohabitation Alimony Reform Bill signed into law at least. If she starts shacking up with someone else, her alimony will be cut, possibly taken away. She probably doesn't know that part.

mloera0003 · 2019-10-18T22:45:30+00:00

Never been married, but I use this sub to tell people it’s not bad being single at all. It must be hard losing your partner you thought would last forever, and there’s nothing wrong with any of the emotions you are feeling. Not the first or the last, keep your head up for the kids.

sweeperrh · 2019-10-19T14:52:29+00:00

Keep breathing! Give yourself a few days and start documenting (writing down) what you believe an equitable way to unwind everything. Also, start thinking about your kids custody, future expenses, house rules that both of you can agree to. DM me if you have any questions.

TheMeatWhistle45 · 2019-10-19T01:26:35+00:00

I’m 47 and going through a divorce also. Mine is completely civil and we haven’t fought over anything. The most important thing for you to know is that she has found someone else.

Women don’t leave men no matter how bad they are, until they have a new one. Accept it, factor into any custody deals, etc. she is fucking a new guy. It’s cool, life will go on. Just make sure any agreement you enter into with her factors in the fact that a strange dude is going to be around your kids.

And don’t do anything stupid.

Edit: I’m already getting downvoted by some cuck. Listen, I don’t give a fuck about karma on Reddit only in real life.

Let me reiterate: some new guy is beating her cervix. That’s why she left you. You may have been the worst husband in history, but she would not have left until she found a new cock to worship. That’s how women work. Guys can be single, women can’t.

letak2018 · 2019-10-19T03:06:04+00:00

Sorry to hear this buddy. Get a lawyer. Sorry to have to tell you that, but get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Get a lawyer. Did you hear me? Get a lawyer. Be pleasant, polite, amicable, and get a lawyer. I know amicable divorces do happen, rarely. But much more often they start that way until you feel the stiletto between your ribs. So... well you already know what I was gonna say.

2019-10-20T23:25:05+00:00

We were able to sit down today and talk about things since life was pretty busy this week. She agreed to give it 6 more months to see if I can be the man she married. I’ll admit it I have been selfish in our marriage and drink to much. So I’m putting down the Booz going to see a therapist weekly and give it my best. It feels really good to acknowledge that I had a big part in this situation. I will keep you all posted on my progress. I just hope I can make her love me as a partner again.

Title	Just got the I want a divorce talk
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	33
Date	October 18, 2019 8:58 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/djtrid/just_got_the_i_want_a_divorce_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-got-the-i-want-a-divorce-talk.1203371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1203371

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