Most of you have way too much shit to work on before you can even think about pursuing "seduction"

Classy-Tater-Tots · 2022-09-10T18:13:47+00:00

Tried to explain the bitterness thing to so many people here. It's definitely spot on. If you're carrying around that bitter and resentful attitude, I guarantee that others can pick up on it even if it's unsaid.

Watercrown123 · 2022-09-10T21:37:39+00:00

If you are reading this post right now, chances are that your life is better than at least that of 95% of people on this planet. You have good wifi and the free time to engage in a conversation with screen names on reddit. If one of your biggest struggles in life is that you cannot get women to sleep with you, then chances are your life is actually pretty good for the most part compared to that of the average person.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying and currently am taking a break from dating to fix my life.

But damn people need to realize comments like these never help people. It mostly just makes them more bitter.

I remember some 30 year old virgin was talking about how bad he's dating life is and the guy hosting the podcast basically said this. You could look at the 30 year old dude face and tell that it only made him sadder.

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2022-09-10T19:18:02+00:00

I agree with your sentiment and it's something that I've been dealing with a lot. In therapy circles, what you are encountering is called "therapeutic resistance". That is when a person is complaining about something that bothers them (depression, anxiety, shyness, being bad at flirting etc), but when offered actual tools to cure themselves they resist all help and would rather hold on to their dysfunctional ways.

There is a reason people do this and no amount of telling them how many opportunities they are missing and how most other people's lives suck compared to theirs is going to change it. If anything, reminding them of what they are missing and telling them they should feel lucky is actually making them more depressed and anxious.

The reality is people get something out of being depressed, lonely, isolated, seen as the romantically unsuccessful but nice guy. You nailed this part down. The benefit is that they get sympathy. A lot of men can relate to them. "Oh what, you guys get matches on Tinder?" And then a 100 replies from other men who haven't had sex in 5 years assuring them it's not them, it's just that women have impossible standards, blah blah blah. At the end of the day, being a sad sack is nice and comfortable. You don't have to risk anything, you don't have to leave your house, you can just get numb and lost in video games, weed and Reddit self pity threads. That's what those guys are getting out of it. and to them, those benefits outweigh the benefits of developing social skills, risking rejection and getting the women and sex they dream about.

All the excuses about height, looks, money, ethnicity, are meant to keep them nice and docile and comfortable in the nursery like little boys. As long as they have an excuse, they don't have to face the cruel world as a real man does.

NoFap_FV · 2022-09-10T23:01:58+00:00

Oh I don't feel sorry for myself I'm just tired being myself, and I've tried, I tried being nicer I tried being meaner,I tried self boundaries, no boundaries, I tried being upfront and bring subtle, no matter what I do I just make the other party lose interest.
It's kind of haunting to see in front of your eyes a woman LOSE interest in a matter of minutes from being really engaging to avoiding me, and I wish it was due to me being a bigot or a fucking asshole or similar, but no. Honestly I have no clue. Not even my two therapists know.
So no, no self pity. Rather frustration with myself being in my late twenties and having done jack shit in terms of real human experiences.
That said, your post garners over the vast majority of the sub Reddit comments.

2022-09-10T19:05:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-09-10T20:16:41+00:00

Some of this is useful and some of it reads like an angry rant.

appmanga · 2022-09-10T18:15:26+00:00

You hit a home run. There are plenty of other subs for relationship advice, sex advice, and pretty much any other advice. When you can't even discern that there's an appropriate place for other issues, that says a great deal about an ability to understand the unsubtle and non-nuanced. That being the case, how are you going to take on the kind of mindset you need to be successful at getting women when you don't understand or respect the very unsubtle and non-nuanced aim of this sub?

Amen for this post.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-10T22:15:36+00:00

100%. This post is spot on. This sub can be a real cesspool a lot of the times, especially when someone posts anything resembling success with women. Real crab bucket mentality here.

Bottom line is this: most guys on this sub don't actually belong here because they aren't remotely close to actually being able to work on being good with women since they need to focus on working on themselves first.

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2022-09-11T07:06:07+00:00

I’m so close to giving up bro. I seriously can’t do this

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2022-09-10T18:25:47+00:00

I think one of the general messages of this post is what people mean when they say love yourself before you can love someone else

You cannot expect people to be interested in you if you are not mentally healthy. Like full stop it’s just not going to happen. Work on dealing with your shit first

Physical_Educator192 · 2022-09-10T21:04:33+00:00

So you can shame them into not feeling sorry for themselves, or being of no value, or being bitter? Somehow, I think if that strategy worked you would be the next Tony Robbins, otherwise stay in your lane. Let people be people. Gloriously complex and flawed people.

MentalCelOmega · 2022-09-10T20:29:57+00:00

Easy for you to say.

Salt-Traffic59 · 2022-09-10T21:07:42+00:00

tldr: git g00d n00bs

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2022-09-10T21:15:21+00:00

I have nothing else to add. Its a mess, that I have no solution for.

cheesybitzz · 2022-09-10T23:45:46+00:00

Yes! It's understandable if you have some issues that need to be dealt with but trauma dumping is cringe and a red flag for both parties. I had to change the subject because this girl was trauma dumping me hard today.

KinxTheTimeStripper · 2022-09-11T01:15:32+00:00

Okay. If I'm not entitled to shit, then maybe people can stop making fun of me for being a virgin out in the real world? Leave me the fuck alone, and I won't have to come in here to figure out how to flirt. Only to see vague bullshit.

feenchbarmaid0024 · 2022-09-11T02:07:18+00:00

I've seen a few posts on guys trying to give advice on what works for them, only to be shot down or called bull shit.

2022-09-11T02:19:39+00:00

I think all men should be welcome. Men need more spaces to encourage one another.

Yes. We must be honest with those who are struggling.

But I believe we should try to raise those guys up. We gotta be there for each other, cause no one else will.

So I advocate for those guys at the bottom. They may never rise up, but god damn, I’m gonna encourage them everyday that they show up, cause we all start some where and some of these assholes didn’t have a good male role model. So good on them for at least surrounding themselves with better people.

To all of you out there. Good luck in your journey. It’s hard as hell, but If you work on yourself, you can rise up. Much love.

Title	Most of you have way too much shit to work on before you can even think about pursuing "seduction"
Author	Boorobford
Upvotes	193
Comments	42
Date	September 10, 2022 5:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xav01p/most_of_you_have_way_too_much_shit_to_work_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/most-of-you-have-way-too-much-shit-to-work-on.1250249 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250249

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