My friend 28f says she sees me 28f as competition, what should I do?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-02-08T23:07:39+00:00

I'd call this a yellow flag, not red. She was being honest with you about her own insecurities. That's kinder than most women would be in this situation. I once had a friend who clearly saw me as less attractive and less fun, because everything between us changed when I met my husband. She would frequently comment that I had been her last single friend and started picking petty fights and being really passive-aggressive. It was apparent she just knew she'd find someone first. That friendship ran its course.

That's not what you're describing here. You have a friend who envies you, but who you feel is kind and a good friend. You might keep your eyes and ears open for evidence that you're not seeing or hearing some nastiness she claims to harbor, but I wouldn't end the relationship. If you find out she's ugly about you behind your back, sure, but I wouldn't drop a friend over a moment of self-loathing vulnerability.

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-02-08T23:11:57+00:00

Have you ever felt like you should be wary and worried about her? If you’ve never seen any red flag behaviour from her and you genuinely think she’s kind and a good friend, and haven’t seen any jealous or not girls girl behaviour from her, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just confiding in you negative thoughts about herself.

If her actions don’t match up with her words then I’d think she was being overly critical of herself. Sure, having negative and jealous thoughts is not great, but if her actions and character are kind and thoughtful, then that makes her a kind and thoughtful person because we are the sum of our actions, not our thoughts

NewUserLame123 · 2024-02-08T23:53:35+00:00

Take it as a compliment. Everyone is a threat. Most people just lie and act friendly to keep it low key. But EVERY sex is in competition with others of the same sex. It’s called intrasexual competition.

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-02-08T23:38:48+00:00

I am a girls girl too, and never compare myself to or feel competitive with other women. I’ve been blessed to have had 99% really wonderful, supportive friendships with women.

I had a very similar situation come up with a friend who suddenly started comparing herself to me and making weird competitive comments. She ended up trying to sleep with multiple men I dated (my then-boyfriend and two guys I went on a few dates with after him). It was like she needed the validation of knowing she could “get” the same guys as me. Needless to say she is no longer in my life.

Any_Welcome_5745 · 2024-02-09T03:53:05+00:00

"You might keep your eyes and ears open for evidence that you're not seeing or hearing some nastiness she claims to harbor, but I wouldn't end the relationship. If you find out she's ugly about you behind your back, sure, but I wouldn't drop a friend over a moment of self-loathing vulnerability."

------- To the commentor who said this, you are 100000000000% ON point! totally! I'd watch and monitor the situation.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-02-08T23:09:55+00:00

Personal experience: the one time I had a friend admit to being jealous of me, six months later she accused me and her boyfriend of cheating on her. I still have no idea how many people she spread this rumor too. AFAIK I conducted myself well enough no one believes her, but it was still humiliating.

This was someone I had considered a genuine friend for years, too. She stuck by me and supported me in so many ways when I was battling a severe physical illness. She was at the top of my list for "pay her back somehow" for when I got to a better place in life (which I achieved shortly after her betrayal).

Some people are kind not because they want to be kind, but because they are insecure and trying to prove something to themselves. "Insecure" and "telling you she's a bad person" are not mutually exclusive.

yoginiph · 2024-02-08T23:01:56+00:00

As I see it. She’s the one with the problem and not you so you don’t have to do anything at all.

RedPillDad · 2024-02-09T01:02:37+00:00

“I’m not a kind person, and I am not nice”

Interesting. Mr. Nice Guy is not respected by women. Some women make the assumption that a 'nice girl', also know as a Basic B, must be similarly disrespected by men. Her reaction might indicate she doesn't want to be seen as a nice girl.

Men like nice girls, it's women who will throw shade.

Cold_Adhesiveness_85 · 2024-02-09T00:34:33+00:00

Fight for dominance !!

AutoModerator · 2024-02-08T22:45:56+00:00

Title: My friend 28f says she sees me 28f as competition, what should I do?

Author enigmatic223

Full text: Hi so me and my friend have been friends for 8 years, we have spent many years together and know each other very well. The other day we were having a long chat and she basically said to me that she had been comparing herself to me her whole life, I would intimidate her based on the male attention I get and it would make her insecure when we go outside together. She said that I have the perfect body and I’m smart, a girls girl and I was just shocked because I never realised she felt this way. I also never thought she was comparing herself to me ( I know it sounds silly but we are completely different races and have very different beauty standards, I’m East African and she is south Asian).

Anyway here comes the dilemma, so I immediately told her hey I had no idea you felt this way, there is no need to compare yourself to me as you’re beautiful as it is and smart and have a great career. I said you’re kind and a nice person too, she interrupted me and said “I’m not a kind person, and I am not nice”. I don’t know why but that startled me a little, as I’ve always viewed her as a kind person and I’m not sure why she doesn’t see herself that way. She said she admires how much of a girls girl I am and how I don’t get jealous of other girls, this alluded to me that she isn’t a girls girl and is often jealous, am I overthinking? Is this a red flag? Should I be worried? Is she self loathing or is she telling me that she is a bad person 😭.

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countrylemon · 2024-02-11T14:49:46+00:00

She’s self loathing, it’s easy to say you’re mean and awful when you’re bitter about your best-friend being everything you want to be.

Just keep building her up as a good friend would do. You can’t prevent her from comparing herself to you. That being said, you sound like a good influence on her so it’s not persay a bad thing she just needs to get the self hatred in check. That’s not something you can do but you can bring it up to her as something she can chew on.

Title	My friend 28f says she sees me 28f as competition, what should I do?
Author	enigmatic223
Upvotes	26
Comments	27
Date	February 8, 2024 10:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1am8lv8/my_friend_28f_says_she_sees_me_28f_as_competition/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-friend-28f-says-she-sees-me-28f-as-competition.1244945 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244945

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