What am I doing wrong on my dates?

DaygameCoach · 2016-05-22T00:40:21+00:00

"Just tonight I was rejected once again as we were saying goodbye and she said "don't rush things".. I played it off with a smile and we hugged it out. Then she text me saying she's sorry she wasn't in the right mindset and needed a bit of space but she had fun blah blah blah. Have deleted her number because I can feel the LJBF coming on."

That is not a rejection because it is not a "no" but a "not yet." So, no, she probably wasn't LJBF'ing you. Some women are interested and will let you escalate but slower. This includes several of my more serious girlfriends. If you aren't interested enough to calibrate your escalation better (slow things a bit), you aren't that into her.

Learn to read IOIs better -- try reading Superflirt and Superdate.

recyclablebanthas · 2016-05-22T03:02:30+00:00

I still struggle with natural kino..... I rarely get reciprocation in the form of touching.

Hmmm. Possibly worrying too much here. What you're doing is fine but you seem to think that reciprocation is the only good sign.

If the girl doesn't flinch away at the contact, that's good. If she leans into touch, that's good. If she stays as is, that's okay too.

I don't introduce sex into the conversation,

Look this is one of the most tired "theories" out there: that you have to literally talk about sex or talk dirty before you can have sex.

You don't. You really don't. In fact, trying to do is a potential minefield. There are so many ways to screw it up. Can it be done? Sure. If you know what you're doing. But it is bonus round stuff.

The meat and potatoes is everyday conversation and kino.

After about an 40 minutes I move to another place...... After another 30 or so minutes I might go for a kiss depending how confident I'm feeling.

In public? You realize this is a higher difficulty curve you're going for, right?

Also, this is a little Cart before the Horse here. You should also be judging when you kiss by HER feedback, not how you feel.

I've heard a good tactic is to, mid conversation, say "wait" ... then go for it. Maybe this is why I'm being rejected for the kiss so much - I'm not doing it confidently.

No no no. It's because all your tactics seem centered around this mindset that you make everything happen. And that the only barrier is finding the balls to make moves.

No.

There is another person there with you on the date. The girl. She has a mind and body of her own. She is constantly giving you feedback throughout the interaction.

What you need to do is focus on this information being transmitted in her actions and words.

Just tonight I was rejected once again as we were saying goodbye and she said "don't rush things"

Have deleted her number because I can feel the LJBF coming on.

Any glaring holes in my game? Any insights/advice?

Yes. A big hole. You're not focused enough on the girls. They can feel it when you're focused on psyching yourself up more than on their state.

Which ironically pushes the opportunity to kiss or make moves..... further and further away.

TheNewWildOne · 2016-05-22T02:17:33+00:00

All you really need to do is focus on her and bein in a sexual mood while relaxed. That's it. She wants the same things you do and don't wait until the end of the date to go for a kiss, it should come naturally during it. The girl also was not rejecting you she just isn't attracted enough to you yet.

katalis · 2016-05-22T03:05:14+00:00

Okay. Here we go

1) The first part of the interaction /datę, she should hold the 80% of the conversation, but once you have built some rapport, it must be 50% - 50% You have to talk too! Not only do jokes or some comments from time to time. You have to show you have your own personality. . 2) In my opinion, passions and hobbies are already light-hearted if you don't talk about them yourself with actual passion in your words. If you want to make her feel something, you have to feel it too.

3) Good kino at the beginning but you should try to scalate a little bit like putting your hand on her hips, or around her at wherever you are sitting down. Also, make her grab your arm (as a reward) while walking, push her lower back when you are crossing the street or moving her around a room, showing dominance and leading. And also, if you can, touch her face or nake (saying something like "you have such a beautiful neck" and caressing softly with a finger, or my favourite, taking her chin and saying "look up and away, I want to see how you eyes look under the moonlight/lamps"). The neck is a vulnerable part of our bodies and by letting another person to touch it, we develop some kind of intimacy. Think that you can't and should not kiss a girl/boy/whatever right away, without some... Steps, some barriers broken.

4) if you touch and she never does, stop doing it for a while. Get cold. Push and pull, always, remember that.

5) You don't actually have to talk about proper sex. You could talk about crazy adventures, some aphrodisiac (gastronomy) you have eaten in your life, romance (now you both are Secret lovers who have become fugitives), dancing, whatever. Sex is something subconcious.

6) The part of measuring time. Don't. Unless you are in a rush, have plans, have to attend a meeting, you have tickets for the opera, just enjoy the moment. Make sure to not stay at only one place the whole night of course, but don't check the clock every 5 minutes. It will make her feel you are not enjoying her company.

7) Chill and chat is okay, but remember to Spike things. Throw a playful joke here, a sensual sudden spin there where your faces get very close to each other, just little emotion spikes during the night, within all the talk and Chill.

8)bringing the subject up is not a bad idea if you know how to play it. For example "hey, girl_name", you want to kiss me? ", if she says" no way" you can say "hey, I have not said you can". If she gets nervous about it and say "no" in a non confident way, she probably wants but now the pressure is on her. Be playful and smile with a half-smile making strong eye contact/looking at her lips a little bit. Or you could say something like "by the end of the night, if you play nice, I will have kissed you" and play cool and relaxed, confident.

The thing of the "wait" works if you have broken those barriers i told you before. If you have entered her intimal space, physical barriers etc. And a Quick tip: It's much more easy and natural to let others enter your intimal space (and therefore yours gets mixed with theirs) than you entering into theirs. Just pull her hands and make her get very close to you, that way she is the "invasor" and you are "the invaded".

9) No idea what a pool hall is, English is not my mother tongue and It's 5 am, and on a phone, too lazy for Google. But bowling sounds fun for the first half of the night. You could do lots of kino there. But it's also a quite distracting environment. I love dancing or Arabic tea places.

10) The "go for the kiss when saying goodbye" is not something I would recommend unless the emotions are high at that moment. If you had the spikes before but now things are "cold", you may get rejected. Also, if you are going to do it then, I like to do it like an impulse, and just when they are going away and you have already said goodbye, grab their hands, pull, turn them and kiss them, break the kiss before them, smile, and say "we should repeat this sometime/ see ya!"

And I know it sounds totally like a film but what you are doing is creating a final high emotion and leave her at that moment So she wants more for the next time.

MarTweFah · 2016-05-22T19:47:06+00:00

Honestly, reading your post was so much work.. you're putting in a lot of work.. for a kiss.. Most guys getting laid, aren't even doing half of what you're doing..

If you're meeting these girls on Tindr they're there and are willing to meet with you then they're probably more down to fuck than actually looking for a serious relationship (which can appear that way based on the way you've described your dates).. You're definitely attractive or interesting (to the girls you match with).. AKA they've basically (in the very least) considered fucking you based on what you've presented them on Tindr. Based on how much of a freak they are you should honestly just try trying to fuck them from the onset..

Title	What am I doing wrong on my dates?
Author	Psychocist
Upvotes	6
Comments	16
Date	May 21, 2016 11:00 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4kfy29/what_am_i_doing_wrong_on_my_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-am-i-doing-wrong-on-my-dates.1302155 https://theredarchive.com/post/1302155

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