Did I handle this right?

SirKolbath · 2018-01-17T10:16:42+00:00

No, I think you handled it fine. The real measure of whether you handled it "right" is her response tomorrow.

ChaddyMcChad · 2018-01-17T11:22:23+00:00

Perfect. - Showed her you can leave - Stayed as emotional as rock besides her crying - Left anyway reducing the probability she will treat you like shit again.

My man.

redhawkes · 2018-01-17T10:43:15+00:00

As u/SirKolbath said, you handled it fine. Next time this happens, don't DEER, just hold frame and do what you're going to do. Don't reward bad behavior.

Further reading.

BoochBrewer · 2018-01-17T12:05:12+00:00

It's good that you stick to your initial plan and left after the waterworks. You would be setting yourself up for more resistance in the future if you let on that you could be manipulated by those tears. Good work.

Whisper · 2018-01-17T15:09:02+00:00

Yes.

Herdsengineers · 2018-01-17T16:12:08+00:00

I think you handled it fine. I don't have an issue verbalizing that she needs to handle her own shit herself, without projecting her drama onto you. It's fine to be supportive, to listen, and be shoulder for your LTR to cry and lean on, it's not okay to have to take shit from her because she had a bad day. As grown ups, we all need to learn to manage our emotions so we don't shit on those around us that don't deserve it.

Fact is - if she hasn't learned to manage herself yet, she won't learn to do it if you are present. She's got to be alone, so there's nobody else around for her to shit on.

Verbalizing your expectation that she be and/or grow into an adult, I think, is actually appropriate, as long as it's delivered in a matter-of-fact, non-angry, non-emotional manner. It should come across as stoically as possible. If she feels bad about herself later, then good. She should. That's where the motivation for her to grow and do better in the future will come from.

If she just turns into a brat and stays angry at you for leaving, she's just showing you that she's not ready to be a grown up and you might want to consider withdrawing more, if it continues to escalate, consider the thought she's showing you that she's not a proper candidate to continue in a LTR with.

life_is_dumb · 2018-01-17T16:56:59+00:00

If she had apologized for being bitchy and changed her behavior towards you I think you could have given her a pass. Otherwise you did the right thing by not accepting that kind of behavior.

max_peenor · 2018-01-17T18:18:42+00:00

she's really stressed from work

I'm so tired of this shit... If you want to live as a man, act like a fucking man (applies to many . I brook no "stress" bullshit from any female (or male) in the corporate world. If you want fucking handle it, do us and yourself a favor and do something else. Living like this is no way to live--it'll break you down, make you miserable, and end your years prematurely.

Her misery is by her hand. This is not your problem. A+

RAiderNat88 · 2018-01-17T18:58:06+00:00

Well handled, and don't be so available to her in the upcoming days. She needs to know that her actions have consequences.

fnordsnord · 2018-01-17T19:31:14+00:00

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BoochBrewer · 2018-01-17T12:05:20+00:00

It's good that you stick to your initial plan and left after the waterworks. You would be setting yourself up for more resistance in the future if you let on that you could be manipulated by those tears. Good work.

chachaChad · 2018-01-17T14:24:31+00:00

Just how much are you sleeping over her place? I know that once I would get in an LTR, I would sleep over her place all the fucking time until I was totally lost in her frame. My advice is have a hard look at home much time you sleep over and why you're not at your own place more.

Title	Did I handle this right?
Author	Store_Front_Door
Upvotes	19
Comments	18
Date	January 17, 2018 9:48 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7qzya0/did_i_handle_this_right/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/did-i-handle-this-right.122189 https://theredarchive.com/post/122189

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