3 years ago today, I searched google with “divorce help for men” and it landed me here, so I signed up.

Every July 20th, I see that it’s the anniversary of when I started on Reddit and I’m reminded each year of how it’s gotten better for me after the divorce.

When I first started the process 3 years ago, I was extremely concerned about what I was losing. I’m losing my family (2 pre-teen boys), my house, my friends, and my partner.

I had all these negative visions, and no positives. I couldn’t see how my life would be anywhere nearly as fulfilling.

Good lord, I was completely wrong.

I focused on all the things I was losing. I never once (in the beginning) realized what I was gaining.

What did I gain? I don’t have anyone arguing with me, no long drawn out sighs, no eye rolling, no guilt trips. There’s no complaining that it’s too cold, too hot, or there aren’t groceries. Dinner can be made or I can order in.

I can watch the shows on tv I want, and ESPN is on the TV a lot.

Honestly, it’s pretty damn good, and it’s peaceful as hell.

I’m lucky and I see my boys a lot. We live close and I can see them when I want and I am still the same Dad they have always known, and if I have that, I’m good.

So here I am, 3 years after a divorce, sad a little bit about what I lost, but also happy about what I gained.

It’s not ALL negative. There are a lot of positives. Find your positives of being divorced. They are out there. You’ll find them if you look.

For all of you in the middle of divorces, hang in there. I’ll see you on the other side. Come join us, it’s nice and quiet and the drinks are cold.

It gets better every day. After a while, you’ll get here.