I know this in models, but I find examples important to hammer this home.

And although this seems obvious, I am sure there are a number of you who have done something similar:

  • Get on dating apps and are less than thrilled with the results
  • Find someone who is interested in you and begin to date
  • Claim to want a relationship though in the back of your mind you know you just want sex
  • She ends up wanting you to meet her friends, her to meet your friends, go out, etc., though you're too embarrassed to be seen with her in public. Or if you do go out, you are self-conscious the entire time.
  • The relationship blows up after months or years, and you are no better off when it comes to finding a partner that will make you happy.

The main problem here is bad habits.

Personal Growth

Before the pandemic, I was living in my parents house making ~20k a year at 28, though I was teaching myself skills to better my career. At the start of the pandemic, I took a chance by accepting a job almost 2k miles from my house: I went from ~20k to total comp of around ~70k, got a nice apartment, and had much better luck on the apps. I soon started dating someone I found very attractive, though it didn't work out for other reasons. After the break-up I started hooking-up with someone who was cute, though not girlfriend material IMO. I made it clear I only wanted FWB and it worked out great: we travelled together, sex was good, and it was just all around a good experience -- the key being I was honest with what I wanted.

Return to Old Ways

Then I change jobs again, earning 6-figures working remotely. I moved back home since there are more people there, more jobs, my family, and the job in case we return to work. However, I moved back into my parents house for a bit until moving into a very nice apartment in a metro area filled with attractive women. And, being in my parents house and getting impatient, I hopped back on the apps, found the first person who was interested, and just like that the old habits are back.

I was using the dating habits of the person living in my parents house making ~20k a year at 28 and not dating habits of a 30 y/o making 6-figures a year.

How did this end? I agreed to go to a destination wedding with her. We get there, I see how hot her friends are, how mediocre in appearance their boyfriends are, and just hyper-focus on all the girls I would actually want to be with. Well, we got into an argument, and I left a few hours after we landed. I feel like such an incredible asshole since she hates flying alone, has no one to go to the wedding too, and is probably realizing I only wanted sex this whole time. This happened yesterday.

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TLDR; if you date someone you're unattracted to, you're asking for pain and hurt beyond comprehension. You may be able to cut ties cleanly occasionally, but more often than not you will end up hurting the woman immensely and depriving yourself of growth.

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EDIT: grammar