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[–]Chicagoj1563 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Your getting heavily caught up in the outcome and everything is a big deal. The place you want to be is where the outcome isn’t important and you adapt the mindsets where everything is fun and you don’t need anything from anyone. Nothing is a big deal. It’s inner game work you need to do. Your really stuck in your head right now.
If you can also be good with your current life situation regardless of how social it is, that can go a long way. You won’t need anything from anyone, but just go out to have fun. Then you can push yourself and try out new things, learn and improve. Perhaps next time try to force yourself to view each interaction as you gained a little more experience with it, and your slowly getting more used to it. Then you can make every interaction positive and a win. Every interaction is a win, every night is a win, and every weekend is a win. Even if it’s a blowout, you still gained experience in blowouts. It’s a win. That’s how you want to think about learning this stuff.
Inner game is a skill, so it’s ok to react like you did. It takes time and practice. But, consider adapting the mindsets to set you up for success.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Chicagoj1563 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A lot is in the post i made above, but most of this is what I learned from rsd. You just want to view everything as a win and be in a constant upward spiral (as opposed to a downward spiral which you had the other night).
Think about it, if you get blown out, then you just got a little better at blowouts. Once your good enough, you won’t even care about blowouts anymore. It will be no more significant than ordering a salad in a restaurant. It’s nothing. Then you can freelance and experiment with different things.
Next time you go out try to stretch yourself and push your comfort zone a bit. Do something you haven’t done before. This is so you know you are improving. Then, just try to walk away from each interaction as it’s a win. Even if the win a negative, it’s still a win. You still gained experience. You still took action. Don’t let anything get to you. Remember, your fighting against your social conditioning, so this kind of change is hard. But, it is a game. Think of it all as self amusement. As if your playing with a group of puppies that keep growling and biting at you, but you have a smile on your face because it’s just self amusement.
So, get your mind strengthened by throwing yourself into the fire and always seeing everything as positive if you can.
[–]merchant_of_mirrors 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to find the source of your insecurity and figure out why you feel like "dead weight" for me I realized that my parents never really instilled confidence in me and I didn't have any strong male father figures. I don't know your life, but I'm willing to bet that you likely have some unresolved issues that make you think the way you do. You have to figure out what those are, and tackle those issues. This is the fundamental first step in inner game imho
[–]PushOrganic 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Meditation helps with inner game because it’ll get you “out of your head” and into the present moment. Affirmations will also help because it’ll reboot your thought process and self belief into something more empowering. You put yourself down too much, be your own best friend instead of your own enemy
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PushOrganic 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I use a meditation app personally, if you have an iPhone, look up “Insight Timer” on the App Store it’s got over 50,000 free guided meditations, YouTube also has some great guided meditations. You have great initiative and self awareness to want to improve. It’s great, keep it up!
[–]gr3nade 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It's a hard road. Some nights are gonna suck. But just like with anything else, the more you put in, the harder you try, the better you'll get. The more used to bad nights and failures you'll get.
That being said, bar hopping isn't the only way to meet women. Join some clubs that you enjoy and get really enthusiastic and involved in them. Something that inspires joy and confidence in you. Talk to women there. The key is repeatedly putting yourself into social situations with women and trying to have fun in these interactions so you don't burn out and quit.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stormbreaker_98 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Just want to clarify my opinion on something the above redditor has mentioned. Maybe his context is different but i am same ditto like you. No one actually likes me and myself feel a dead weight. You are very strong to approach woman at bar. I don't even have confidence for that. One thing I came to see is if you force convos it's won't happen. Its a negative approach this is the one thing in life that if you put more efforts you get diminishing returns. It should flow or it won't. Don't feel bad man we can't compare ourselves to other people who are far more ahead the game than us. The other people who got hookup must be way ahead of us. At such points we need to see if we improved ourselves from yesterday. That's all. BTW as some people have already said, some days you know it won't work. You may do every thing right and still not have much to gains. Don't get bogged down. The journey is tough but when you will get that sweet sweet success you will feel everything was worth and it's okay to vent our your sadness!!
[–]agasabellaba 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree with this It’s so important that we behave like ourselves. You can’t be great at being someone else but you can be great in whatever way you are ... :)
[–]Stormbreaker_98 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah at the same time improving who we are is also important even if that means changing ourselves like if you are hard to open up, try changing that. If you can't be a with a group of people try changing that. Why I said this is because people get a wrong impression that being yourself means also to carry the wrong qualities with yourself. As I understand is that you should be strong and independent on your core values of who you are and if you don't understand that?! Then it's time to maybe know yourself first. Just an example would be even if I date a person who has a taste in romcom and if I hate it. I would just say that I hate it rather than mending my ways for her/him doesn't mean I won't sit with to watch it. I won't lie of enjoying it.This is just a trivial example, life on the other hand is complex with tough choices to make.
[–]LivingFlow 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You stated yourself you were drunk. Doubt anyone sober wanted to speak with you. I would ignore the homeless thing.
[–]observenlearn1111 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's like learning a new language. You speak even if it's wrong in every , still you speak because you don't want to be voiceless.
[–]Thest0rm_99 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have a self esteem issue that needs addressing. You also just need more practice. Going out to a club a couple times isnt going to do a huge amount of difference in your game.
[–]AvAf311 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Okay, so the most important part is that you want to improve. Sooo go get in shape, go to a cosmetic if you have pimples and get your face in shape, go to a barber and get a nice cut. Focus ON YOU. Fuck people. Grind at the gym. I would suggest God as an extra tbh. The most important part is to focus on yourself untill you are fully content with yourself. Just don't stop trying. You can alao pick up hobbies and start learning the things you like or studying about em. IMPROVE YOURSELF. Everything else comes naturally after that.
Been there done that
[–]AvAf311 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
with whatever you like or feel like youwould like. Try as many things as humanly possible. stick to the things whitch feel good
[–]Evocatus_ad_levare 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You actually went and tryed What more do you want Keep pushing bro I will too so please you do it too bro
[–]Beneficial_Visit6473 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
listen to teachingsmen’sfashion on youtube. he will shape you into having women look at you constantly, being extremely more confident, and likable. start with his clothing videos on what types of clothes girls like on men. this changed my life within 2 weeks already and now my worldview is very different and girls always look now.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hate to say this but clubs are the last and worst place to meet women. They only go there to get free drinks from some sucker and get the validation they crave.
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[–]Chicagoj1563 9 points10 points11 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chicagoj1563 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]merchant_of_mirrors 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PushOrganic 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PushOrganic 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gr3nade 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Stormbreaker_98 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]agasabellaba 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Stormbreaker_98 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LivingFlow 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]observenlearn1111 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thest0rm_99 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AvAf311 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AvAf311 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Evocatus_ad_levare 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Beneficial_Visit6473 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link