Feel so dumb right now

Woodie327 · 2018-04-24T08:44:54+00:00

I’ve been there and it’s hard to swallow but it all comes in time. Make no contact whatsoever for at least 6 months, by that time the abundance mentality has kicked in and you’ve forgotten about her anyways. Lift heavy, read the rational male series, and keep focusing on yourself.

searcher612 · 2018-04-24T09:40:45+00:00

Yes, it will absolutely go away fully at some point. You were not married to her, no children together, there is no reason she needs to be in your life or thoughts going forward. It will just take some time, it will happen, months will pass by and then you'll think back to it later and realize all of the old feelings are gone and have been gone for a long time. Sounds like you are doing all the right things - it'll happen.

Don't think about curing it. Think about becoming a better version of yourself. The cure is not thinking about curing it, the cure is just realizing you are investing in you, every day. Make sure you add professional and mental (reading) development to your list (in addition to lifting and abundance).

She's probably looking for validation. I can almost say for certain she provides NO value to you whatsoever, and can only hurt your progress. I admit that's a guess; but seen this enough times I'll write it here and believe it until you say otherwise.

Curious - how old are you?

3d_truth · 2018-04-24T12:01:20+00:00

The r ason it hasn't gone away is because instead of dealing with your thoughts and emotions, you simply pushed them away. I tried pushing away a bad oneitis when I was 20 and it took years. My last oneitis took a week because of a combination of TRP and a technique I will teach you now.

You need to realise that you are better off without her. That you no longer want her. And that she was never that great.

If these are hard to accept, force yourself to find at least 3 reasons why they are true. This will remove any bias towards her and make sure you aren't seeing her through rose tinted glasses (which is what oneitis is)

Furthermore write down the reasons why you are sad about her. Don't think intellectually, try and get yourself into that state of mind when you miss her, and let the reasons you are sad bubble up to the surface. Just blurt them out. take those statements and turn them around and find 3 reasons why the turnaround is true.

Eg "I miss her company" becomes both "I miss my own company" and "I don't miss her company". "I love her" becomes "I love myself" and "I don't love her" You will find that the turnarounds are often just as true as, or more true than the original statement, which will struggle to stand up to this investigation.

After this exercise (which I didn't make up, it's a very powerful self investigation technique), you will realise your oneitis feelings are based on false beliefs and letting go completely will become alot easier and faster.

MattyAnon · 2018-04-24T09:57:14+00:00

How to eliminate the lingering oneitis? Will it ever go away fully?

Find more/better women and it will gradually ease.

azwildcat74 · 2018-04-24T13:44:45+00:00

I've been in your shoes and struggled with it for way longer than I should have. The best lesson to apply from TRP right now: BETTER YOURSELF! Spend all of your time focusing on bettering who YOU are - physically, professionally, intellectually. By the time she gets around to 'coming back' you will be a completely new person and she will still be the same one she was when she left. She isn't going to bring that boyfriend back with her... Work your way out of the scarcity mindset and you will find yourself in abundance in no time.

The best revenge is living a good life.

mrpthrowa · 2018-04-24T10:27:06+00:00

Go fuck other girls.

mitchesthesedayz · 2018-04-24T10:35:57+00:00

One of my best friends relayed a quote to me (back in college) when I had the same predicament with a chick. "She's not the first girl you've cared about and she won't be the last."

This resonated with me for a while. Has helped me get through a lot of these kind of things. Chin up and keep chasing a dream bro. Happiness comes from self fulfillment and achievement. Never chase girls but chase dreams. Hope all the best for you dude.

RedPilledRoaster · 2018-04-24T14:14:55+00:00

Block her meditate and move the fuck on.

fade2clear · 2018-04-24T16:14:02+00:00

What helped me was realizing that your feelings of oneitis stem from validation you seek from your ex. Her getting a new boyfriend triggers feelings of doubt and insecurities you have about yourself as a man and how you compare. You don't really care about her. Address those and your oneitis will go away.

zboo1h · 2018-04-24T15:49:50+00:00

Dreams and the subconscious can be super influential - be careful not to dwell on what you see in your dreams too much, or take them too seriously. It's like a girl that dreams you cheated on her then wakes up mad at you - don't be a fucking girl.

One day at a time, one little victory after the other, and soon you won't forget her but rather you will no longer feel like giving her or the thought of her a second of your time or attention.

infamous3238 · 2018-04-24T17:29:13+00:00

GFTOW. Ghost and block her everywhere. She's dead to you.

Title	Feel so dumb right now
Author	Shredderick420
Upvotes	9
Comments	33
Date	April 24, 2018 8:32 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8eiwd1/feel_so_dumb_right_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feel-so-dumb-right-now.128758 https://theredarchive.com/post/128758