All my life since I moved out from my parents place at the age of 20, I have lived with roommates. I’ve lived with my ex-wife for about a year before we got married, total of 7 years living together.

Currently and temporarily I see my son on Sundays for 8 hours, and Wednesdays for 2 hours. My parenting plans of Thursdays evening - Monday morning (school drop off) bi-weekly won’t start until the divorce is finalized, which has been going on for 4 months, with what feels to no end in sight due to her lies of Domestic Violence which has been denied after many appeals. I know when the parenting plan start, it will help greatly with my loneliness. I love my son to death and the time we get currently absolutely is not enough.

My son just turned 3 years old. He’s at the golden age where he is curious, loving, vulnerable, and growing so ever quick. Every time I see him he is learning new words, and seems to be getting bigger. The way he runs to me after he’s taken out of his child seat and stood on his feet on the ground, to the moment he is dropped off to his mom and begging me to come back home, not letting go of my leg while crying breaks my heart every time. My absolutely darkest moments are when I get home after the drop off. It’s the most painful, most eerie quiet, loneliest moment. I leave his toys untouched and a mess because I like to see it the way he left it when I pass by them, until my pain of losing him gets better. Coming back home to an empty quiet house put me “in a funk” that doesn’t go away for couple days. My friends have been great to reach out and call me the exact moment of time they know I get home from drop off, but selfishly times when they can’t due to having to live their own lives it can be very difficult.

I’m lucky to have 5 core best friends who I can talk on the phone with, but I feel it’s getting to a point where it can be burdensome. When I get home from work I find myself paralyzed on the couch with the tv on and me on my phone. I can’t seem to get things I need to do that done that’s I can’t do on my phone. Such as cooking, putting furniture together, clean, laundry, dishes. I even have a treadmill with weights and can’t utilize them.

I’m 40 years old, most of my friends are about same age, single, and loving every bit of being single and mingling. They live in the big city where I live an hour away with no friends and much much smaller city.

I need advice how I can get out of this feeling of being paralyzed. Therapy is not an option due to financial reasons. A friend is offering to pay for a gaming system so we can play and talk online with other friends, but I don’t know if I want to fall into that rabbit hole for I know it’s only masking my loneliness temporarily. Any advice helps! Thanks for ready guys..