Surviving being single while everyone one else is hooking up.

MothershipConnection · 2011-01-06T05:10:21+00:00

Surviving while single? Embrace thriving while single.

Alright, I figure I'm about the same age as you (I'm 25), and it is about that time of life when I log onto Facebook and it seems like a lot of my friends, especially female, are changing their relationship status to "Engaged" or "Married". And a lot of my dude friends are in serious relationships as well. But you know what? For 95% of them, I'm really fucking happy for them. There might be a few where I think they might be rushing it, or they're with a terrible person, but for the vast majority, they're some of my best friends or I think they're just great people and I hope it works out for them (even though statistically, only about half of them do).

I used to get more jealous of these people for having something I didn't have but you know what... fuck it, we all take our own paths. Maybe I've evolved a personality from not being locked up (or conversely, maybe I haven't been locked up because of a restless personality type), but learn to embrace what you do have. I'm not a dude who wants to play the field forever like Hef, but I still enjoy getting to play the field and conceivably doing for the next few years. I like holding onto that adolescent lack of responsibility that comes with not having a serious SO or a kid.

I don't know what it is about me, maybe I just look cool and like the kind of guy who'd bring along girls, but I've managed to make a decent amount of friends who are divorced dudes. They're mostly a bit older than me, from late 20s to late 30s, and they vary from guys who are completely desperate and AFC to guys who are back on their feet and dating to dudes who try to throw themselves around like they're still in college. But as much as you might try to say I'm an alpha I'm the man, that shit is traumatic for anyone and changes you forever. There's definitely places I will not go when talking to them and there's usually some responsibility, regret, or kid that they'll carry with them forever.

So I know you're not divorced or any of that, but embrace this moment you do have right now cause you will never get to be this young and single ever again. Talk to people you hadn't talked to, go to places you hadn't been, be happy for your friends that have paired up, and use this time to invest in yourself. You're old and experienced enough not to be a dumb kid, but you're not trying to hold onto the glory days forever. Shit might be different with your friends in different stages of your life, but they're still your friends and you don't need them to anchor everything you do socially.

cheddarchexmix · 2011-01-06T04:18:32+00:00

Just wait until they hit 30 and start babying up. That's when I realized I needed to get out and meet new people.

My best advice is to practice talk to everyone religiously. I tried doing some organized stuff to meet people, but gave it up when I realized I could meet cool people in cool bars. So that's how I meet people now, for the most part.

If you have problems approaching, try to find a good wingman, or better yet, wingwoman, to help you out.

What I would much prefer to do is be able to put myself into situations where I am meeting girls and getting to know them over a few weeks to build the attraction.

You'll be surprised once you get good at meeting people how easy it is to get girls attracted to you. If you're spending "a few weeks" before you make a move, your chances of getting into the friend zone are much higher. All of the first dates I've been on in recent memory were with girls I spent less than a few hours with.

frogma · 2011-01-06T07:50:18+00:00

Too many guys and gals make the mistake of having a few long relationships between high school and college, then they go and marry the girl they're with at the crazy young age of like twenty-fuckin-two. I'm 20 and single, and all five of my best friends are in LTRs, 3 of em with the same girls from high school. I laugh, and laugh, and laugh all day long at their ignorance. The 3 will probably marry those chicks from high school. Guess what? They'll be getting divorced, and I'll be hooking up with more and more girls until I find one who matches up all-but-perfectly to my standards. Hell, I'll still probably get divorced too. Seems to be all the rage these days. Don't worry about it for a second, man. Keep approaching, go fuckin anywhere to do it. You'll meet a few girls that you can at least try on for size, and if they don't work out you can try some more.

Delightful_White · 2011-01-06T04:45:56+00:00

I understand you completely. I'm in that situation now, with friends having girlfriends and nobody wants to come out and game with you.. I've only been in LTRs from ages 19-24. In fact, from age 25 to 26 (my age now) has been my most successful year of my life, i've been getting laid like crazy. Don't let age be a factor to you. But I understand your situation. You need to overcome that but just putting yourself out there and meeting new people.

This may have come easier for me because I moved out to a big city. But just go to bars where nobody knows you and just start opening people. Don't worry about any sort of outcome, just go meet people. Or go to coffee shops outside of your town and just meet people, especially girls. Hang out with them, meet their friends, become friends with their friends, etc.

I don't have the link handy, but Cheddarchexmix preaches the "Talk to Everybody" post. It's a fantastic post and I practice it myself.

TL;DR: Go where nobody knows you, and then start meeting people.

Listro · 2011-01-06T05:06:57+00:00

Leagues seem to be a way to meet new women and people in general.

Kick ball leagues
Curling leagues (I hear this is just an excuse to drink on ice)
Volleyball
Theater

Whatever other leagues/groups might be in your town. I don't explore them too much because I still have friends who go out clubbing, but the few times I join a group it usually works out well.

chumpta · 2011-01-06T05:14:18+00:00

well i'm glad im getting used to my friends being like this at 23.

theyre not in LTRs per se, but they are essentially inept/stuck with women and when they go out, they go to old man bars to play quizzo and such.

i do what i do on my own essentially, it's the only way. you can meet new people and make new friends (and lovers) at pretty much any age.

Title	Surviving being single while everyone one else is hooking up.
Author	nakedandlovinyou
Upvotes	7
Comments	7
Date	January 6, 2011 4:10 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ex16j/surviving_being_single_while_everyone_one_else_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/surviving-being-single-while-everyone-one-else-is.1295214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1295214

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