I went downstairs as I asked her to watch a movie (one of her favorites). The moment I walked in, I was preparing to kiss her. But she said, "we need to talk." I knew what that meant. She went on to say... that she's not sure if we're on the same track... that she'd like to get to know me better... that we could be good friends. I just nodded along.

After a few minutes (we were watching something on TV... no I didn't leave immediately because she invited me to still watch the movie... and I was just shell shocked; I had told myself repeatedly that we'd been on several dates, she must know what I'm thinking... that she must like me if she keeps going on these dates) I told her, "I'm sorry, but I thought this was something else. I'm going to leave."

This is why I'm so fucking shy. And it's also probably why I'm alone. And right now, I realized that all my eggs were in one basket; that my happiness lately resided on the fact that she may like me.

But now I feel like a loser. Depressed. I bought a pack of razors (I don't shave, I have a beard) anticipating this. I'm sure by tonight I'll be back to cutting myself.

EDIT: Clearly I'm having a mental breakdown. Make fun of me if you want.