Lawyer up or self file in CA?

TheBoyBand · 2023-09-01T02:56:31+00:00

LAWYER UP… PERIOD… CA, TX, SC, WI, NV… if you can afford it…. DO IT…. TRUST ME!

Edit: After reading the rest of it.. “Take her to the cleanerss gurlll” in your case King 👑 It’s what she would be advised. Don’t settle for anything less than 50/50 split, be level headed, don’t waste time on hearings CA is community property.

No_Pace2396 · 2023-09-01T14:14:21+00:00

Everything everybody said. Get a lawyer. But I want you to think about a few things:

Are you prepared to go from SAHD to seeing your kid 1/2 time? What about every other weekend? Happened to me. I got locked out of the house and cannot do anything about it (not for DV or abuse either, there was no reason except she timed it well). Now my ex, making money, buying things, maybe whispering in my kids' ear about how evil I am, kids don't want to have anything to do with me. SAHD >>> that guy. I should've just gone to the store for a pack and never come back. If I knew I would miss out on the last years of my kids' lives with me as a parent, I'd have put up with my wife's bullshit for a few more years. No doubt, biggest regret. You may even get paper 50-50 custody. Good luck with that if your ex decides she doesn't want you to have it.
She very well may twist custody back on you. You may end up paying child support because the kid wants to stay with her and doesn't want to see you. Yeah, once you start this fight you will find out who she really is. A "friend" of ours helped my ex and gave her some very helpful advice that has proven true: "talk to your lawyer, she will make sure you get the house and the kid stays with you. You got this momma."
Prepare yourself. Emotionally and financially. Have a life other than SAHD and get it together now. Reconnect with friends, get into a gym routine, pick up a hobby. You are going to have a lot of time on your hands. I took up smoking.
Financial. Discretely check to see if you are primary account holder or authorized user. If you're the latter, you will get cancelled and lose access = no money. Apply for your own card and your first convo with your lawyer ask about this. The court was not kind with me about this--I was a deadbeat (despite working part time and doing everything for my kids, judge did not give one crap) and the judge had no problem telling me to spend savings to get by for 9 months, even after my ex withdrew our entire savings and cancelled our cards, while my daughter was in my care. In our financial disclosures I can see my ex's wealth growing and mine diminishing. Make sure you have some money set aside to survive off of.
She won't care about the money. Pain, your pain, is her currency. We spent 1/4 of our kids' college fund and are still getting started. I tried reaching out with her, saying I will be reasonable on alimony and w/e, let's work through this like adults. The motions keep coming. We have 3 hearings scheduled already, plus mediation. At this point, I have nothing to lose so yes, I am going to be spending the money and it is all a waste and I know that.
Adjust your expectations. You are a man, and she will paint herself as a hard working mom that built her career while raising a child and maintaining a house, struggling to survive in a man's world, while you piece of shit deadbeat sit at home playing with yourself instead of getting a job, and now she has to raise her child alone while being a career powerhouse because you left her as a single mom. You'll say "But I am a good dad!" and nobody will give a half shit. Maybe CA is better, but I would expect a very hard financial road ahead, all predicated on you not being a good parent who put his life on hold for your wife and kid, but being a slacker mooch who wants a free ride.
"You want..." Good luck with that. "I possibly hope to get, at some point..." might be a better attitude. Adjust your expectations down.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-09-01T19:11:45+00:00

So happy to see the shoe on the other foot. Hope this trend continues. Hire a lawyer because here's the best part brother, she will have to pay your legal fees lol.

"Take her for everything she has king! You deserve better!!!" lol

Fwooply · 2023-09-01T03:51:41+00:00

Yeah, lawyer up. You'll need it for alimony.

How old is your wife? She's eligible to retire at 65. That will end alimony.

The courts can impute a salary for you. It may be nothing. It may be minimum wage. It may be based on previous earnings. And this is where you'd need a lawyer. It's probably the biggest wild card in the divorce.

Generally, alimony is 40% her salary minus your expected salary. If they impute min wage for you and she makes $250k all included (base, bonus, RSUs) you'll be lucky to get $4-5k a month. Not really livable.

Everything else will be pretty predictable. Child support will be modest. Assets and debts are 50/50 including retirement plans.

Make sure you understand retirement. You'll get half of the 401ks and IRAs, any 403 or 457 plans from marriage date. You can either claim your earned Social Security contributions or some pretty big fraction of hers if it's higher. I'd imagine she's maxed out. You may be too if you worked to your mid 50s. So this may be a wash.

You need to talk to a retirement expert and see what you can expect as monthly income at 62, 65, and 68.

Edit: Here's the SSA rule. https://blog.ssa.gov/ex-spouse-benefits-and-how-they-affect-you/

ww3historian · 2023-09-01T14:45:24+00:00

Do mediation

Title	Lawyer up or self file in CA?
Author	Wales4ever_n_ever
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	September 1, 2023 2:35 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/166uy17/lawyer_up_or_self_file_in_ca/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lawyer-up-or-self-file-in-ca.1229951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229951

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