Q4BP: Do you think there’s a problem with dating aside from a few men being entitled and whiny?

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-22T01:49:41+00:00

I think male dating problems and male isolation/loneliness problems are way less related than people assume although, I see some connections.

In terms of dating, I do honestly just think it's a few bitchy men who generally have some pretty extreme scenarios going on. I don't think they need feminism. I think they'd need a pretty unique care plan to fix them to the point a woman would touch them with a ten foot pole. I think a few may be ugly beyond reason and lack anything else to compensate for this clear problem. And I think some are just genuinely and obviously bad people. I think none of them are willing to do what it takes and, I'm not sure they should as I think many may genuinely be too self centered and comfortable to really enjoy another person and another person's needs.

In terms of isolation, I think this is half a real problem with an unclear solution because it is so multi-faceted and layered. And half of it is again the same people above, just bitching about their general lack of people.

I think if I were going to say what I would want for men that I think would improve their lives:

They need friends
They need to feel allowed not to be the hero, main character energy, strong silent cowboy sometimes and instead you know, just breathe and be vulnerable.
They need to be less object focused and more person focused (I'm not saying a total reversal, I'm saying like nudge the dial by 10% and see if they like it).
Education needs to be revamped to serve everyone better, but especially men via focusing on trades and apprenticeships and businesses.
Therapy needs to better accommodate how men heal and overcome trauma, which is going to be difficult because most men don't is the answer.
Men need to stop seeing women as the solution to all the gender, identity, validation, trauma, and purpose issues. I don't say that in a feminist light, I say it as like a realistic thing, women cannot give this to you no matter how much you worship us. I think men hear women don't owe you anything (which is true), but the deeper and more hideous and hard to face truth is that we literally aren't the thing you think you want and can't give you all the things you think we would mean because we aren't the type of great thing you think.
Maybe God or something like it?
Remove video games and porn from little boys. If full on adult men want to do that stuff, bless, but I think it's really damaging little boys in ways that are difficult to prove, but seem incredibly obvious watching them.
Bring back fathers and make it clear what a good father is and celebrate that. No more alimony and dad gets to skip town. No more skipping town period. Hunt them down and make them be in their children's lives even if we have to beat them with a bar of soap to keep them sober and safe for a weekend. Mom can't skip town to leave dad behind either. Kids get 18 years of dad. If dad is too shitty to be near the kids, provide an alternative father figure asap. Look down on moms who take out their bad relationships with down talking dad. Unless he was legit abusive or something, she should keep her mouth shut. And even then, be very sensitive about what you say about dad to the kids.

CustomerSeparate949 · 2023-08-22T02:34:51+00:00

The problem with dating is the fact that so many men base their opinions of it off of dating apps. For instance, I think its well known that while women don't find men as immediately attractive as men find women, women also value attractiveness less.

Dating sites literally force you to choose based on attraction. The guy has no chance to showcase their personality.

And generally when this opinion is made men on this site pop out of the wood works to argue that women do value attractiveness.

When asked why they think this.....you guessed it, most of their data comes from dating sites.

And so we circle back again and again.

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not-a-dude-at-all · 2023-08-22T06:15:17+00:00

Not enough places and opportunities to meet new people.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-08-22T08:43:11+00:00

I think dating, like any other complex thing, is endless little problems to solve but no, there is not one massive problem that breaks it as an activity. It still works. The problem is we see it as more important and more for the sake of women than it is.

Dating is the male hack of female mate seeking strategy. That's the first thing that entitled whiny men refuse to see. That it's about male priorities and thus individual women have every right to not want to do too much effort towards it and will place some fairly stringent requirements on participating in it. Such as not paying for themselves on dates or only accepting certain types of dates.

Female mate seeking strategy is to look good to attract attention, be socially present among people you see as your target demographic for mates, draw people into ongoing social participation, observe carefully, put out indicators of interest if you have judged a man worthy, if he doesn't recognise and respond it isn't meant to be.

Male mate seeking strategy is "I see it I want it I get it. Quicker the better so she doesn't start assessing me too much." And dating is a key strategy to do that. It's about hurrying her up. Hurry up and talk to me I want to buy you a coffee. It's all targeted use of resources to create situations in which it is easier to tempt a woman along.

Women have their own mate seeking strategy and will keep using it, dates or no dates. They don't need to date strangers.

They get tempted to date strangers.

"Hey babe...let me show you a good time"sums up what dating is. That rankles with those men who genuinely hate women and don't want to provide women a good time. They use the polite fiction many people publicly subscribe to...that dating is perfectly symmetrical...to try to persuade people that aspects of dating that require male effort risk and resources are problematic.

You know what? Don't ask a fish how to catch it, sure fine whatever...if that's what you believe. Don't ask a fish to give you the bait for the hook though....if the fish has the bait they'll just eat the bait not hand it to you to put on a hook.

Dating isn't symmetrical. The man is far keener than the woman based on far less knowledge of her. The woman has her own solution. If she's going to spend more time or money her natural and sensible choice is to spend it on her solutions not his. Cultivate her social circle.

Men just have to accept that they are the motive force behind dating because it suits their needs. Just like women have to accept they are the motive force behind a great deal of what happens in social circles...that the majority of parties are planned by women, the majority of deliberate introductions are made by women, the majority of "let's catch up" is down to women. Be waiting for men to do that you'll usually be waiting a long time.

Title	Q4BP: Do you think there’s a problem with dating aside from a few men being entitled and whiny?
Author	Dark_Knight2000
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	August 21, 2023 6:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15xgi3b/q4bp_do_you_think_theres_a_problem_with_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4bp-do-you-think-theres-a-problem-with-dating.1229152 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229152

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