I made friends with girls and I love it.

CommentsEdited · 2024-02-10T07:06:43+00:00

One of my favorite posts I've seen on here.

Luckily they are all in healthy relationships and it makes it easier to not see them as someone on “the sexual marketplace.”

And it’s weird and I think at the stage I am at it would be very difficult for me to not want to pursue one in particular if she were single.

Now I’m asking myself is there anything wrong with that and I think there’s not anything wrong with that. But since she isn’t I can respect it and pursue friendship instead and simply appreciate that for what it is.

It's completely natural, and fine, for any, or all, of these things to be true at the same time:

You're attracted to her, and would date her.
She's not interested, but knows you are. (Or the other way around.)
You feel happy for her when she's with someone who makes her happy. (Or the other way around.)
You're close friends, no matter what. This can last for decades.

I'm actually going to hang out with a female friend tomorrow that I haven't seen in a couple years, but we've known each other since 2007, and are always in touch via text/phone. We've helped each other through some of the worst moments in each of our lives, and it's just absolutely 100% guaranteed that won't stop til one of us dies. And there's literally no subject we can't talk about. It's one of the reasons I find it so laughable how stupid the red pill perception of women is. She would get on a plane and travel across the world with five thousand dollars she had to raise from family to help me, if for some bizarre reason that's what needed to happen.

Women are just people. It's so fucking stupid that this is "debated."

And people can call me all the names they want, but I think making these friends is one of the best things to have ever happened to me. Plus who knows, maybe they can help pair me with someone else right for me.

There isn't even anything to "call you names" about. They're your friends. Love them and take care of them. Share in their joys and be a genuine pillar to support them.

There is tons of research that suggests that helping and supporting people unselfishly is actually one of the best ways to feel happier and more powerful in your own life. Humans are built for this. Stuff that's hard to love about yourself can actually be much harder to ignore when you see your effect on other people. When someone is grateful and happier because of choices and words you made purely for their benefit, you can't argue with that, or talk yourself out of it. It's who you are now. Someone people value. And feel deeply distressed when you don't feel it, or you're in trouble.

It is also entirely possible to learn how to be someone who is not just all of the above, but also a person who can:

Feel excited when you realize you're attracted to someone. Because that's a great feeling. It's exciting news. Discovering a person like that.
Communicate that to that person in a way that isn't "creepy" or makes things awkward between you.

Mostly, that comes down to confidence and credibility, and how much respect she has for you. Certainly not every woman I know would do a backflip and say "Omg I'll be right over!" if I told her "Hey, I'm really into you." (More than a few would, though!) But almost everyone I'm reasonably acquainted with would feel flattered, and not at all mind hearing the information. Because there wouldn't be anything "needy" about it, and it wouldn't come with a sense of pressure or obligation, like "Uh oh. Now I've got his feelings in the palm of my hand, and I do not want to be made responsible for that."

Once you're in that kind of place, things get much, much easier in so many ways. Like:

When someone treats you like shit, or is just a leech who takes and takes, you can just drop them. It doesn't even have to be a big, personal thing. (Although sometimes that's unavoidable if they've been committed and deceptive about it.)
You won't feel like a sucker anymore if you love someone more than they love you, or you have to be the first one to make the big moves, and take the risks. (I always laugh about all those stupid rules like "Don't text first! Wait three days before texting! Etc." I'm thrilled when I like someone so much I want to keep messaging her. It's completely harmless, and usually positive, as long as you really have something to text about.) You're not gonna run out of love. That's not how it works.
You can be a leader. Sometimes other people (including women) are just not very good at intimacy. Or they're afraid of getting hurt. Some women will tell you "I don't do relationships. Or commitments. Or flowers." etc. That might be true. Respect it if it is. But a lot of the time, it's just low expectations, or she thinks it'll make you more likely to stick around. That girl needs some fucking flowers.

spiraldinosaur · 2024-02-10T09:55:04+00:00

This is a great post, it's so healthy and aware. I dunno who would be calling you names for having friends, but they're not people who deserve your attention anyway.

The red pill talks about women like commodities, like objects, like status symbols, or like some alien species that's entirely different to men. But of course when you get to be friends with women you realise - shockingly - they're actually just people. You're absolutely right; you cannot form healthy relationships with women if you're not able to form healthy friendships. I mean, who would want to be in a relationship with someone they're not friends with!?

And one of the biggest issues of watching a lot of red pill content is that you learn about who women are and what they want through men. In particular, men who themselves have never been friends with women and actually know nothing about them and have no respect for them. But when you're actually out there socialising with women, getting to know them without there being some ulterior motive, you get to understand a lot better. And in particular, you get to understand the issues that are unique to women. You get to understand what feminism is actually about (ie that it's not some system for bringing men down and ruining their lives), you get to understand how to become the kind of man that women feel safe around, who they actually enjoy the company of.

The more you can become the kind of person who doesn't specify that friendship is dependent on gender (yay equality), the more you become the kind of person that people like to be around.

And no, it's not a bad thing if you find them attractive. I'd say most of my friends who are women and non-binary are attractive. But I can also accept that I can't have any more than platonic relationships with them. So long as you can do that and acknowledge that feelings of attraction are normal and don't have to intervene with your friendship, it's fine.

ooa3603 · 2024-02-10T06:01:41+00:00

Both genders (and everyone in between) can should be close friends with the other.

They both suffer for it when they don't because they don't empathize with where the other is coming from in interpersonal dynamics.

Comingtoyoulive16 · 2024-02-10T05:56:00+00:00

That's really cool. Even if you were dating I feel like you should become friends before pursuing a relationship. Become best friends and if you both like each other after. You would already know her and probably have the best relationship.

indigo_pirate · 2024-02-10T09:51:04+00:00

I used to be into pick up; more so the strats and the skills rather than anything too heavy and red pill. a long time ago when i was a young adult.

But actually forming deep female friendships around that time probably did more for me in terms of growth than anything.

featherblackjack · 2024-02-10T07:50:00+00:00

Your story makes me smile. Good job!

hapylittlepupppy · 2024-02-10T10:11:16+00:00

Good for you!

aimeeisfancy · 2024-02-10T19:36:13+00:00

Human interacting with other humans like humans. Very cool. 🙂

-AlwaysBored- · 2024-02-10T20:02:29+00:00

Im proud of you!! :)

TargetComfortable480 · 2024-02-10T21:27:45+00:00

The only name I would call you is “maturing”. This post gives me hope.

alxinwonderland · 2024-02-11T14:59:57+00:00

The only names I'm gonna call you are "maturing" and "self aware." Lol.

Congrats on the growth and this revelation and good luck in your future friendships and relationships... The mindset you are honing now will benefit both!

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Wurmgott · 2024-02-11T21:43:27+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this, I wish you all the best!

Title	I made friends with girls and I love it.
Author	16townsendja
Upvotes	122
Comments	17
Date	February 10, 2024 5:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1an9185/i_made_friends_with_girls_and_i_love_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-made-friends-with-girls-and-i-love-it.1245031 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245031

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