My (29m) wife (33F) have agreed on a divorce reside in CA, USA. Originally it was her idea. I did not want it and wanted to fight for our marriage. But I've had the realization I've been fighting for the last few years and this has happened more than once. (We got married young) This time it was initiated because she told me she is gay. I guess this took some relief off my chest because I realized it wasn't my fault and nothing I would do could change the situation. Upon her telling me this, I was miserable for over a month. Didn't see anyone stayed alone in a pretty bad mental state. We still live together and due to our financial situation we aren't really in a place to live separately at the moment but will be soon.

Eventually, I got to a point where I made the decision to take care of myself and came to terms that since it had been a while, where she clearly saw how hurt I was and did nothing about it, that it wasn't going to change and the marriage was ending.

So, here's where I need advice. I want to start the divorce process. I've discussed with my wife and everything, but she has asked me to wait and now says she wants to be still married. She told me she realized she made a big mistake and regrets everything she's done over the past few years. Really addressed just about every concern I've been having. She also started therapy. Which I think is great for her. But I don't belive her on a lot of what she had to say. There hasn't been any infidelity (that I'm aware of) but I just can't trust her due to several other things that happened. And I mean several without going into specifics. I'm done. Whole heartedly done. I've lost my love, my attraction, and most importantly my trust. And realized I was fighting for something that died along time ago.

I currently can't afford an attorney. I don't want to borrow money from family (another long story) and my question is can it realistically be done without a lawyer? Despite the aforementioned turmoil, I genuinely don't belive there is bad blood between us and it will be an amicable divorce. I'm doing a lot now to take care of my well being. Started going on solo hikes, reading more, and focusing more on my future steps in my career. I think that this is genuinely what's best for me, but it hurts so bad.