Going to clubs, bars but no success with women. (No enough courage)

norwegiandoggo · 2022-01-22T15:13:52+00:00

There are a could of tricks to help with this:

Try to get rejected on purpose by the first 5 women in the club. Obviously, if you're successful this location is burned, but at least now you're over the hump of the worst approach anxiety and you can proceed to approach more women with less fear.
Start small with approaching someone and asking them about something without ANY intention of hitting on them. Call them "throwaway" sets. Or warm up sets. You basically don't care. You just go up and tell them they have a nice dress or whatever, not expecting anything at all in return except for a one-word reply or being ignored. Basically, point is to approach with less intent. Don't go looking to do it right at first. Just go have fun and mess around and fail on purpose. Only once you're past that stage and you can approach women and fail and it's not such a huge deal to you, then you can turn on the intent and try to approach a bit more properly.
Let your desire guide you more than your fear. Get really in touch with your desire and instead of thinking about succeeding or saying the right thing, you're instead super focused on a girl because you think she looks amazing. Let your desire for her drown out the fear response and other "what if" thinking. Just think "she's so fucking hot, I have to go talk to her". Let that desire consume you and feel it with every fibre of your body. Only then do you approach. Fear will be drowned out.

rich_god · 2022-01-22T15:42:47+00:00

There are many layers that need to be addressed on this question.

How do you feel when you go to a bar, and what do you tell yourself ? If when you arrive you're telling yourself "I guess it will be a night where I fail approaching anyone again, let's drink to see if that gives me courage", then you will create exactly what you're predicting. You need to be clear about your intentions when you go somewhere : why do you go to this bar ? Is it to celebrate ? Is it to practice approaching people ? Is it to spend time with your friends ? If you're going there to practice meeting new people, set objectives that are doable and in your control, for example talk to one girl you don't know. In your case, you talked to one person, and she ignored you, that's a success ! Celebrate it ! It's a fucking great step to be able to approach a stranger, many people can't even do that in their entire life.

It seems you have low self-esteem. What happens in that case is that you create the story that will reinforce your beliefs, basically you make everything happen so at the end you will be able to say "I'm worthless". You can't observe your strategies to judge yourself, and realise it's just a game you're playing with yourself. There is nothing true about it. So the question is : how can you switch your strategies to nurture your self esteem ?

This is where "inner game" comes in. Being an attractive person is not about looks or being funny, those are the symptoms. The core quality that will make you magnetic is how much you love yourself, and by that I mean how full you are by yourself (another way of putting it is how little you give a fuck about what other people think of you). If you feel emptiness and believe that other people can fill it, for example if you believe "oh my life would be so much better if I could approach women" or "I would be so much happier if I had a relationship or FWBs", it is called insecurities. What we do with our insecurities is we project them onto others so we can learn to see them and love them. The thing is, when we do that we can't really connect to the other person, we're only seeing our own reflection and if we don't like it (like in your case when the person is ignoring you) then we repress it and go back to our self-deprecating stories. So to change that whole process you need to learn to love the parts of you that you dislike. There are many ways to do that, from therapy to hobbies, to going to the gym, being successful in other parts of your life, having inspiring friends, eating healthy, stopping your addictions, meditating, being grateful for the little things in your life... Basically anything that give purpose to your life, that strengthen your belief that you have a great life, a great body, and that anyone would be lucky to meet you.

How is talking to you a gift ? Do you feel like discussing with you is a unique and powerful experience ? Do you really care with the people you meet so much that you can feel them like a brother or a sister ? Do you feel like you're vibrating with so much intensity and aliveness that people around you are penetrated by your presence ? When you develop that quality of presence, that deeper listening, that peace of mind, that self-fulfilment, you will become so magnetic that you won't even remember how could approaching be an issue.

Oh, and stop drinking when you approach, it's not helping.

I wish you the best

skinticket02 · 2022-01-22T20:05:13+00:00

Your problem is that you put women above yourself . You judge them as being better tha an you are , which is why you're afraid.

Is a person who spends thousands of dollars to hide their face with makeup really worth being scared of? These people are much more insecure than you are , stop letting them control your actions because of the judgment you've placed.

MattPruga · 2022-01-22T16:02:05+00:00

Hey man, you gotta go for it. It's hard but definitely worth while, you need to push your limits if you want go grow.

Understand that the vast majorty of females put makeup on for 2 hours and go out to clubs/bars because they want to get men interested in them. They want attention, most of them have never even been approached before and they can be super receptive and nice if you act like a normal being in front of them and display good characteristics.

5_7pickup · 2022-01-22T15:30:14+00:00

Bro just read my field reports. I do solo night club game in Vegas.

Title	Going to clubs, bars but no success with women. (No enough courage)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	26
Date	January 22, 2022 2:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sa47dt/going_to_clubs_bars_but_no_success_with_women_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/going-to-clubs-bars-but-no-success-with-women-no.1268516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1268516

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