Wow, this is a story for the ages.

So last night I go out to a friend's party for a comedy improv group. This is actually a great crowd of people, you can bump into just about anyone and immediately begin a wacky conversation. I all night I just walked around starting "scenes" with random people and generally having a blast.

So there's a girl I meet named Kim. She said "sorry" when she walked into me on accident, and I started this big thing about how I wouldn't forgive her for years and years, and how it would be all messy and we'd have to get a mutual friend to help us resolve it and figure out who would get the DVDs, and on and on. She was awesome and played right along, and then for the rest of the night we were the "couple trying to work out their problems." If we caught eyes we'd suddenly avert them and go "ooh, awkward." But eventually we resolved our differences and made new commitments to be loving and caring for one another.

At this point we're getting pretty flirty, and it's clear that we're taking it a step further. But she either doesn't want anything to happen, or not in the middle of the party, so I don't push it too hard. Eventually it's about 3 in the morning, and I haven't gotten any clear feedback from her on what she's interested in. I live just around the corner from this house, so I tell her it's late and I'm heading home. She gets big sad eyes and says she doesn't want me to go, and then starts dropping hints that she wants to meet up. She's from out of state and flying home the next day, so this would be just a one night thing. I ask her when she'd like to "meet up," and she says to give her 30 minutes. Done. I can do that.

30 minutes later, it's now 3:30, and I come around asking if she's ready to go. We're both pretty drunk, and VERY flirty, holding hands, kissing, it's basically sealed and done. She says she's ready to leave and just wants to go say goodbye to the people she came with. Meanwhile I go say bye to a few of my friends. But when I come back to get her, she's sitting on a couch with a guy who's coming onto her very strong. I figure no problem, she knows she's with me.

It's worth noting that about 30 minutes ago, this guy had been sitting on a chair in the kitchen when he suddenly projectile vomited all over the floor. He was taken out, and I stayed behind to clean up puke off the linoleum.

Fast forward to present, he and Kim are now lightly kissing and getting pretty feely. Woah, okay, I need to figure this out. I go up to her and indicate that I want to take off, and is she still coming home with me? She looks at the guy on the couch, then turns to me with these big "I'm really sorry" eyes. She wants to stay with him.

Fuck. What do I do? I'm so upset and confused that I just walk right out the front door and start to head home. I'm about halfway back to my house when I realize that I'm too mad about this to just let it go. I turn around, go back to the house, back to the couch, pull her aside, and I tell her "You can do what you want, and I was just about to leave without saying anything, but I want to tell you that that's pretty fucked up. That's fucked up."

She doesn't say a thing. I turn and head home. It's 4 in the morning, I'm tired and drunk, I get into bed.

At 5 am I start receiving text messages from her. She asks if I'm awake, telling me that she made a terrible mistake and she should have gone with me, how sorry she is. Yeah, I say, you messed up, why should I take you back? But she's obviously upset about it and I wouldn't mind getting to see her again before she leaves, so I ask if she's got a place to sleep. She's on someone's floor, and when I suggest that she come over she says that sounds great, especially since she wants to talk and apologize, she says she misses me, and she'd just need a ride to my place.

It's now 6 in the morning. I get in my car to go pick her up from the house. The sun is coming up. Birds are chirping. I get to the house and send her a text to come out. After a few minutes when I get no response, I call. Then after no response I go up and knock on the front door. Nothing. At 6:20 I say 'fuck it' and drive back home, get in bed, and go back to sleep.

At 8:30 she texts me again. "Whoops, fell asleep."

Fuck everything. She's now leaving for the airport, I'll probably never see her again. Instead of being angry, I decide just to get whatever sleep I still can.

And even though things completely fell apart, the whole time I was thinking "this had better be really funny in the morning." And it kinda is. Heartbreak/cockblock stories don't get much more classic than this, at least I can hang my hat there. In retrospect I could have pushed harder to bring her back home with me, and there were probably a lot of things I could have done to keep the situation under control. But fool me once shame on you, and I don't intend to be fooled by this again. Sometimes it takes a terrible situation to make you realize that you've been letting people push you around to much. In retrospect, this may have been a very valuable lesson.

EDIT. Capstone on the story: I texted her today saying basically "You're a fun person, but you're lucky I'm able to laugh about what happened last night." She responds: "Well, I hope that one day I'll be able to stop feeling like a drunken bitch and join you in laughter."

My blog: youcantloveemall.com