I met a cute new neighbor a couple of weeks ago while doing laundry. She was friendly (she opened me before I opened her; and I was following the three second rule, so it was fast), but not at all flirty. I was my usual flirty, touchy, and funny self that I try to be whenever I meet a new girl.

This is where my confusion begins. She returned no visible IOIs. But, somehow, I felt like she was still interested. Something in the eyes or her tone gave me a solid feeling she wasn't just being friendly. Nonetheless, I figured she'd make a good pivot, since she's cute and smart. I was going out with friends that night, so I invited her to join us, and got her number.

I texted her later with the details of when/where we were going, and she called me back immediately voice. We chatted for a little while, and she actually seemed more flirty on the phone than in person, which was a little surprising. Anyway, she declined going out because she had a lot of work for school. So, I called her lame and teased her about not knowing how to cut loose. She argued some and told me she'd be free to party in a month. I replied I'd probably be gone by then, since I move around a lot.

Fast forward to the next day. She texts to invite me to her place to check out the stuff she'd worked on that we'd discussed the day before, and hang out. I'm thinking, "OK, strong DTF signal here, despite no signals before." I go, we hang out. She's extremely protective of her personal space and not responding to escalation at all, and the seating situation at her place makes physical intimacy difficult. It really is just a "hanging out" situation. It comes out during the conversation that she's had a bad experience and she's no longer dating or having sex, and has been that way for a couple of years. I tease her about it, and suggest she should get back in the game, but not with me, since I'm leaving soon.

After that night, I ignore her. I figure, she may be cute, but she's not interested in what I'm selling, so I go talk to other girls. Ten days later, she invites me to go out with her. I happened to have a date scheduled that night, so I tell her we can do something after the holiday. A few hours later, my date flakes at the last minute (that girl is now a second stringer, despite being kinky and hot...last minute flakes are unacceptable), so I call her back and tell her my thing was ending early, and if she was still going out, I could join her in an hour.

So, we go out. We chat, have loads of fun talking and having a couple of drinks. My friends were also going out later that night (we all live in the same neighborhood), so we do a venue change to catch up with them after a couple of hours just the two of us. I keep trying to escalate kino, and keep getting shut down...even very light kino like hands, petting her head, touching her face, shoulder, etc. It's not that she's offended or doesn't like my advances, she's just very particular about her personal space, and backs off a little. So, I also talk to other girls, hug on my female friends, and let my friends get to know her some. Basically, we're just a bunch of friends out having a good time.

My friend who drove the group out has had too much to drink to be driving, so I offer to drive her car (and my date is fine for driving her car). So, we split up for the night. My friend ("Wing" in my prior field reports) says, "Man, that's really being a friend to let your date drive off like that. She seemed really into you. You should have gone with her." And I explained, "I planted seeds, Wing. If she's interested, she'll text me when she gets home. And none of you guys are in a state for driving."

Sure enough, when we get home I get a text from my date. "I'm at the park. It'd be nicer if you were here, too." The seed I'd planted was that she lived near a nice little park in our neighborhood and she'd never been there, and that she was allowed to go there anytime, and that I expected to see her there sometime soon. This technique is money, and I'll be using it again in the future.

So, I meander over to the park, and she smiles huge when she sees me. And we hang out in the park for a while, chatting. No kino, again, as it gets shut down. I attempt some verbal escalation, and say, jokingly, "Yeah, I guess you're pretty hot, I'd probably do you." She turns it serious and says, "Can we just hang out instead?"

So, we go back to my place and watch a movie. Mild kino escalation begins to actually be effective. Hands, feet, shoulder, hips, etc, become a bit more accessible hanging out on my sofa, but there's still a definite hesitation about her. After all the shutting down in all earlier encounters, and the "can we just hang out instead" comment, I don't feel bold enough to go for a kiss or anything more forward, though I feel like I should have (there's a rule I try to live by, which is: "Always escalate to 'no', because nothing else is certain. Either get the rejection or get the girl." but this girl has me way off my game).

So, here's my conundrum: WTF do I do about this girl? Has anyone else been with a girl who is obviously really into you, but she's still shutting down escalation, both verbal and physical? She's my favorite of the girls I'm dating right now...smart, cute, fit, interesting, adventurous, etc., so I'd like it to go somewhere soon, but I just don't know what to do about taking it to the next level. I usually have slept with a girl by the time I've spent a quarter this time with her (something like ten hours now, though a lot of it was spent around and talking to other people).

Some further data points:

She's not looking for a relationship. She's occasionally dropped hints about what she does want from a man, and it's pretty much a description of the things she knows about me (I've found this to happen with girls who are really attracted to me...they say they want a relationship exactly like what I'm offering). She's still overwhelmed with school, so she's not amenable to dates, generally speaking, and I need to be careful not to turn the tables so that she feels I'm chasing her rather than the other way around.

It's not ASD, since she knows I'm a bit of a cad, and sex positive; and she doesn't mind it looking like we're having sex (all my friends and her neighbors saw us meet up at the park and go back to my place; the obvious assumption is sex, and she wasn't bothered by that). And it's not that she wants a commitment or anything like that. And it's not that she doesn't like me...she keeps coming back. It seems to be some sort of fear of being hurt in some way that I can't figure out. My inner Nice Guy wants to let her talk it out, and tell me all her troubles, but I'm pretty sure that's not wise until after we're naked in bed.

I am, of course, still seeing and meeting other girls. She knows I was out with another girl yesterday for Thanksgiving. So, I'm not betting my sexual satisfaction on a girl with hangups. But, she'd be my favorite girl to hang out with if she weren't so difficult.

tl;dr: Girl totally digs me, and asks me out twice, but isn't responding to any form of escalation. She seems to have a hangup about sex and dating due to a bad breakup a couple of years ago. WTF do I do about it?

Edit: Since I've heard from a few people that they've gone through my history for educational purposes, I'll add a bit of closing info to this. The girl and I ended up hooking up for about three weeks. She had very good reasons (a past sexual assault) for being hesitant to get sexual, and it took another couple of nights hanging out to get there. We did end up talking it out, prior to sex, and it was fine. I let my Nice Guy out, without letting him take the reins, and she opened up, shared her history, and then got naked. We took it slow, we still talk, she's still awesome, and I'll see her again in a few weeks.