I don't like the idea of bars/clubs to meet people.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-03-16T08:16:22+00:00

Don't like bars and clubs? Don't go there. Find some other activities that involve meeting women. Hell, join a reading club or a cooking class if you have to. But you don't have to go bars, there are plenty of quality women that can't be found in bars. Get out of the house more and explore other places to do Day Game.

cbraga · 2011-03-16T13:31:26+00:00

I don't have the balls to approach one in a group.

There's your problem. You're rationalizing your fear of approaches as a dislike of the setting and hoping for some magic cure where the women just fall on your lap. Such magic is called the cold approach and should you get over your fear of it you'd do it in bars or in cafés or parks or wherever and wouldn't be here complaining.

I don't wish I was at a cooking class or a reading club when I'm alone or with someone. I wish I was at home playing a video game.

See what I mean? With that attitude online dating is the best you'll get and we all know how lame that is and that great girls don't hang there because they get approached all the time by Real Men.

slashkk · 2011-03-16T19:44:46+00:00

There was a thread last week and someone suggested using Meetup. I checked the site out and signed up for a few groups. I am going to my first group meeting on Sunday and then another on Wednesday. I'm sure you can find something interesting. I picked a Humanist/Atheism group and the other is Meditation/Yoga group. I'm sure I'll meet some great women there. Heck, you might be able to find a video game group. At least get some interaction.

ilurkokcupid · 2011-03-16T07:29:55+00:00

I want to present this as a possible strategy: I read on this subreddit that a good way to build up confidence to talk to people is to talk to EVERYONE. Just say hello, make small talk, whatever. Do it with strangers during an elevator ride and stuff. Do it in line at chipotle. Etc. Is this a good way to build up confidence to go to a bar alone?

Softcorps_dn · 2011-03-16T13:37:07+00:00

I totally agree with you on this one OP. I'm not one for loud bars/clubs either. Fortunately there are some good alternatives to these places.

"Dive" bars. These are much more low key, usually not blasting dance music, with the added benefit that they usually have a much better selection of beer. Do some research and find some bars in your area that advertise their beer selection. Beer choice is a great opener in that environment ("hey what beer are you drinking, have you tried this one, etc). Also its probably easier to convince your friends to go out with you if there's going to be seating and no ringing ears when the night is over.
Day game: take a walk in the park, go to a bookstore, art gallery, museum, etc. Talk to random people (young, old, male, female) to get comfortable starting up a conversation. If you only ever try to talk to girls you are attracted to, it will take much longer to get over the anxiety.
Online: if you are patient, eventually you'll see a few 7-9s on there. You can also try plentyoffish.com as an alternative to okcupid. Pickup tactics are equally important online. Make a connection with the initial message, and move to a different contact method within the first 3-4 replies (facebook, phone #, e-mail, anything). In my experience a lot of girls get scared off by the barrage of messages they get and often do not return to the site after a few weeks. Get her info ASAP before she disappears.

iamabe · 2011-03-16T14:32:33+00:00

I hate bars and clubs too man. I also prefer 1 on 1 conversations.

But go for it. Find a wingman however you can and after you get that first rejection of the night, you will get a lot more comfortable in your skin when you realize how little it matters / how little control you have (club's loud, groups are tough, etc).

Also, if you're afraid to dance, or think youre a homebody and you dont have a feel for dancing/dont enjoy dancing, find the most crowded club you can that plays LOUD music, go right into the center of the mass, and try it out. Truly no one is watching you and you can just dance alone with a giant ball of people. Suddenly you'll enjoy clubs a lot more. Once you start to shed your distaste for clubs, you'll have less excuses to work on approaches at them.

That said definitely look for opportunities outside of clubs! Small talk at the cafe, concerts, festivals, whatever.

philosarapter · 2011-03-16T15:10:59+00:00

If you want to attract girls you are going to need to be more interesting. I play video games all the time, watch movies and tv, but you need to realize that these things are idle distractions to do when you are bored. They should never be the main focus of your life. If you are comfortable with just filling your head with these escapist fantasies then you are going to just watch as life passes you by.

These things are entertaining sure but they are also fantasy. You need to start developing goals and acquiring skills. Let me assure you that sitting on your ass and being entertained does not do anything to develop your character.

I'd recommend getting away from the glowing box you spend your life in front of and get out and see how the real world operates.

Natural game will follow.

glassuser · 2011-03-16T13:58:37+00:00

Clubs and most bars are lame. And women have their bitch shields turned to full. Don't sweat it. Find a laid back bar or pub if that's your thing, or just do something else. Cooking and exercise classes (not to be confused with going to the gym on your own!) are regularly suggested.

On the other hand, video games, movies, and tv are not hobbies. They're what you do when you are too lazy to find something productive to do (that is, something that increases your individual value). So start finding something more productive to do. Learn to cook, learn to garden (in the right areas, community gardens are KILLER for meeting interesting people), learn... anything. The object is to gain experiences that make you a better person and meet similarly-minded people in the process.

2011-03-16T16:33:31+00:00

Not to crap on you too much, but video games, tv, movies, are either not really hobbies, or not great hobbies. I love all of them myself, and trust me, I'm one of those nerds who thinks videogames are an important new art form/medium that is just beginning to be explored (yadda, yadda), but these are all pretty passive activities. They don't add a whole lot to your personality. They're something to do when you don't have other awesome things happening in your life. They are comfort food, and not really that great for you. I find myself binging on games and movies (netflix streaming unfortunately makes crappy movies all too available!) when I'm depressed, not when I'm happy.

Get into something constructive that has to do with these interests of yours. Try learning to program a game, or get involved in game development in some way. THAT's a hobby. Myself and a programmer I've never met are completing our first game together and I have a version of it running on my phone. I whip that shit out and show girls all the time. It goes over well because I'm super pumped to talk about it, and it's a tangible manifestation of my passion. Most of the girls don't even give a shit about games, but they're interested because I am.

fall0ut · 2011-03-17T23:57:51+00:00

bars and clubs are recommended only because the amount of practice you can get in on any given night. once you're skills are good you can stop going to bars and just rely on meeting girls through your every day life if you wish.

I don't like the idea of bars/clubs to meet people.

Comments

1 I decided not to because my friend/coworker was there. I wouldn't want him telling all my coworkers what a fool I made of myself.

2 She was a checker at target. Our convo wasn't really flowing and some random dude was in line behind me so I felt embarrassed.

Title	I don't like the idea of bars/clubs to meet people.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	21
Date	March 16, 2011 7:26 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/g4zrk/i_dont_like_the_idea_of_barsclubs_to_meet_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-like-the-idea-of-barsclubs-to-meet-people.1316461 https://theredarchive.com/post/1316461