The 2nd half of this year was quite the adventure for me personally. Since I broke off a damaging 2 year relationship.

From NoFap to seduction and general personal development it's been quite the ride. And right now I feel like I'm somewhat settled, at least minimally.

I have a job, it's part time but it's a job. I like it a good bit.

I've begun to workout and meditate regularly.

I'm doing my damnedest to quit porn and masturbation.

Throughout this half a year I've changed, learned and improved so much I can't even recognize past me.

I've had a couple of mental crises where I've broken down but I feel like I'm on the right track now.

Feeling happy, confident and generally damn good.

I'm looking in damn good shape, I'm taking care of myself and all that stuff.

There are just a couple issues. And they're outer. I have no social circles(due to my relationship). My past social circles are both very different from me.

I used to hang with ghetto people and they haven't really changed their ways.

Or with rather clean and somewhat boring people who haven't really changed either.

Since I'm a very variable and flexible person, I can hang with a variety of people.

And neither group has chicks(has to do with my relationship too, I've lost all female contacts) nor are they particularly down with stuff like game or personal development.

Another problem is that I don't live in the big city. It's Portugal and I live in an area where everyone kind of knows everyone else, and I sort of messed up my immediate vicinity since every hot chick where I live is friends with every other one and I presented myself to one of them as... well a pussy. And girls are queens of gossip so I'm sure it spread. Not that they talk about me, but just that they now have that perception of me.

I do work in Lisbon(the capital, just saying for the clueless). But it's not like the center or something, it's essentially tourist district. And I can't move to Lisbon because obviously, I work part time and getting a job is hard enough as is.

And before the end, I hate most social gathering places like clubs because they just play music I simply cannot stomach. I think they're also a waste of money and also club game I'm just honestly not very interested in. Not to mention it just not being particularly fun to me.

And the final problem I don't even know what it is or why it's there. It's that I've had chances to do "approach" but didn't. It doesn't feel like AA because as I've said before, I can't make up excuses nor do I get anxious. And the couple chances I had were burned into my brain because they felt like complete openings.

There were 3 recently, not a lot but 3 is more than 0. One that happened months ago will remain as the dumbest and honestly clearest opening I could have ever conceived. The one I presented myself as a pussbag.

But onto the most recent

2 were at the "shipyard". I take a boat to the Lisbon shore.

  • One was a girl that was at the vending machine next to mine(I get coffee there every morning). Looks back with a smirk at me, for like I dunno 2 or 3 seconds and looks back to the vending machine. I didn't get it, I found it weird and since I had my earphones in, my face was completely emotionless. I just looked at her with the emptiest stare in the world. I think that could've warranted a simple smirkish "what". And that would've sufficed to continue rolling the ball.

  • Another was a similar situation, a girl walks past me while looking dead at me, again with an approachable stare. I go to the boat and I walk past her and she stares at me the same way. Earphones in, once again.

  • And finally, this was on the bus ride home. At that point my big ass fucking jacket is off and I'm wearing the t-shirt that best compliments my physique because it's got a pretty big... "neck opening"? I guess you can call it and it's rather loose fitting. So this time it was a black girl, and I find black women somewhat intimidating because I've never really interacted with them a whole lot despite my ghetto group being mostly black. Also I find them mostly not particularly attractive but there are very significant exceptions. This was one of them. She got on the bus and I eyeballed her fairly hard, maintained rather calm eye contact. She sat behind me, after one stop, she switched to the seat in front of me, kind of slowly too, got a good shot of her ass(she's black so it was damn fine, and I'm an ass man) and she kind of sat sideways too, not completely but to the point where I could see the corner of her eye and it darted my way a couple of times. Anyway I did nothing, once again I had my earphones in which shoves me into the back of my head since music is a very creative and emotional resource for me. Far more than background noise or distraction.

Do you have any suggestions for me, fellas? I'm thinking that in all of the above, music was completely detrimental since that's the thing those examples have in common. I just couldn't react quickly enough because my brain is overloaded and I just can't correlate approaching and a song called "Die Motherfucker Die".

Also were those 3 examples just my imagination that it was an opening? I mean even if it's not a blatant "TALK TO ME. PUT IT IN." An opening is an opening. So I'm curious as to what you think.