Why do I feel like I have the duty to "save" girls with problems?

TheRedPrince99 · 2018-04-04T05:57:28+00:00

Don’t be a white knight. Let them handle their own problems. If you wanna help them, get a job as a therapist and make sure you are paid for what you do.

KBeer01 · 2018-04-04T08:21:59+00:00

Simple: because you are broken as well.

Odds are that you are an "abandoholic" that are attracted to broken people, people you can't really ever get etc. The only way to cure this really is through a lot of work on yourself, but it's worth it.

Remember, people aren't victims. People are powerful creators of their own life and if they create shit for themselves, that's not your problem. Look after yourself first!

redhawkes · 2018-04-04T09:47:42+00:00

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Don't be captain save a hoe.

Nice Guys are attracted to people and situations that need fixing. Nice Guys are terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person's problem.

This is niceguy syndrome, it's covered in No More Mr Nice Guy, read it.

[deleted] · 2018-04-04T06:50:56+00:00

White Knight syndrome.

Cure: Read and apply trp, while fighting the urges of being captain save a hoe.

frequentlywrong · 2018-04-04T07:28:09+00:00

Because we are biologically disposed to because it used to be important in the caveman days. In modern times it's just used by women to exploit men.

TheStumblingWolf · 2018-04-04T12:09:01+00:00

If you're like me (or how I used to be at least) it's because you think that by saving them you'll receive validation and attachment. If you're her last hope, it's because she refuses to look inwards and instead of trying to fix herself she looks to others to make them make her feel different thus confirming, in her view, that it's not her but something external that'll save her.

quicklogaccount · 2018-04-04T14:26:22+00:00

That's because your instinctive understanding is thoroughly wrong when it comes to these women.

1 - Because you haven't trained yourself to do otherwise, you try to understand them with your emotional system. You "feed" your emotional system with her ailments and assumes its response is the same as hers;
2 - Because you haven't trained yourself to do otherwise and through similar mechanisms as the first, you assume she will be grateful.

I could go on but I was kind of getting lost on myself. It'll boil down to, instinctively, you believe these women will be "safer" to invest in, because they aren't strong enough to seek other men, and that they'll be aroused by your ability to solve their issues and afterwards, grateful.
It turns out you instinctively believe in something that's almost the opposite of what happens.

redpilledcuck · 2018-04-04T15:12:40+00:00

You can listen to their problems, but just smile and nod through them, counting down the time until it's time to plunge your dick in their warm wet holes.

onmyway3 · 2018-04-04T08:05:26+00:00

I have/had the same issue. But not just towards women, also men, I'm always trying to save someone or help them with their shit. I never helped women financially but sometimes it's just couple of phonecalls to right people and shit gets solved out so I always perceived myself that I look badass by doing it - WRONG! I just paid attention to her shitty behavior or whatever, I should've just ignored it and changed subject, having fun time, escalate, fuck, spin...

carlito_suave · 2018-04-04T09:33:22+00:00

Came from a single-mother?

VikkBlack · 2018-04-04T10:15:59+00:00

Dude you are cucked as fuck. You seem to be running away from your own life because even us have a lot of area to improve, yet you focus on crazy bitches. You will attract the worst type of people, who will destroy you, stop.

jaedgy · 2018-04-04T10:41:58+00:00

BP coming back up? That sounds like White-Knighting, or Captain Save-A-Ho.

second-last-mohican · 2018-04-04T10:46:27+00:00

Saviour Complex

Also sometimes its easier to want to fix others instead of your own shortcomings, girls do love the help and attention but you may fall into the orbiter category quite quickly.

holdulikeican · 2018-04-04T11:16:00+00:00

This is something addressed by the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You should read it and the sidebar if you haven’t.

jay_jay_man · 2018-04-04T13:46:27+00:00

Men are natural problem-solvers. It's in our nature to fix things. Nothing's wrong with this instinct, it's part of what helps us be great entrepreneurs, scientists, strategies, and overall great problem-solvers.

What you need to do as a red-pill man is to make sure that women don't extract resources out of you with sob stories and the promise of getting pussy.

vicious_armbar · 2018-04-04T13:54:01+00:00

You're co-dependent. Read Codependent No More and apply it. It's written by a woman so the prose is a little touch-feely for my tastes. But the knowledge contained in it is very valuable.

Unlucky_Leader · 2018-04-04T14:07:31+00:00

instead of asking why do I have this emotion. ask what can I do with this emotion?

[deleted] · 2018-04-04T16:50:58+00:00

Don't save her, she dont't wanna be saved.

PhaedrusHunt · 2018-04-04T16:51:31+00:00

Ignore her. Talk over her when she starts talking about her problems. Talk about all the awesome shit with your life.

Bring her into your frame, don't get in hers.

319Skew · 2018-04-04T19:17:57+00:00

Don't save her. She don't want to be saved.

RandyBumgardner85 · 2018-04-04T20:55:57+00:00

I think it's partly evolutionary. As in, men who didn't evolve to protect vulnerable women were more likely to have their offspring die. It's also partly some personal issue you have. I used to be the same.

Either way. You need to overcome this urge. It will attract you to emotionally unstable women who will cause you no end of fucking problems.

The two most mentally fucked up women I ever dated both sat there on the first date and reeled off their list of woes.

[deleted] · 2018-04-04T21:16:30+00:00

Personal insecurities, I used to be attracted to girls that needed help too.

For me, it was comforting / secure to date someone I knew needed my help.

It also helps you rationalize why someone likes / loves you. She loves me because I do x,y,z for her.

That’s not love though.

Love is when you both are into each other and both help each other grow and improve.

You’re trying to play the role of a “needed man” which makes you think you are “earning love” which makes you feel secure in the relationship because you probably can’t understand how someone who doesn’t NEED / Depend on you could love you.

This might happen in friendships too. Do you “buy” your friends by spoiling them with drinks? Do you always go out of your way for your friends even if they don’t for you.

You need to see yourself as deserving of love and admiration because you are yourself, not because you’re doing something for someone else

Avskygod0 · 2018-04-04T21:37:42+00:00

perfectionist/pacifist - probably gets pissed when you remember that there is some flaw in the world, considers holy duty to repair it

people are easy to fix but the actual means are breddy much illegal nowadays

Title	Why do I feel like I have the duty to "save" girls with problems?
Author	IlIlIlIlIllIII
Upvotes	12
Comments	27
Date	April 4, 2018 5:16 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/89mnsw/why_do_i_feel_like_i_have_the_duty_to_save_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-i-feel-like-i-have-the-duty-to-save-girls.127143 https://theredarchive.com/post/127143

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