Advantage to filing first?

Reflog1791 · 2023-06-16T19:54:23+00:00

There are several advantages. They are more important than what you “want to be able to say”. Your feelings about everything will change over time anyway.

DV claims give ex wives huge advantages in all subsequent proceedings and negotiations. VERY common for a mere accusation without proof to cost you thousands of dollars and months without seeing your children. Avoiding a restraining order is priority 1 for you.

If you file for divorce any subsequent DV accusation is much more likely to be viewed as retaliation and restraining order denied. They usually don’t even try this if you file.

The petitioner steers the proceedings more than the respondent. Delays are to be expected by the ex wife as the temporary support/status quo is usually a much better deal for them than the final order.

You start the process and set the tenor of the process. Maybe you ask for the farm on the initial filing. Maybe you seek exclusive access to the house. Maybe you keep it bare bones basic. Any and all of these are better than you responding to whatever demands and accusations she throws out.

If you file for divorce you get the final hearing on the calendar. The important stuff all happens right before the final hearing. Filing starts the clock now.

If you file for divorce, YOU can withdraw the petition.

Getting served is a huge slap in the face, it shakes people out of their routines. You’ll get 18 months to decide if you want to backtrack.

Filing puts you in charge of your life. Step 1 to stop blaming ex wife for your station and challenges in life.

Gattsama · 2023-06-16T21:19:28+00:00

One additional reason to file first. It psychologically puts you in control of your life. Instead of being a passenger and are in the driver's seat. You accept that the marriage is not workable and you decide to terminate.

I my case, I had been simping hard during most of the marriage and working myself to death trying to provide & support. I was red pilled while married and had been slowly waking up for the last 2-3 years of the marriage. My choosing to file was a big deal for me because it was me choosing to exercise control over my life again.

I filed myself. Got the documents online, went to the courthouse, and got everything stamped. I was anxious, excited, and nervous. Ultimately, that was a really good moment, and jump-started me on my path to health and healing.

GoofBallz913 · 2023-06-16T19:46:05+00:00

I was in a similar situation and received the same advice. As I understood it, the person filing can make certain requests like staying in the house, time with kids, etc. Until contested, those orders will be in place. In my case, I was advised do so as sort of a defense against being forced to leave the house. I ultimately did not file first and thankfully dodged most of that mess, but it's very much a possibility. Regarding lawyers, I did MANY free consultations to find a lawyer, and in doing so took them off the table for her to consult due to conflict of interest standards.

Professional-Peak935 · 2023-06-16T20:58:43+00:00

I think they told my ex that too, and it bit her in the ass. The judge saw that I was trying to fight for my marriage and did not want the divorce. She understood that it was, truly, irrevocably broken due to her cheating, but that I was devastated by it, and she took pity on me.

Title	Advantage to filing first?
Author	wineraq
Upvotes	7
Comments	9
Date	June 16, 2023 7:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14b5sgm/advantage_to_filing_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advantage-to-filing-first.1222442 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222442

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