Just thought about the need people have to live life free of judgment. No one wants to be judged for their existence and the way they live life. Especially women.

Yet people have an inherent desire for justice. The idea of common human decency and following some set of norms and rules. And the failure to follow those norms feels unfair.

The advice we give here is to just live and let live. I think that's reality. We suffer needlessly when we hope some authority or judge will tell us we were right and she was wrong. That her leaving the relationship was wrong.

Nobody will come over and agree with you. The moment you seek justice the tables get turned on you. People demand you also be accountable for your actions. If you are the "victim" seeking justice, you will have to demonstrate you were perfect. And if you were perfect (you're not) you still lose because who wants to live as a relationship victim?

There is no justice when it comes to relationships. Might is right. Whatever you feel is ok goes. If it's not okay, you should be strong enough to stop it and fight for the behavior you want. And if you can't you retreat and leave that relationship.

I know I've suffered more than necessary by trying to find justice, to find justification for what she did and what I did. Probably one of the most arbitrary things is how we form and maintain relationships. It's a lot of work for something that is only as durable as the present moment.

Relationships might be bound by a document that is a marital agreement but that justice system isn't the same as the one we use without relationships. And when dealing with what's fair and what's not, those definitions are constantly changing and subject to interpretation.